I hate to hear it!

**DonnainME** · 06-09-2007, 08:34 PM

I hate it when people say that both people have to work. It IS possible for one person to work and the other to stay home. All you have to do is make the decisions - not run up TONS of debt, etc.

Why can't people see that???

sorry, just needed to vent a little.

**Dancing Lotus** · 06-09-2007, 08:42 PM

I completly understand where you are comeing from. I dont understand why people dont see it either.
But , sometimes due to things beyond our control two people do have to work.
My dh makes 18 an hour and in many places that would be more then enough. But after all the deductions thats only 2,200 a month. our morgage due to things beyond our control (the state) is now up to 1,400. My electric is around 150, water is 25, phone is 75, car isurance is 75, and add a few small things and thats it. Now we have a medical bill to pay off. I am one of those who will have to work (at least for a while ). The average person would say sell the house. NO BUYERS! The market is at a total stand still in Florida because of insurance and property taxes.

**ladydy4** · 06-09-2007, 09:02 PM

My husband only brings home 1500(a month) after med insurance, taxes and a small % into 401k plan. There is no way we could survive on that with 2 teenage boys. There really are very few job choices here for him and he can't leave the area because his mother would never move and he is the only one here for her now.

**Cricket1** · 06-09-2007, 09:11 PM

Sorry--I disagree. I think, in theory, one could say that it is all about choices, but (as other's have pointed out) life happens. Medical bills, getting laid off and having to take a lower paying job--these things just happen. I truly do believe that sometimes both people have to work to get by. People don't have to buy houses, but in the area I live, rent is astronomical. Affordable housing is difficult to find.

**miss_thrifty** · 06-10-2007, 01:04 PM

the only thing i hate to hear is when someone comes up too me and says: " what do u do all day, u can only clean so much? or arent your kids in school, and dont u want money fro yourself? ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
othewise it depends where u live, if u rent, if u own, and what you want in life. As long as both people are content with both working and love what they do, go for it. If there miserable in their life, making too much debt of their own and have more needs then wants. The yes i would agree to one income.
Im a SAHM, always was. love it. But thats doesnt mean ill always be one. I have many friends who both work out, and says they need too, taxes, morgage, etc. I understand. We wont own a house unless i go to work, or win lotto 6-49 lol

**DonnainME** · 06-10-2007, 02:12 PM

I agree that "life" happens. But to say it is always impossible to have a stay at home parent - that's what bites my rear end.

We have a house - mtg is $200 a month (with relatives). My auto ins is $800 a year ($67 a month). Electricity is currently about $180 (will be lowering soon). Telephone is about $45. Cell is about $74. We do get food stamps but also have a non-food grocery budget of $50. Gas runs us about $80 a month = $20 a week. The last time I filled my car up it cost $24 - can go about 300 miles on full tank.

People are telling us that we both will have to work. Well, I disagree. One of us can stay home.

But I do see your point regarding a different situation - like housing being too expensive. OR the medical bills - yes I understand that too.

**SammeyG** · 06-10-2007, 02:30 PM

With us it is right now it is a must that dh and I work. Due to all the debt that we have. We live in a tourist town so really only 8-9 monhts are the our buiest times. So for those months the residents of this town try to pay of debt from the slow months. As well as try to get somewhat ahead for the next slow months. My dh this year has had some back problems. So with that he has only been working on and off for the last several months. I also work because that if I do stay at home then I feel like I am useless. In the last 2 years I have been working on and off a part time job as well as a full time job. In the months that I wasn't working a second job I gained so much weight. I guess that I am the type of person that has to stay active. I guess that I somewhat learned that from some of my family members. I have a uncle that raises beef cattel and 2 great grandfathers that were farmers. Which one of them is still alive and still doing odds and ends on his land. He will be 98 this year. I guess that everyone has there own veiws on this subject.

**Radish4ever** · 06-10-2007, 03:17 PM

I know many moms from my mom groups locally that are in the exact same (or worse) financial situation as us. SAHparents are actually really common here. Cost of living is not out of control........what's sad is he debt that people go into to be SAHparents when they don't plan for everything!

The only time DH and I both were working was before kids.... and honestly, I feel like we have more now than we did then! Back then, we'd blow it all on eating out and electronics, etc.... but now that we budget, we have money for all sorts of things that we didn't take into account prior to kids. lol

I'm hoping to be a SAHM until my kiddos leave the nest (we'll be homeschooling) - and we'll be out of debt within a year, so this shouldn't be a problem! Sure, life happens - but with things like medical bills or such as that, I'd really rather make small monthly payments and be able to stay at home than to feel pressured into getting a job!

**Telephus44** · 06-10-2007, 08:46 PM

I agree that a lot of it is individual circumstances, and more households could "afford" to have one parent stay home if they simply made different choices. I say "more" not "all."

I also think that a lot of parents say "well I have to work" to justify it to other people. Being a working mom, I get a fair amount of flack for being one - like I'm a bad mom because I'm choosing to work and not staying home with my son. I suspect that some moms use "I have to work" as a reason to justify to others why they aren't staying home.

I really wish more people would just come to accept that what works for some people may not work for others, and we'd be less critical of other's lifestyles in general - but I know that's only a dream!

**nuisance26** · 06-11-2007, 08:32 AM

~When DH and I were dating, his mother would complain about her job and was generally always stressed, exausted and overwhelmed but always follow her comments with a sigh and "I HAVE to work". After the 10th time I HAD to point out the THREE new cars in their driveway that they CHOSE to buy and the cruises they took every year. Those "extras" alone took all of her salary as a receptionist. I don't make comments about other peoples choices unless it's thrown in my face. And since you've thrown your situation in my face I have to point out that if you are recieving public assistance you are proving that you DO INDEED need more income to meet your family's needs. JMO.~

**Jaded** · 06-11-2007, 09:32 AM

Originally Posted by DonnainME

I hate it when people say that both people have to work. It IS possible for one person to work and the other to stay home. All you have to do is make the decisions - not run up TONS of debt, etc.
Why can't people see that???
sorry, just needed to vent a little.

Because they are all into "keeping up appearances". It's more important for them to drive a big SUV and live in a house they can't afford, and have the kids in designer clothes than it is to actually BE with their kids! Poor children, I say. We didn't have much growing up, and my mom could have worked, but she was home with us, and it was great. She did work for awhile when I was very young, 3 or 4, and I remember having a very mean babysitter.

I had to work when my kids were young, because I was a single parent, but I think that unless you absolutely HAVE to work, it's best to stay home with the kids. I've actually changed my views on this in the past few years, and that's because the world is such an unsafe place for kids nowdays. You hear about day care providers leaving kids in the van and them dying, kids being beaten or shaken to death at day cares, and I'm so glad I didn't ever run up against that.

My child DID get hit once in a day care, and I found out about other abuse going on there (a church daycare, no less!). I turned them in immediately, and they were closed down by the state. I hated to do it, but there is NO excuse for a daycare worker to hit a child, or SIT ON THEM, OR TWIST THEIR ARMS AND LEGS as one did to another child there!

I ended up putting my son into the Boys and Girls club after school, because he was just safer there.

**Jaded** · 06-11-2007, 09:36 AM

Originally Posted by AnnK

I completly understand where you are comeing from. I dont understand why people dont see it either.
But , sometimes due to things beyond our control two people do have to work.
My dh makes 18 an hour and in many places that would be more then enough. But after all the deductions thats only 2,200 a month. our morgage due to things beyond our control (the state) is now up to 1,400. My electric is around 150, water is 25, phone is 75, car isurance is 75, and add a few small things and thats it. Now we have a medical bill to pay off. I am one of those who will have to work (at least for a while ). The average person would say sell the house. NO BUYERS! The market is at a total stand still in Florida because of insurance and property taxes.

I understand completely, Ann. I'm in the same fix...can't leave, hard to stay. I'm down to having $25 a week for groceries, but I can do that easily. It's the things I can't control that get me...taxes, insurance, repairs. I'm way too old to work two jobs and stay healthy. Employers don't seem to see that they need to pay more with costs skyrocketing like they are. And the government refuses to see we're in a recession!

**Jaded** · 06-11-2007, 09:59 AM

I don't make comments about other peoples choices unless it's thrown in my face. And since you've thrown your situation in my face I have to point out that if you are recieving public assistance you are proving that you DO INDEED need more income to meet your family's needs. JMO.~

You know, unless you have a college degree or some high paid skill, sometimes it's more expensive to work than to stay home. Sometimes daycare costs are more than you are able to make. I know a lot of people have that problem here in FL, because wages are so low here. Also, working may entail buying a second car, which may be unfeasible.

I think that in that instance, it's o.k. to get food stamps to stay at home, because that is what public assistance is for; to help those who are trying to help themselves. I got public assistance when I went back to college, food stamps, WIC, and utility assistance. I also got food stamps off and on when my kids were small, and sometimes it was just $35 a month, because I was working, but it helped. I also got rent assistance when I had medical bills I couldn't pay, and had medicaid for my kids because I couldn't afford the family plan at work. Even now, social services has paid my bills when I was ill or injured and got behind. That's what it's there for. I may have to ask for help again, if I can't keep up with the price of gas eating a hole in my pocket.

I don't think she's taking advantage of the system, like some people do. I think she's trying to do the best she can for her family, and just needs a little help to do so. Working isn't always a viable option. If she was a spendthrift, or lazy, she wouldn't be on here trying to be frugal.

I really think it's true that you have to walk a mile in someone's moccasins before you can comment on their lifestyle. Putting JMO after your post doesn't make it less judgmental and harsh.

**DonnainME** · 06-11-2007, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by Jaded

I don't think she's taking advantage of the system, like some people do. I think she's trying to do the best she can for her family, and just needs a little help to do so. Working isn't always a viable option. If she was a spendthrift, or lazy, she wouldn't be on here trying to be frugal.

I really think it's true that you have to walk a mile in someone's moccasins before you can comment on their lifestyle. Putting JMO after your post doesn't make it less judgmental and harsh.

Thank you Jaded. I appreciate your comments. I appreciate everyone's comments.

I talked to my dr this morning about getting a letter stating for medical reasons I should stay out of work. That is the reason I stopped working a few weeks ago. I don't know if I will be able to return to work soon or not. I have talked to someone about selling Avon. I have also talked to a few working friends about watching their children if needed. I have planted a 25 ft by 20 ft garden to help with food. I am supposed to get $200 child support for my oldest daughter (he has our other 2 children and is 1300 miles away). I wish that I could get my health under control. Having a hard time with my husband (soon to be ex) not wanting to send me back the divorce paperwork doesn't help at all either.

Anyway, thank you everyone for reading my vent.

If anyone is interested, I do have an avon shop online - email me and I can give you that web address.

**Leahmom** · 06-13-2007, 10:50 AM

Originally Posted by Jaded

I don't think she's taking advantage of the system, like some people do. I think she's trying to do the best she can for her family, and just needs a little help to do so. Working isn't always a viable option. If she was a spendthrift, or lazy, she wouldn't be on here trying to be frugal.

I really think it's true that you have to walk a mile in someone's moccasins before you can comment on their lifestyle. Putting JMO after your post doesn't make it less judgmental and harsh.

Ditto...
One of the best things about this board is the kindness and helping we show to other posters. We play nice. I was on other board (briefly!) where the behavior was "alpha frugal". Let's all take a moment to consider our comments.