Stepdaughter issue VENTING
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  1. #1
    Registered User Nana2two's Avatar
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    Angry Stepdaughter issue VENTING

    Ok guys. I love my daughter(step) Im the only mom she knows. But our personalitys clash.She is lazy,her only job is to take out the trash and clean her room,thats it.I love her but i dont like her.She is a manipulater,loves pity parties. She is great in school,no drugs ect. But she comes in the office i stop what im doing and chat with her, then dead silence and she sits and sits and sits. I finally have to tell her to go do something.Her dad and i will be talking or listing to something she will come in no knocking just walks right in, which is very rude..She will be 18 in Sept.Im to the point i hate to see her coming. I feel this over whelming doom come over me.everything in her life is such a drag. She does think she is gods gift to this earth, she is very book smart but not common smart.If i say the sky is a pretty blue today, she will say The sky is not a pretty blue its a light blue.She was in counsling, but the counsler started canceling appts. After awhile i did ask the cousler why and what was the deal. She said that My step daughter had a very very high image of her self and she make it very clear that she was better then everyone else and smarter.She does have mental issues but doesnt want more counsling, she has the family thinking and feeling sorry for her,im at a loss. I love my husband and im not going any where she will 18 soon so if she wants to move out she can.Sorry i had to vent.

  2. #2
    Moderator Luckybustert's Avatar
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    My oldest daughter, now 30, was exactly like that and to the best of my knowledge has never changed. She has cut off contact with all of the family - wouldn't even come to her grandfather's funeral when my dad died a couple years ago. I love her, wish her all the best and pray that she is okay.....but at the same time, I don't miss the way she behaved. It's not very pleasant to be around.

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    is she a narcissist? they are untreatable, they have no soul, they borrow other people's souls, and most counselors will quit therapy because it is a waste of their time.

    if she is not a narcissist, does she have a soul? a reachable soul? maybe she will have her humbling moment soon. you know what i am talking about, those humbling moments where we realize we are not god, and need to improve.
    Last edited by ladykemma2; 05-31-2009 at 07:20 AM.
    baby step 2- see blog for actual amounts

    "stop being a victim, you are a perpetrator, taking things without paying for them is stealing, you are not a victim, you are a perpetrator. PAY THE PEOPLE YOU OWE, pray for the people you owe, and make it right. " hard nosed AA person, thumping his big book, addressed to me in AA meeting 7/30/2013

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    Registered User Momto2Boyz's Avatar
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    Honestly, she sounds like a pretty normal 17 year old. I was the same way when I was that age. I knew it all and the adults around me, just didn't have a clue. I went through a "depressed" period through most of high school, where the world was a cold, dark place and I just didn't fit in anywhere. I was moody, and horrible to my parents.

    I moved out when I was 18, and once I got into the real world and got a dose of reality and a little freedom, I was much happier. I now have a "normal" life and a good relationship with my parents, but it just took some time.

    Hang in there, and hopefully it is just normal teenage angst. If it is, she'll grow out of it. I know my parents used to cringe when I walked into a room...I was horrible to them, so I understand where you are coming from!

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    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
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    How hard for you to live this way - great feedback for you, hope it helps somewhat at least. Just wanted to hug and share some support.
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    Registered User CrazyHomemaker's Avatar
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    I am sorry to hear you are having this trouble. Several of my friends also are going through this.

    I know I am not an authority on this issue since I have no children of my own. However, when we have visitors with children who act like this toward me, I give them increasing responsibilities. I may ask them to take the plates to the table. Then, give them something else. If they sit down, I FIND THEM and give them something else to do. After a while, they ask what they can do rather than sit and cause trouble. It seems they want the attention and want to be told what to do. Sounds weird, huh?

    Tell her to get a job so she can start buying her own things. Get her to babysit, cut grass, waitress, etc. When the cash cow goes dry, this usually grabs their attention. Don't buy her make-up, clothes, jewelry, cell phone minutes, etc. Insist on her paying for her part of the insurance to drive the car. Since she is acting like she is all and knows all, she can do most things for herself.

    Good luck. Take care.

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    Registered User Nana2two's Avatar
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    I agree with all of you.

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    Registered User pop goes the weasel's Avatar
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    You have just described my life perfectly. I thought I was a bad person for feeling like this but now i see Im not the only one who is going through it. My sd is 15 and like you said thinks she's all that and more.The job thing won't work for us since we live quite a ways from any town and she isn't responsible enough to drive an I won't put her my insurance because I know what will happen. She too has everyone else feeling sorry for her and her bad life before she came here. I feel like i'm the only one that see it. And yes it makes for a miserable life.

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    Registered User miss_thrifty's Avatar
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    hugggs dear first off. sounds liek she doesnt have aprt time job for herself? Iwonder if she did that might give her the more responsibility she needs and grwos up quicker realizing the world doesnt revolve around them. ometime tough love is what our kids need. what does hubby say or does he see whats going on aroing u both and hoiw u feel? without rocking the boat i mean.

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    Registered User MomToTwoBoys's Avatar
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    I've been the stepdaughter twice and at that age, it was hard because both of my parents had marriages that were really rocky. My father and stepmother were heavy alcoholics and around graduation time, she actually told my father not to come to my high school graduation. He never did. I resent him still today, even when he's dead and gone.

    My mother was too busy trying to support three kids with two jobs and her motto was that you took care of yourself and had responsibilities around the house to look after. My stepmom treated me like the hired help and my stepfather praised my sister over me.

    Being a stepchild isn't easy. They tend to resent the stepmother or vice versa because they're not blood-related, at least in my experience. I'd have a talk with your husband and let him know how you feel. Since she's almost 18, she's able to be out on her own. I'd give her a push in that direction but not too much to where it creates a rift in your marriage. Just let him know that she's grown up enough to know better and even though it's his little girl, he needs to treat her like an adult.

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    Registered User Nana2two's Avatar
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    Oh hubby knows and agree's with me on how she is. She has always been a pitty party case. We live way out in the country so its hard for some to get jobs around here. She really doenst have many friends, becuase she points out things they do wrong. The family feels sorry for her becuase her bio mother left the girls for there father to raise. so she never had a mother, and i have tried all i can . Hubby supports me 100%. Its his daughter and he cant stand when she walks in the room.I just keep asking the lord to help her with her struggles and mine. I never had anxiety or stress like this and i lost a child and have a child that is disabled.I guess if they would she is disbaled or has a mental disablity, i could understand and handle it better. But she doesnt and she is who she is.. CAN I JUST SCREAMMMM

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    Registered User Nana2two's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pop goes the weasel View Post
    You have just described my life perfectly. I thought I was a bad person for feeling like this but now i see Im not the only one who is going through it. My sd is 15 and like you said thinks she's all that and more.The job thing won't work for us since we live quite a ways from any town and she isn't responsible enough to drive an I won't put her my insurance because I know what will happen. She too has everyone else feeling sorry for her and her bad life before she came here. I feel like i'm the only one that see it. And yes it makes for a miserable life.
    Has much as i love my husband, makes you wonder why we married someone with children..

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    Registered User Nana2two's Avatar
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    Here is a good senerio of my life was like tonight. I was hanging shelf in my dining room. I stepped back to see if was straight, my daugher flops down in the chair directly under it, so couldnt tell if it was straight, I asked if she could move for a minute, so i could see it.She asked why should she have to move since she was the most beautiful one in the room. I said your sure full of your self. Then she got pissy because i wouldnt let her invite her friends to my other daughters graduation dinner next sunday. Im like this is not your day,its your sisters. She says fine then i just wont go. I said OK. If she does go it will be a pitty party so the family all knows that she is sad and we told her no to her friends coming... Im dreading Sunday. Its so sad that i have to wake up everyday and wonder how i can get her out for the day,, So So Sad.

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    Registered User pop goes the weasel's Avatar
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    Mine just left for school and I gave a sigh of relief so I know what you mean about how to get her out for the day. There is nothing around here for ours to do so she sits and sulks. Her father is the same as I am and has no idea what to do either. Taking away priviledges and possessions doesn't work either. We are ready to throw in the towel and give up. Yes I do wonder about marrying someone with children and know that I would never do it again. Know that you are not alone in this.
    Last edited by pop goes the weasel; 06-02-2009 at 06:53 AM. Reason: forgot something

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    Registered User CrazyHomemaker's Avatar
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    Try this, since they have 'nothing' to do. Turn off the TV. Disconnect the internet. Take away the Game Boys and cell phones and I-pods, etc. Give them books to read or chores to do. A chore won't kill anyone. I'm sure you could use some help around the house. Get DH to hand out the chores you need done. Folding her own laundry won't kill her. Then give her someone else's to fold. Give her a room to clean. Pull weeds in the garden. Wash the car. Let there be a small 'prize' at the end of the day like putting out ice cream and sundae toppings to have an ice cream blast. Don't tell them about the prize, though. Let them think it was spontaneous. Include all of the kids in on the chore thing. Those who don't participate don't get.

    DH and I went camping with a family who had a real prima donna 'b'-word for a daughter. I went fishing and she wanted to go. I made her put her own worms on and she loved it. I don't know why. I guess because she got over her ickys about worms and had fun drowning them? Or, maybe, someone who wouldn't take her crap was paying attention to her?

    DSS (speaking of prima donna) resented me for years for marrying his dad. He was younger than your SD when we married. I kept plugging away and treated him like he was a part of the family, even though he didn't live with us. I did things for him that his own mother would never have done. Only because I was raised like that. He's grown into a wonderful man with a wonderful family. I couldn't ask for better. There is still hope! Good luck.

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