Have no idea what to do next (long)

**Nishu** · 09-15-2009, 01:04 AM

Pam, I really doubt I will but that's an issue we really can't resolve today.

Originally Posted by jas

looks like she will be in for a rude awakening when she turns 18. The world will not cater to her.

Ohmigosh, I can't tell you how many times I heard that as a teenager, and how completely, utterly wrong it was. Compared to my home life as a teen, adulthood was a dream, a beautiful and glorious utopia.

I know her earlier upbringing was awful but am I wrong to think that the "poor me my parents were divorced and my mother is a drunk and an addict" excuse is no reason to do the things she is doing?

Pop, your stepdaughter is showing textbook symptoms of a traumatic childhood. The attitude toward her mother that you find so troubling is a clear example-- children who are abused or neglected by a parent will seem to idolize them when they're separated from that parent. It's not fair, it's just the way it is. I'm not saying she has an excuse... is there ever such a thing as a good excuse? What I am saying is that this is what you have to work with. You need to take this into account if you're going to figure out how to solve this problem.

Ok, I'm done now, promise.

I hope you find something that works for you and your stepdaughter, Pop.

**Siebrie** · 09-16-2009, 06:42 AM

My adopted sister showed the same behaviour. 1. the underlying question is: 'at what point will you stop loving me and send me away?' 2. my sister is strongwilled which has helped her in her carreer and private life, but which did not make life easy as a teenager.

Can you get her involved in outdoor sports? Or a church group?

**bluedog** · 09-16-2009, 03:59 PM

All this sounds so painfully familiar--both the problems and all the variety of proposed responses. Sadly, I think she will grow up to be just like her mother. You got her too late in her life. Save yourself.

**mn30** · 09-18-2009, 10:25 PM

Been where she has been! It's not fun! It's not easy! I strongly suggest NOT tell her you want to "ship her back". Just reading that phrase brings back horrible memories from being a teenager and going through what she is going through.