Sometimes I cant stand my stepdaughter!

**sahm2boys** · 01-04-2011, 07:30 PM

file a animal abuse case against..give her a taste of reality..but then again that would probably cause more problems

**erinalexmom** · 01-04-2011, 07:35 PM

Thank you so much for all the replies! I would be upset with her if she was my biological daughter because by 16 she should know better. But the problem is that when it is a stepparent/stepchild relationship it is hard for me to discipline her because no matter what there is always a tone of resentment from her when I discipline her as opposed to her father (my dh).
I also was a stepchild and I understand the pain but I feel like being a stepparent is the hardest thing ever! and my stepdaughter is not even that bad compared to other situations. But the very situation is hard no matter how the child and parent try.
I have said before "being a stepmother is like going out in a rowboat to save the child from drowning and the whole ride back to shore they spend telling you how great thier mother is"

I will say that my stepdaughter has told her diary before that she loves me more than her mom so I must be doing something right at least.

**arnie** · 01-04-2011, 08:09 PM

Hello. I am a SM to a 21 yo who I have raised in a blended family since he was 6. MY SS ( who I call my son) actually has had a closer relationship with me than his dad. Perhaps I missed it in your posting, but how has your relatinonship been prior to this event?
Do you think that something is going on with her that caused her to lash out? Is she having problems in school, or with her peers? Have you tried to have a one on one conversation with her away from your other children? Could it be a cry for attention? What is her relationship like with her dad? Her mother?
Will your husband step in and discipline her for this behavior?
I will say that my DH has definitely stepped in in the remote occasion that my son has become flippant with me. If the two of you are unified with discipline it would help, IMHO.
I would encourage discipline- from dad.
I would also try to spend some time with her privately to see if you can find out what is in her head.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.

**meredith1629** · 01-04-2011, 08:29 PM

I would dare someone to kick any animal in front of me: stepdaughter or not. Sorry about what you're going through.

**erinalexmom** · 01-04-2011, 08:57 PM

This was a one time occurance. She is usually kind to animals and I certianly didnt teach her this behavior so it shocked me. I honestly dont think anything is wrong. She is just naturally a somewhat selfish child and the dog was in her way and bugging her so I think she wasnt thinking anything other than, get out of here.Not thinking about revenge or anything, just "its all about me, and how it affects me" which is somewhat typical teen behavior Im sure. But it was just upsetting. It was awhile ago so to be honest I have forgiven and forgotten

But if she does it again I will hog tie her! LOL

**Nana2two** · 01-09-2011, 03:39 PM

Well im married with stepchildren all who knows me on here knows what kind of problems i have had. When we got married one child was 7 and other was almost 14. The 14 turned out to be a royal pain in the a@@ her father and I told her when she turned 18 its either shape up or leave. She wasnt a bad kid she was lazy,thought she was the queen to the thrown and that her sh@@ didn't stink. Our personaliies clashed big time. So of course she went and told the whole family hateful lies about me. I would never let her eat. For Goodness sake she was 5'2 and 220 pounds where was she eating but at home. She went told everyone that i called her mean and hateful names. I called her a Bit@@. Because thats what she was acting like. Her own dad was nothing to do with her anymore. Now the other SD she was 7 when i married her father. She is now 15 and we get along great, she is respectful,follows the rules. Grades could be better but hey she is passing and has told the family that her sister is Physco and she wants nothing to do with her. So life goes on. There bio mom lives 20 minutes away and wants nothing to do with any of the many kids she has shoved off to different dads. The day she SD left she told me she hated me and she already had a mother and didn't need another one.Her bio mom left when she was 7. So im like see ya.So i think she had tons of emotional issues. Which we tried to get her help for. She is a Narccist and you just can't help them. So hang in there. My husband and I refuse to let our children run or ruin our lives or marriage.

**erinalexmom** · 01-09-2011, 05:49 PM

Yes nana, my stepdaughter is not a bad kid. But she is lazy! VERY lazy and it drives me crazy! But she gets it honest because my dh has the tendency to be lazy also. But I flat out tell him what to do LOL But I might have higher standards than most because it has been commented on to me what a worker I am so maybe I just expect everyone will work till they drop like I do LOL
I also think some of it is a generational things because I have been taught since I can remember that you work for everything you get and "if I dont earn it, I dont want it" but to many of the kids who are now teens were growing up in the "good years" of our country and people bought thier happiness. Thankfully my little ones (my bio kids) realise that work is not a punishment but just part of being in a family. My 5year olds school teacher said "if I asked Erin to stand on her head for an hour I think she would try her best to do it"

I was a very proud mommy that day

**bunnys** · 10-23-2011, 04:13 PM

It's a living animal with feelings. It probably loves the stepdaughter and doesn't understand why she kicked it.

It's immoral to kick a poor, defenseless animal.

Whatever her issues, I hope she was held accountable for her treatment of that animal.

**oheoh's momma** · 10-23-2011, 04:37 PM

I have been a stepchild and a step parent is was pure ass meanness . She done that to hurt you and push your buttons watch the dog and the babies if she hurts a dog she will hurt babies it is not that far a leap. Tell dad to get on board discipline needs to be fair from both if dad is saying yeah so, she will go to her moms ect he is not taking responsibility for her and teaching her the wrong thing. Respect for you. Live it everyday with my step children. Only love me when they want something from me.

**monkeywrangler71** · 10-23-2011, 04:41 PM

Guys, this happened a year ago. I'm sure it's been dealt with by now.

**erinalexmom** · 11-01-2011, 02:33 PM

Yes handled long ago. Although about a month ago I found out that when has babysat my son she has spanked him! Let me tell you that did not go over well! But I talked to my dh and he backed me up on that one at least! We get along generally well but sometimes her values and mine dont line up and I really dont have that much say in how she lives her life KWIM?