She's pregnant!

[ladykemma2]

well, LDS folks at BYU do this all the time. they get married early and go to college with babies and get their degrees. it can be done. good financial aid too as a married couple. but they have to be married and out of the family home before they establish financial independence.

honestly i would call the financial aid office at BYU and see what those kids do and how they do it. and they don't go running to mom and dad for money either.

college plans do not have to be derailed, at all. there is married student housing at all college campuses. there is on campus daycare as well as swapping with the neighbor so you can go to class.

the worst thing you can do is let her move in with either parental unit. bad move.

[pop goes the weasel]

I agree that you should not be there finacially unless the baby is is in need of something. I had my daughter when I was 14 and married when I was 3 months along. It was a hard road but I did it and she turned out great. She's 35 has a great job, a house and a great husband.There were times there wa hardly enough food for all of us but I made sure she was fed first and had medical coverage.

[Jeanna]

As I read the posts, I was thinking about the baby and his/her needs in this situation. The only think I can do is think, "What would I do if this were my DD?" I guess I have to go against the grain a little here and I'm having a hard time wording this. I would first let her know that I was disappointed in her choice of decisions, but would then tell her "what's done is done" and would support her decision to raise her child. Would I pay her bills for her? No. Would I see my grandchild go without food (formula), warm clothes, medicine, car seat, things of that nature? No. Second hands things are fine, but formula and medicine are things that can't (or shouldn't) be bought second hand. If DD and her BF were doing their best (budgeting, no extras, etc.) and still couldn't make it, I would provide the things the baby needed. Some may say that this is enabling, but if the parents are being responsible and still can't make ends meet, I would not let the child go without the essentials.

I would be an enabler. I would let them live with me to begin with. But I would make sure they were making steps toward being on their own. I know that you believe she did this on purpose and maybe she did, but at this time, with the economy being the way it is I would have to give them sometime to get on their feet.
I was not pregnant before marriage so I am not speaking from experience though.

[fernykins]

My #2 son made me a grandma at 17. The day his son was born he had a full time job. I took her to all her Dr appts and to school. Her family was pushing marriage but I would not sign for him till he finished HS. Well he did six months early. I frought with her to finish HS she did. Not because her mother gave a flying tomatoe its because I did everything within my powers to make sure they both had their HS. He joined the Amyry when his son was a year. He found he could not take care of his family on min wage. When they divorced after 9yrs and he went for custody of his boys. He asked me if I would help him with the boys...... He has a speciel needs boy. I told him yes. They lived with me for 5 yrs. He paid all the bills. He just got remarried in May to a woman that doesn't mind being a SM. I couldn't help him money wise but love and caring I did........ All my children take care of what is theirs. They know if they did its their respondibility
Fern

[mom21ofeach]

I agree w/ Hannah's Mom. I could not see the baby do without. It's not the child's fault it's parents are young and foolish.

My sister was in your SD's position. 18 and pregnant. She married the baby's father. They were foolish with money, and ended up declaring bankruptcy. My mother did not give them money, but bought diapers, etc. Things that WIC did not cover. It is hard to be 18 and have a baby. Babies are very demanding, as we all know, and a lot of girls (and boys!) are self centered at that age. It's normal to be self centered and want to do what you want to do at 18. There's nothing wrong with that. However, when you have a baby, you need to be an adult and stay home when the baby needs a nap. Stay home because the baby needs to be in bed by 8:00. You can't buy new jeans or go out with your friends to the bars because you have a baby and it needs food, clothes and diapers. And it needs YOU! You to be there to hold it, comfort it, love it. These are hard pills to swallow for many young mothers.

I would not tell your SD you will help her if things get tough. That way, she won't count on it. But be prepared to do so.

Who knows...maybe they will beat the odds and do great. I really hope so for the baby's sake.

[Thevail]

I think her controlling mama may just be the best thing that could happen. After all, the baby and momma aren't going to have to go without necessary things, but it won't be pleasant. Probably as perfect a situation to motivate them to grow up as possible.

It's a great idea to be emotionally supportive, she's going to need it, so's he. And by helping them see clearly that the only way you get emotional independence is to earn it with financial responsibility you'll be doing them a big favor in the long run.