What Do You Think Of This...?

[staceyy]

On another board I belong to, there is a thread regarding what it is like to live debt free. One woman stated she lives in Boston and has a family income of $70,000. They are expecting twins. She states the average home price in Boston for an 1800 sq ft home is $900,000. She says they are mainly debt free and pay cash for everything. They contribute regularly to savings and it sounds as though they are putting a fair amount into their accounts. She says she doesn't feel she has the confidence she would have if she dressed better, drove a more recent car (their cars are about 10 years old), or knew how to order from a waiter at higher priced restaurants.She said they live low on the totem pole. She went on to give frugal tips on how to live within your means. She said when she gets down, she reminds herself how there are others who have less than her. She kept putting herself down throughout her post.

I felt so incredibly sad after reading her post. I felt she lived with a poverty mentality. How could she feel so poor on $70,000 while she says they do not skimp on savings? I feel these are choices she made to live in Boston and to save and live cash free and she should be proud not putting herself down.

[kimmie]

I agree. ;-(

[acidcookie]

My situation is different from hers in that I don't have a husband or kids, am a student, and am certainly not making $70K. But I can understand the way she feels, especially the bit about the clothes. Sometimes I feel more down now that I AM credit card debt free because while I had credit card debt it was always small, I always paid more than the minimum, and it kept me happy to buy clothes when I wanted and needed them (though still usually used, on sale, at discount stores). It's true that now that I don't use my credit cards and I pay so much attention to my money that I actually feel a bit more depressed about what I can't do instead of what I can.

[frugalwanttobe]

I have to tell you $70000 is not much money when you are talking about living in Massachusetts, especially near Boston. I have a friend, who is a doctor, and he told me that the house that he bought 4 years before, he can not even afford to buy it now 4 years later.(The prices have gone up so much in his neighborhood.) It is just a regular house, nice but nothing special, and not new at all. It was probably built in the late 50s but it is only 2 towns/cities away from Boston.

My husband and I would love to move to Tennessee where we could probably live in a gorgeous, gorgeous home for the price that we pay for a 3 bedroom ranch here in Massachusetts. My mother lives here in Massachusetts and one of my sisters who I am very close to or I would be out of here in a heartbeat.

[Dancing Lotus]

When you didnt grow up with money or you never cared about fashion its a lot easier to accept that you cant buy expensive things. I was not poor nor was a filthy rich but I was spoiled by my Dh out first 7 or more years together. I got use to to eating out and not even looking at the bill. I got use to buying things daily. We dont have that kind of money anymore and I have learned to live an enirely different life style. But often I still miss the old life. I understand how she feels. 70,000 is not much in an area that the average home is 900,0000 that would be like makeing 35,000 in an area that costs 450,000. We make about 32,000 and live in an area that would cost about 250,000 for the average home and we can barely make it. OUr home was 217,000 but we only financed 170,000 and the morgage is 1,400. a moth becuase of property taxes.

[lullaby80]

I can totally understand how she feels. IF we lived like the people around us (and all DH's coworkers and their wives) I'd be driving a brand new car (I drive a hand me down Kia from FIL), dressed nice (not Old Navy/Target clothes I wear now lol) and would eat out a couple of times a week. I do feel less confident when I have to go to ie. company picnics or the holiday party. We make a bit more than that woman does and average home prices are about $650K here, we can not afford to buy a nice home. But everyday I remind myself how good it feels to pay off debt and enjoy being home with DS. And luckily it's only 2-3 times a year I have to be faced with the fact that we don't pretend to be rich like his coworkers, hah.

[Cricket1]

I guess I can see both views--I like to buy something as a little "pick me up" every now and then, but I have a friend that buys beautiful things constantly (I have no idea of what her debt situation is) and has nothing but the best and is one of the most unhappiest people I know. She is never satisfied.

[TheRootedNomad]

When you didnt grow up with money or you never cared about fashion its a lot easier to accept that you cant buy expensive things. I was not poor nor was a filthy rich but I was spoiled by my Dh out first 7 or more years together. I got use to to eating out and not even looking at the bill. I got use to buying things daily. We dont have that kind of money anymore and I have learned to live an enirely different life style. But often I still miss the old life. I understand how she feels. 70,000 is not much in an area that the average home is 900,0000 that would be like makeing 35,000 in an area that costs 450,000. We make about 32,000 and live in an area that would cost about 250,000 for the average home and we can barely make it. OUr home was 217,000 but we only financed 170,000 and the morgage is 1,400. a moth becuase of property taxes.

Oh my.....this brings me up short. Are you saying that on 32,000 a year bring home you're making it while paying on a 250,000 morgage???? I'm just trying to clarify as I thought we would be running pretty tight when we go to one income which would put us at about 29/30,000 with an aproximit 100,000 morg. (really our morgage was 84,900 but when refinacnced to a 15 year it came out to about what we would pay on a 100,000 30 year)

[Jaded]

I felt so incredibly sad after reading her post. I felt she lived with a poverty mentality. How could she feel so poor on $70,000 while she says they do not skimp on savings? I feel these are choices she made to live in Boston and to save and live cash free and she should be proud not putting herself down.

Well, here is the thing. Not only housing, but EVERYTHING is very expensive in Massachusetts. They call the state "taxachusetts". I think probably they are what they call "savings poor", so concerned with saving, that they don't have enough left to live decently. I've seen people like that. They have HUGE savings and retirement accounts, and can't afford to have their car repaired, because they refuse to dip into savings.

Maybe she would like to spend just a little more, but her husband won't let her. $70,000 with that many kids doesn't go far in Boston, seriously it doesn't. I have a friend in Mass. who works in Boston and lives in the burbs. Between she and her husband, they make around $100,000, have a nice home they built before housing costs went so high, but still, it was $200,000 for 1800 sq. ft. She has 1 kid, and she says they have a hard time making it because of taxes, insurance costs, and the cost of daycare and food. Of course, she loves to shop, but she doesn't go overboard.

[Jenna]

I sort of miss the blissful ignorance of my twenties... I pretty much spent whatever I wanted (I didn't create tons of debt, but was in debt.) At that point in my life, I wasn't concerned with paying off the cards in full, trying to save for retirement, or even just saving money

Granted, I'd be better off financially today if I'd scrimped and saved through that decade..... but boy did I have some good times!

[i.m.cheap]

Where we live the cost of living is low, but we still can not afford the "average house". Our income is just too low ($25,000 a year). The average 1,800 sq. ft. home here would run about $160,000.

[Libby]

I guess I can see both views--I like to buy something as a little "pick me up" every now and then, but I have a friend that buys beautiful things constantly (I have no idea of what her debt situation is) and has nothing but the best and is one of the most unhappiest people I know. She is never satisfied.

Not trying to judge your friend here but I think she has yet to learn the difference between I WANT and I NEED. For now she thinks all the WANTS are NEEDS. Seems like she knows no boundaries which is why she seems never satisfied....she hasnt seen both sides of the spectrum.

I had a friend like that. She was convinced all she had to was 'sleep' with her husband and she could have whatever she wanted. She used to brag that she 'slept' with her husband and thats how she got her new car when her previous one was fine.

Then she 'slept' with him again and got a trip for them two only (leaving someone else to care for the kids) for two weeks in the Bahamas. The trip was booked last minute and cost a lot more then hubby expected and she got sooo pissed at him b/c he wouldnt let her shop while there regardless of how much she 'slept' with him.

She 'slept' with him again and again and got a huge hottub put in the backyard with the lil gazeebo house thingy and then got their kitchen remodelled on their 2 yr old custom built home. She knows no boundaries.

I hate to say it but she's the kind of person who manipulated others into getting what she wanted. She wanted to be the JONES that everyone was trying to keep up with. She cant manipulate me, I refuse to be one of her puppets. And NO I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH HER!

[JanieD]

I can totally understand how she feels. IF we lived like the people around us (and all DH's coworkers and their wives) I'd be driving a brand new car (I drive a hand me down Kia from FIL), dressed nice (not Old Navy/Target clothes I wear now lol) and would eat out a couple of times a week. I do feel less confident when I have to go to ie. company picnics or the holiday party. We make a bit more than that woman does and average home prices are about $650K here, we can not afford to buy a nice home. But everyday I remind myself how good it feels to pay off debt and enjoy being home with DS. And luckily it's only 2-3 times a year I have to be faced with the fact that we don't pretend to be rich like his coworkers, hah.

I totally agree! Whenever we have to go to events I feel so uncomfortable. I'm not about pretending to be someone I'm not! We are savers & the more I save the less I want to spend. I would love to dress nicer & have a newer car, but saving is more important to us. However, this is not going to make friends at those kinds of events. Seems the "Jones" speak a different language & we have nothing in common. Can't talk about the new SUV or the big vacation, etc. Does anyone know...are they in debt up to their eyeballs? I've tried to figure it out, but I'm at a loss. Of course, I don't really know... maybe they are great investors with high paying careers & can afford everything. They seem to enjoy a lifestyle that seems silly (almost wasteful) to me. I don't what to judge, but everytime I see them at the store... I just can't figure it out. I'm getting off my .

[Edna_E]

I can't afford to buy the average house or the average car in my town, which is one where the majority of the population is on welfare. I think it is because I am not willing to take on the average debt. I also do not have the average bad (expensive) habits. I think I am happier than average, and don't think my thrift store clothing is any less appealing than the average new clothes from WalMart (the easiest store to get to here). I also have a better-than-average kid at a better-than-average college and have two better-than-average cats that get to stay inside and be comfy instead of having to go out and hunt food.

[Michelle68]

I don't really feel bad about my appearance when going to events just because I don't buy expensive clothes and I buy stuff at garage sales, thrift stores and such. I guess because I'm proud of the fact that I can find things for less than what other people pay, but I can still look nice.

I think the person who dubbed the woman on the othersite "savings poor" is right. There has to be a balance in everything, including money. There has to be some money set aside for doing things that you enjoy, even if it's only a very small amount. If you're very concious of where your money goes, as most people on the forum are, it's too easy to get caught up in the drudgery of constant worry about what you spent on this and how much you'll save next payday. These things should be planned for, but I don't think it's healthy to let it become all-consuming where one forgets to appreciate the joys and good things in life, no matter how small they may seem. It's also important to celebrate our successes and not beat ourselves down about what we haven't accomplished yet. JMHO.


--Michelle