i feel silly posting here... but

**perSue** · 06-15-2008, 05:48 PM

... but i need to get this off my mind.

i'm feeling invisible.
not here... in life, in general.

i thought by giving up my wants/desires - never had dreams or goals - and doting on my family, i'd be ok.
i do my best to do what i feel my role is... and for the most part i think i do well.
i'm not looking for a 'thanks' or 'pat on the back' - i just wonder if i'm supposed to do more.
i feel like i'm too old to do too much, but i'm back in school... and now thinking of having a career! but can i afford college AND our ds in a matter of a couple yrs?

i just dont know what to do, what to focus on.
should i just find a silly job that pays bills, gives me time off for vacation and be happy? continually being invisible?

i have no friends around where i live. i dont like to get out much cuz i have no money, dont know anyone, and not much around where i'm at.

i feel like i'm complaining over trivial things...
i dont require a response. i just wanted to get this off my head.

**Missy** · 06-15-2008, 05:53 PM

I don't have an answer, but i have cyber hugs.

**Moor** · 06-15-2008, 06:29 PM

i know what you mean.
even though my dh's family and my family are not too far, we really don't see them that much. we just tend to stay by ourselves.
and we don't live that far from you.
i don't really have any friends either. i know a few of the neighbors, but really don't have anything in common with them that much.
we don't do a whole lot because of the way that dh works.
we tend to do things more as a family than anything.
i also know what you mean about not getting out and going anywhere. there are times when i am not working, that i don't leave the house for weeks on end. (except to check on the kids, when they are outside playing!)
most of the friends that i have are on here. why don't you give me a call sometime, maybe we could get together? i will pm you my number and even if we don't get together soon, we could at least call each other and get to know each other in real life.

**IntlMom** · 06-15-2008, 06:44 PM

(((hugs))))
sorry you're feeling this way...somehow a "cyber hug" just doesnt; seem enough!

**luv-my-lexi** · 06-15-2008, 06:49 PM

**FrugalWitch** · 06-15-2008, 07:47 PM

I can empathize. I gave up my career and all my hopes and dreams to become a full-time caregiver to my Momma. All my friends except one just <poof!> disappeared. If it weren't for the Village I sometimes believe that I would lose my mind.

Except for Momma, DH, and 1 very busy friend I have no one to talk to except at the Village. I don't go anywhere except to drive DH back and forth to work, the grocery store and pharmacy.

I wish we lived close in real life. My thoughts and wishes for abundant Blessing go to you.

You aren't alone in feeling alone and empty.

**dolphin** · 06-15-2008, 07:57 PM

Awe Sue....Bigs Hugs! Honey, you do have several goals and dreams! One is to be the best Mother and wife that you can be and Two is to complete College. Those are WONDERFUL goals and dreams!

You are a bit isolated and a lot of us tend to do that especially when we are trying to be the main caregiver to our families. This too shall pass as your children grow and your responsibilities to others lessons.

Now I'm certainly no expert on this but I do know a lot about being invisible. Sometimes it's a choice with me and other times it's the lack of funds or lack of outside friends.

I was REAL bad off 3 years ago. I was aghoraphobic and I have some trauma that I'm dealing with! I found a new interest. I went to the yarn store up the street (not far as I couldn't go far because I had too many fears of being in a car accident and being away from home) and I found they had a needlework class every Tuesday at 2:00 to 4:00. I was scared to go but I did it anyway! Sometimes I didn't want to go but dh encouraged me and sometimes took me! I forced myself to go and I absolutely LOVED it! I met some beautiful ladies who all had my same interest and we became very close.

It only cost $2.00 per class and the teacher is a dream! Dh and Ds were so thrilled that I was finally getting out of the house and had a bright spot in my life. "They" knew that by me finding a bright spot in my life that I could give them more of a 'happy' me. I had to stop going last year when I got so sick and then we didn't have an extra car but I know I can go any Tuesday now and I made 5 beautiful afghans that I gave away to family and friends!

So what I'm thinking is...do your schooling. Apply for any help to get you through it. Take time for yourself with your studies and make that your goal. If they have a study group at your college, join it. Or, if you cannot afford schooling any longer, find a craft, hobby, or exercise that you like to do. But most of all, reach out to others in real life just like you did here.

I know you didn't ask for advice or comments but I am getting older and it's hard for me NOT to hand out my life experiences, LOL.

We love ya Sue. Hang in there and keep happy thoughts. Carolyn

**Darlene** · 06-15-2008, 08:06 PM

I'm not very helpful on the career front but I do know that volunteering at something that makes you feel ,like wow, can do wonders for you feeling helpful.
Love pets, get involved in walking or fostering or rescuing.
Love music, how about ushering concerts?
Plants? offer to help weed.
Museums, tour guide
elderly, just sit and listen or wheel them outdoors.

You mean so much to people you know & hundreds who would love to meet you.

**baxjul** · 06-15-2008, 08:55 PM

(((((Hugs)))))

**AmyMCGS** · 06-15-2008, 09:11 PM

Originally Posted by Darlene

I'm not very helpful on the career front but I do know that volunteering at something that makes you feel ,like wow, can do wonders for you feeling helpful.
Love pets, get involved in walking or fostering or rescuing.
Love music, how about ushering concerts?
Plants? offer to help weed.
Museums, tour guide
elderly, just sit and listen or wheel them outdoors.

You mean so much to people you know & hundreds who would love to meet you.

Darlene beat me to it, but I was going to say about the same thing.

There are so many places who would appreciate someone extra who cares. I'm in charge of volunteers in my nursing home, and I LOVE to have people come in who are family-oriented and just want to come and sit and listen to residents tell stories.

**perSue** · 06-15-2008, 09:23 PM

thanks everyone... i feel a little better.

i dont have time for volunteering, tho it is rewarding.
we only have one fam. car, and i dont usually have it.
and w/in walking distance, there's not much to "volunteer" to do.

so my options are limited to sitting in the house... wishing i could go/do something... but am filled with guilt if i WANT to leave the house for anything.

i've just gotta get over it.

**fernykins** · 06-15-2008, 09:58 PM

I knowhow it feel too. If someone didn't need anything from me. They would not talk to me.............So I have taken care of things I want for me.........Sorry you feel this way
Fern

**Drgnfly423** · 06-15-2008, 11:08 PM

I just wanted to give you some :hugz; and say you're not alone in feeling lost. I hope getting it out there will help you gain some perspective. It helps me sometimes. I'm thinking of you and hoping that you are feeling inspired this week!

**dolphin** · 06-16-2008, 12:25 AM

dont have time for volunteering, tho it is rewarding.
we only have one fam. car, and i dont usually have it.
and w/in walking distance, there's not much to "volunteer" to do.

Awe, then don't worry about volunteering now, truely, if it's in your heart to do this, the time will come. It did for me and I was able to volunteer at a food bank for 3 years, very gratifying but I was 50 years old then and my children had moved out. I imagine you are much younger so you still have time to dream of volunteering but you might be asked by a church group or someone who would do all of the driving just for your time. Keep that in mind and keep your options open.

so my options are limited to sitting in the house... wishing i could go/do something... but am filled with guilt if i WANT to leave the house for anything.

Awe honey, you've got to find SOMETHING right now to make your life 'feel' worthwhile. You are truely giving ALL of yourself to your family but if you feel you have more to give then you must LOOK for what that 'something' is. Even if it's just sitting and reading a book to broaden your mind, or even a book to make you laugh, or walk the neighborhood and observe what life there is all around you. Sadness and Depression can easily set in when you are so alone. I beg you to not let that happen. You're way too precious to all who love you to let yourself get so 'down'. Big Hugs and have a nice night and since it's so late, have a wonderful Monday!. Carolyn