Homesickness that goes on forever and only gets worse

**monkeywrangler71** · 09-04-2008, 01:14 PM

Is this normal for an adult? When I look for answers online everything is about kids going to camp and teenagers going to college. It's supposed to be temporary, get better over time and apparently just for youth.

I'm just getting worse. I was actually fine at first; the weather is nice here, the cost of living is low, I don't have to deal with the nut I used to live next to. Then the shiny newness wore off and I gradually started missing home. Now it's all I think about. I can barely drag myself out of bed, the house is a mess, I cry all the time. I know there are extenuating circumstances right now - a teenager I can't handle, a dying family member - but this horrible lost feeling from being so far from my home is at the root of everything.

Do other grown ups feel like this when they move away? What about military families? Is this something that's ever discussed? supported? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do about it or where to look for answers. I guess I was supposed to make new connections here but that just isn't happening. Going back isn't an option for another 3 years.

If anyone has any suggestions or resources that will help me cope, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

**staciah** · 09-04-2008, 02:09 PM

We have been on the move since 2000. Every 3 yrs we relocate to a new State. We will be relocating again this yr. We don't know when or where yet but I get excited to go to a new place and meet different people and learn new things.

How long have you been living at your new location? It does take time but what I would do, if you can, try to get back home for a weekend. Visit with old friends and family. We did that our first few yrs when we moved. We haven't been "home" for over a yr now and I really don't miss it anymore. When I go back, it depresses me because it is such a slow paced country town and there is nothing to do. I walk into Walmart there and see half the people I went to school with and think "get out and get a life".

Anyway, I hope you can start making a new life for yourself in your new place. Think of it as an adventure. You can always go home but alot of people never leave home. It's a big world out there, experience it and enjoy it.

**DJ1972** · 09-04-2008, 02:28 PM

I heard a radio show a few weeks ago about this very subject. You can listen online. I hope it helps. I lived in Illinois for 8 years and I never got used to it and never felt "at home". We now live in MO, in my hometown, and even DH says there is a better sense of peace in our lives. Praying your situation brightens.

http://listen.family.org/daily/A000001353.cfm

**monkeywrangler71** · 09-04-2008, 04:19 PM

Originally Posted by staciah

How long have you been living at your new location?

We have been here for just over 3 years.

**daughter of pearl** · 09-04-2008, 05:58 PM

Can you identify particular aspects of home that you are missing...when we are under stress, we often think back to easier times, and usually to our roots...you are in Ontario now...where is home?

**Marie78** · 09-04-2008, 07:27 PM

You are not alone! I only live an hour from where I grew up, but I get homesick and I have to visit at least 1x/month. 7 years ago when I moved away from home, I thought that I just missed my mom and that's why I went back a few times a month. Then I realized it was the whole town and the way it made me feel (safe and protected). It's a small town that I have outgrown now, but I would love to have summer vacations there in the future when I have kids and I am not working full time. I don't think I could ever live there again, for the same reason that I love it so much and feel drawn to it. I get a sense of myself and the slower pace of life calms me, I think that slower pace of life is at my core and now I live in a faster passed suburb and work in a city that doesn't reflect my inner self.

**Goodwin17** · 09-04-2008, 10:18 PM

I definitely felt this way when I left Alabama. I left immediately after I finished graduate school. I decided I'd spent all my life here in Alabama, and there was no need to stay any longer. I took a job in Indiana that after 3 months didn't really work out, because the doctor I worked with decided she didn't like Indiana. I decided then that I'd move to the panhandle of Florida, and I lived there for 2 years. I never really felt at home the whole time I was there. After my work contract was up, I moved back to Alabama. I moved to the area I was living at when I finished graduate school. It is not the town I grew up in (I just feel depressed when I go back there), but I truly love where I live now. I am not saying I won't ever try to live somewhere else again, but this place really does feel like home. So I do understand where you are coming from. Sending you big hugs!!!

**monkeywrangler71** · 09-04-2008, 11:24 PM

Thank you, it does help to know that other's have been through this. I don't get home more than once a year because it just costs too much for 5 people to fly and it is an 18hr drive. Family comes to visit a few times a year.

It is hard right now because a very close family member is terminally ill. If I was living there then I could visit regularly and always at least pretend that I'll be back to see her one more time. I'm going home tomorrow to visit her and I know when I leave that I will never see her again. I'm not really sure how to deal with that. Back home everyone is leaning on each other right now and I feel so disconnected and alone out here.

Originally Posted by daughter of pearl

Can you identify particular aspects of home that you are missing...when we are under stress, we often think back to easier times, and usually to our roots...you are in Ontario now...where is home?

I am from NS. Right now I pretty much miss everything except fog and the price of milk.

**HisDaisy** · 09-05-2008, 07:21 AM

I understand and have experienced homesickness as an adult. Right out of college, I moved 2000 miles away from home. At first, I was extemely homesick. I missed my family and my friends. Eventually, i adjusted and made new friends, many for which become like family.
Fast forward a few years, I am now married to a wonderful man and he take a job 75 miles away from where we are living which means we get to move. We have lived here a little over a year and I have never adjusted. I miss my friends and I miss my family.
Now, I just want to go home, I am tired of living so far away from family. I am also worried that I will miss that last chance to see a dying relative. I am more homesick now than I have ever been.
I guess, I don't have any advice for you. But I wanted you to know that you are not alone.

**Jskell911** · 09-05-2008, 09:25 PM

We bought a house an hour away from my family. And even with that short distance and working in my home city, I too feel cut off. I LOVE my home, but know absolutely no one in this city. I live on a main road with only 1 close neighbor. We do not even talk to them- I do not like the way they interact with their child (no abuse just cold).

So, I guess I have it so much better as I do get to see my family about twice a month.

I am sorry you are going through this. I do believe your other circumstances are sharpening your sense of homesickness as you do not have the "comfort level" that "home" provides.

**ladykemma2** · 09-06-2008, 11:57 AM

Originally Posted by monkeywrangler71

Thank you, it does help to know that other's have been through this. I don't get home more than once a year because it just costs too much for 5 people to fly and it is an 18hr drive. Family comes to visit a few times a year.

It is hard right now because a very close family member is terminally ill. If I was living there then I could visit regularly and always at least pretend that I'll be back to see her one more time. I'm going home tomorrow to visit her and I know when I leave that I will never see her again. I'm not really sure how to deal with that. Back home everyone is leaning on each other right now and I feel so disconnected and alone out here.

I am from NS. Right now I pretty much miss everything except fog and the price of milk.

a southwest ticket is 144 bucks. go by yourself......