ten minute pity party

**ladykemma2** · 12-31-2008, 10:02 AM

then i will straighten up, act adult, and stop whining... I'm a weeble, i wobble but i don't fall down.

i need to act like a whiny 4 year old for a few minutes. this is kind of a joke so don't take this seriously. i find it helpful to get this out.

yesterday was a day of reckoning. I paid all insurances due, updated and renewed them and am frankly in sticker and inflation shock, sort of shell shocked. i also since i was wiping out my bank account went ahead and paid off that credit card balance.

i have a lot of goals, some tiny, some realistic and some grandiose. I actually had it in my mind that in a few years i will be able to afford a trip to england (about $5000). i am having the acute and painful realization that is is not going to happen. not on my current teacher salary AND being a homeowner. (sits in corner, pouts, sucks thumb, hates reality...)

i tend to have this meltdown every six months. i am going to have a ten minute meltdown of "i can't afford this house". waAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. IT'S TOO MUCH. (sucks thumb) i have no freakin' life (anger/ temper tantrum) on top of working 12 hour days, I'm either cleaning it, maintaining it, paying for it, gardening it, weeding it. my ex lives in an apartment he doesn't have to maintain, travels internationally, and has all sorts of time to play and have fun (jealous, jealous, jealous)

(adult voice here) it's <25% of my take home pay, so yes, i can afford it. This is adult reality. (reality is not the issue here...) the adult reality is that i lack for nothing, i can't sell the house because then i would be throwing equivalent money away on rent.

i spent christmas with a friend, who has cable. wAAAAAAAAAhHHHHHHHHHHH. i want cable. (pouts, suck thumb)

Feelings are just feelings and I am not insane (grin) , just having a BAD DAY.
happy new year. yippee.

Now i will go act adult and be sane.

yes, I know how good I've got it....now i have to go figure out how to achieve my goals.

**Dancing Lotus** · 12-31-2008, 10:09 AM

Big hugs , we all need to cry about real life once in a while. I have my ups and down too. The truth is that if you were able to look at your life from someone else point of view it would look all that bad.

**frugalfriend** · 12-31-2008, 10:16 AM

It's OK to have a pity party once in awhile! We all need them! I do it! Hey, you paid off your cc ~ that's huge! Time to celebrate!!

From your siggy it looks like you own your home, no mortgage payments. So, the maintenance, taxes and insurance are all you have to pay, right? That is awesome!

I would definitely keep your paid off house and enjoy it. Hang in there, try to think about all the good things going forward into 2009! I think in time, you WILL be able to take that trip that you dream of. Put a little away at a time. Happy New Year to you!

**ladykemma2** · 12-31-2008, 10:39 AM

Originally Posted by frugalfriend

It's OK to have a pity party once in awhile! We all need them! I do it! Hey, you paid off your cc ~ that's huge! Time to celebrate!!

From your siggy it looks like you own your home, no mortgage payments. So, the maintenance, taxes and insurance are all you have to pay, right? That is awesome!

I would definitely keep your paid off house and enjoy it. Hang in there, try to think about all the good things going forward into 2009! I think in time, you WILL be able to take that trip that you dream of. Put a little away at a time. Happy New Year to you!

yeah usually i have a pity party right before a spiritual growth spurt. so something good is going to happen.

**McD** · 12-31-2008, 10:39 AM

Everybody is entitled to have a pity party. Just make sure you don't let the self-pity consume you. It becomes a very sad life if you do.

**ladykemma2** · 12-31-2008, 10:55 AM

pulling on my big girl panties, wiping my nose:

i am full of gratitude to heavenly father that i have a good stable job, my home, my health, my possessions, my pets, my friends.

i love this house. i would never sell it. I take really good care of it.

at this point I am no longer going to consider international travel. That is part of my past "lah dee dah" "married to moneybags" life. going to release this dream for today. the dream can reappear later.

so, how can i have cable? this convertor box stinks.

i really, really don't want to teach summer school, but it is easy money. yuck. ick. pooey.

passive income: a roommate? cutting back on expenses? sell stuff?

active income: summer job? teach summer school?

I don't know the answers today.

**ladykemma2** · 12-31-2008, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by MrsMcDowell

Everybody is entitled to have a pity party. Just make sure you don't let the self-pity consume you. It becomes a very sad life if you do.

oh, no (grins) pity parties only last a few minutes!

**LastDragonfly** · 12-31-2008, 12:40 PM

Big girl panties! bwhahahahah. I love that saying (I have a stamp that has that on it)

The best thing about you owning your home is: your ex will eventually have to pay MORE rent. tee hee and or BOO HOO for him.

If I were you, I'd check into the bottom tier of cable or satellite. You can afford it since your international travel plans have changed.

I think you should find someone (thru church maybe) that needs a traveling companion somewhere. Perhaps they will pay for your ticket and lodging.

Perhaps private tutoring or tutoring thru the school would be more appealing than summer school. Or teaching for a Sylvan learning center.

Ok, my ten minutes of brainstorming with you are up!

**Greebo** · 12-31-2008, 01:27 PM

Here. You've earned it. You can have a pity party this time.

Have some comfort food. Big girl pantie style.

**Greebo** · 12-31-2008, 01:33 PM

Ok - problem solving time.

Teacher salary. Teacher salaries go up with experience and education level, right?

So - what about working towards your masters on weekends and summers?

What about tutoring on the weekends? If you could tutor on Saturdays for 5 hours at $25/hr that'd be over $6k a year. That'd pay for a vacation to England.

Or taking in a tenant/boarder?

**Drgnfly423** · 12-31-2008, 01:35 PM

(hugs) Everyone gave good advice, and it sounds like you have a great plan in the works. I'm about due for a melt down...it seems to happen this time of year, LOL!

Thanks for helping me realize that it will be ok, and I need to come up with some solutions, too.

**ladykemma2** · 12-31-2008, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by Drgnfly423

(hugs) Everyone gave good advice, and it sounds like you have a great plan in the works. I'm about due for a melt down...it seems to happen this time of year, LOL!

Thanks for helping me realize that it will be ok, and I need to come up with some solutions, too.

ten minute pity parties are cathartic!!!! highly recommended.

**ladykemma2** · 12-31-2008, 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by Greebo

Ok - problem solving time.

Teacher salary. Teacher salaries go up with experience and education level, right?

So - what about working towards your masters on weekends and summers?

What about tutoring on the weekends? If you could tutor on Saturdays for 5 hours at $25/hr that'd be over $6k a year. That'd pay for a vacation to England.

Or taking in a tenant/boarder?

that picture is hilarious.

masters not worth it, only pays 500 a year more, less taxes. yes, salaries go up well every year. in five years i will be earning substantially more money.

i can earn money on saturdays proctoring SAT exams and such.

keep ideas coming.

**Greebo** · 12-31-2008, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by ladykemma2

that picture is hilarious.

masters not worth it, only pays 500 a year more, less taxes. yes, salaries go up well every year. in five years i will be earning substantially more money.

In MD, as I recall, the advanced degrees netted much more money as the time in position went up. Bummer that its useless there.

**ladykemma2** · 01-01-2009, 08:05 AM

ok, i woke up determined to get cable and make it happen. this is an issue that keeps coming up and coming up and coming up.

Goal: research AT&T bundled service.

In AA we call these "high class problems".

letting go of the lah dee dah lifestyle of international travel--- kinda similar to jimmy stewart in "It's a wonderful life" . letting go of one more part of my former life and marriage. letting go of jealousy when I hear he's gone somewhere. my life has changed, my financial situation has changed. be done with it.

I love my home; it shows love on the inside and the outside.
Goals for homecaring:
paint ceilings this summer (need tall ladder)
re-buy plentiful fresh geraniums for front porch (died during year of the divorce)
replant neglected english flower garden (negelcted during year of the divorce)
repaint royal blue front door, polish brass

tend to spiritual (LDS and AA) life, nurture social life. have potluck dinners, entertain again.