Trying To Move On....

**Libby** · 02-19-2009, 07:50 PM

I know, I know...I'll get over it and I am strong yaddah yaddah yaddah but I just don't feel like it today. I've recently had to break up with my bf of just over one yr (yes, only one) b/c it was better to do so now vs further down the road. We had developped totally different views on our future and there was no way either one of us was going to change course. He realized it first, vocalized it and I took about a month to absorb it. I guess my subconcience was ready to deal with it b/c I finally saw his light. I saw what he saw. I voiced my concerns back to him and we agreed to break up mutually.

We've agreed to have no contact for a while and we've gathered each others belongings to be exchanged at a later point in time. We both do want to keep in touch - more then the 'hey' or sending junky fwd emails to each other. We've both shaped each others lives to where we are today and we both couldn't have done it w/o each other. Sounds cliche, but we're better off as friends then when we were in a relationship.

The part that I am having the worst time adjusting to is the hole or void of where our friendship was. I feel utterly lost w/o being able to talk with him and share my day and ask for opinions/suggestions on how I should be dealing with things in my daily life. I know its expected to be like this with a break up but this is utterly painful. It's not been like this with any other ex I've had. I've tried being more social, going out with friends etc but nothing's working. I know time is all I need but....really? What do I do in the meantime until TIME has run its course?

The odd thing is that I don't feel that I have a broken heart or have lost someone significant in my life. Is that weird?

I think I am just really feeling the void.

**Debbie-cat** · 02-19-2009, 08:20 PM

I had a friend in your same situation. They mutally broke up and kept away from each other for a while deciding what to do with their lives. They both moved on and still are the best of friends. Actually he stood up for her at her wedding!!! It is good that you have discovered this now. As time passes try and stay friends ( of course if it isn't going to work don't do it ) but the void right now is more of a loss of a friend (confidante) than a BF. Sending hugs.

**AdamantEve** · 02-20-2009, 04:47 AM

I'm sorry that you are feeling so blue.

I hope that you will go out and try some new things/activities- it's what helped me get through "the void" in the past. Perhaps a journal would be a good place to share your feelings and what's been going on in your day... for now.

Hang in there- this too shall pass.

**phoeny_moonstar** · 02-20-2009, 05:46 AM

Sorry to hear about everything. I'll keepo you in my thoughts.

**TheRootedNomad** · 02-20-2009, 07:04 AM

I pmed ya.

**Darlene** · 02-20-2009, 07:27 AM

So that's what you've been doing.

I think if you find some volunteer work (helping animals, people, fav cause) it will fill you up in a different way and do some positive stuff for the world & yourself at the same time. Sorry you are hurting.

**IntlMom** · 02-20-2009, 09:08 AM

I've been there before too.

Definitley need to have some good "me time".

Sorry about the loss of the friendship, that's tough.

**forHISglory** · 02-20-2009, 09:40 AM

There is absolutely a void when a person who has been a major part of your life is suddenly not there. And as humans, we take time to fill that gap.

My best advice would be to cut the ties completely for now. To have someone in and out of your life doesn't allow the void to be filled with someone who is more permanent. Cutting ties completely doesn't mean being mean or vindictive. It just means that you are quitting cold turkey. There may be a time farther down the road that a friendship can resume, but right now, you seem to be rather tender in this area.

What ever you decide, know that you can vent or ask advice anytime on this forum.

**redeme** · 02-21-2009, 01:29 AM

Sorry...it's hard to give time the time it needs to heal us.

(((Libby))) Hugs for you...

**starsapphire** · 02-21-2009, 11:28 AM

I'm sorry. Breakups really suck.

FWIW, it sounds to me like right now, you need to just sit there with your feelings and absorb what happened. I know the feelings are uncomfortable but really, the only way out, is through. Too often we want to run and hide from hurtful, painful feelings (or the void) by getting involved in other activities but that doesn't make them go away.

I know the void. I had to spend time with the void and explore the void in order to make it go away. Is it painful? Of course. But there is freedom and self-knowledge at the end of the journey.

Journaling is great for sorting out your thoughts and feelings. And when you're ready you will know it and you will find other fulfilling activities and friends to spend your time with.

**rainbowgc** · 02-21-2009, 02:44 PM

As the saying goes "you can't meet Mr Right when you are dating Mr Wrong" Sorry about the breakup.

**Libby** · 03-01-2009, 11:36 AM

I just wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you for reading my post and taking the time to reply. I know time does heal...but I'm still trying to figure out what the VOID is in my life and how to fill it. I've been keeping more busy then usual and dealing with stresses at work and other areas in my life as well, balance is the key and I'm still trying to find it. I guess with this situation its a bit easier, its one less thing to worry about or have to consider in my life but there still that danged VOID feeling

Again, thank you to everyone who responded - it means a lot to me that my 'village family' is there for support.

Originally Posted by Debbie-cat

I had a friend in your same situation. They mutally broke up and kept away from each other for a while deciding what to do with their lives. They both moved on and still are the best of friends. Actually he stood up for her at her wedding!!! It is good that you have discovered this now. As time passes try and stay friends ( of course if it isn't going to work don't do it ) but the void right now is more of a loss of a friend (confidante) than a BF. Sending hugs.

I think you're right Debbie-cat....it is more like the loss of a confidante then a BF...but it's weird, as much as we tell our friends all and not the BF, the friends are just not the same. I dont know why that is...but I think you just hit the nail on the head with that. Thank you!

Originally Posted by IntlMom

I've been there before too.

Definitley need to have some good "me time".

Sorry about the loss of the friendship, that's tough.

I've been having a lot of ME time this past month...has started to help get a new routine started up for myself...it's hard when you used to share everything - events, outings, thoughts etc but I kow it can be done....man my toes have never changed colour so many times in such a short period! LOL

Originally Posted by forHISglory

There is absolutely a void when a person who has been a major part of your life is suddenly not there. And as humans, we take time to fill that gap.

My best advice would be to cut the ties completely for now. To have someone in and out of your life doesn't allow the void to be filled with someone who is more permanent. Cutting ties completely doesn't mean being mean or vindictive. It just means that you are quitting cold turkey. There may be a time farther down the road that a friendship can resume, but right now, you seem to be rather tender in this area.

What ever you decide, know that you can vent or ask advice anytime on this forum.

Apparently I still am tender in this area...I guess time heals this part but I do know I can always turn to my friends here at the village. You guys are the best!

Originally Posted by rainbowgc

As the saying goes "you can't meet Mr Right when you are dating Mr Wrong" Sorry about the breakup.

Hahaha, for somes strange reason, this quote made me laugh so hard, I spit my tea! Its true, but still ironically funny - thank you for the laugh!