I feel like a failure today...

**nuisance26** · 09-08-2009, 07:38 PM

~The kids saw the dentist today. I knew they needed work but I was absolutely floored by how much work they need done. Fillings, extractions, pulpotomies and ds has a tiny abscess on one tooth.
I'm just so frustrated that I haven't kept up their oral hygiene as well as I probably should have. I'm frustrated because my kids have sensory disorders and speech delays so they can't tell me when they're having tooth pain.
So I spent the day feeling inadequate and calling every pediatric dentist in our area to arrange further procedures.
I'm so upset that they'll have to sedate the kids in an OR to do all the work. I'm scared for them.
I don't even want to think about how much this is all going to cost.~

**frugalwarrior** · 09-08-2009, 07:50 PM

You know what. You can't go back in time. Next time you do every 6 months. As far as the bills go,same thing. One at a time. I don't care to tell you how many things have gotten away from me over the years. All we can do is correct our mistakes. I always pray for God to help me do better next time. KWIM. hugs to you.

**AmyBoz** · 09-08-2009, 07:54 PM

I'm sorry to hear this. Also, you know sometimes bad teeth are just that...bad teeth. Doesn't matter how often you see the dentist or brush and floss...some people just have bad teeth.

Just be more vigilant in the future and know that we all have things we wished we had done differently as parents.

**Debbie-cat** · 09-08-2009, 08:06 PM

As parents, we all make mistakes at one time or another, wish we could re-do bad situations, and sometimes feel like failures. I have been there, like I am sure every other Mother on FV has been there at one time or another.

Now is your chance to start watching more closely and getting them checked more often. I hope that the bill doesn't put you in a really bad position financially. Sending hugs and saying prayers for your little one's appointments.

**McD** · 09-08-2009, 08:24 PM

Oh, Constance, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I know how hard it is to see your child suffer, especially when you feel like it's happening at least in part to a decision/action on your part.

Sedation is much scarier and harder on you then on the kid for the most part. Wesley had to be sedated in the E.R. this summer as well as sedated in the O.R. and I bawled and bawled and bawled. He snapped out of it, just fine.

PM me if you have any questions.

**savvy_sniper** · 09-08-2009, 08:27 PM

Don't beat yourself up! As Amy said sometimes bad teeth are bad teeth no matter how well you take care of them.

Ask the dentist to prioritize the work that needs to be done. I am a grown woman and I am terrified of the dentist! I put off going for a LONG time. I only started going a couple of years ago when a tooth broke and I had to go. Then another tooth broke recently. That was the tooth he was going to put a crown on next anyway.

The dentist is very patient and understanding. Even though I have dental insurance there is a yearly cap that they will pay out. We now have the right side of my mouth all done. NOW we are starting on the left. I need 5 fillings, a root canal, and a crown. I have already had a crown and a filling so there isn't much left of the insurance money for this year.

So we wait and start again after the first of the year. The dentist saw my mom for years. They have now been seeing me for several years and let me pay my share out in three payments instead of two. I know it isn't much, but it was something!

You and your kids are in my thoughts and prayers!

**ri*smom** · 09-08-2009, 08:44 PM

I agree; don't beat yourself up! And there is no use feeling guilt or inadequacy . . . just take today and use it as a lesson learned for the future. :bighugs:

**NewLeaf** · 09-08-2009, 09:30 PM

I feel for you. My ds 7 has Aspergers/adhd and his first trip to the dentist was a nightmare. He was wonderful, the dentist was a jerk!!! Ds just wouldn't quit talking and asking questions about all of the equipment. The dentist got mad and charged us for the visit and an extra $50 as a "behavior fee". Needless to say we changed dentists and found a really nice one. It has been hard to take care of ds7's teeth properly too. He ended up having one cavity and the new dentist was so good that it went better than I ever imagined. I was so scared for ds and he ended up surprising me and doing great. I read him the Little Critter book about going to the dentist and it really did help.

Ds13 is my Nuero typical child. He went to the jerk dentist too and ended up having a terrible terrible panic attack while in the chair. He passed out, threw up and cried. The dentist yelled at him. Ds13 is going to the new dentist now too.

**mauimagic** · 09-08-2009, 09:53 PM

Oh Nuisance, you are such a good mommy to your babies. This is a challenging area for a lot of us. My hope is that you have a dentist that you like and that the respect is mutual between you. Your babies may have the type of teeth that need extra care. It's going to be okay.

What I learned today is that I have to make my next visit before I leave his office. Last visit was five years ago - I need a crown and other work. For the first time I am committed to taking care of my teeth on a regular basis - and I'm 63.

Take care of the problems now and set up regular appointments.

Please do not be so hard on yourself. You are a good person and your children are lucky to have you as their mommy!!

**Rebookie** · 09-08-2009, 11:13 PM

Don't be so hard on yourself! You are doing the best you can with what issues they have!

**frugalfranny** · 09-08-2009, 11:34 PM

Don't beat yourself up, you are doing the best you can. You can just learn from this and correct it. Take it one step at a time. The dentists here are usually good about setting up some sort of payment, check with yours. Have the dentist help you set a priority for what needs to be done first and go from there......

I wish you the best in feeling better and solving this.

**Jamauk** · 09-08-2009, 11:50 PM

Oh nuisance!,

You are a wonderful Mommy!! Your kids are so lucky that you love and care for them and put them first ALWAYS! Sometimes these things just happen and you just have to buckle down and deal with them. Take the advice given here and ask your dentist to prioritize what work needs to be done. You can space out the procedures so as not to overwhelm your bank account and also not to overwhelm your children!
We're all here for you!

**nuisance26** · 09-09-2009, 02:13 PM

~Thanks for the support everyone. It means a lot to me!
I just returned from another pediatric dentist appointment for ds. This dentist can get my son's work done next week. Everyone was lovely to me and ds and answered all my questions.
He will be sedated but the work will be done in less than 2 hours and he will not be in any pain then or after. All that's left to do is take him over to his doctor for a pre-op physical.
Now all I have to do is stop worrying and b r e a t h.~

**danni** · 09-09-2009, 03:40 PM

I know how you feel, but you are not a bad mother!!

I felt the same way when I found out but as others said some times it is just genetic predisposition. My oldest 2 were lucky and escaped our family bad teeth, but my youngest 3 weren't so lucky. They all had the surgery done between the ages of 3 and 4. They all came through it really well. The dentist said to have them only eat soft foods and not to use straws for a day or 2. The twins tried to convince me they could eat apples after the surgery. They had no pain at all. Emily wasn't in alot of pain but she was very upset by the fact that I couldn't stay with her the whole time and she didn't come out of the anaesthetic very well.

So just try to relax and breathe. I'm sure it will all work out alright.

**mommy4ever** · 09-09-2009, 08:18 PM

Just so you know, just because there's an abscess doesn't mean there's pain. In adults, yes, but kids not necessarily.

I have had 2 kids go under for dental work. One went twice! A 3rd had teeth with NO cavities abscess. No idea why.

Going under general for my girls was no big deal. They were told to blow up the balloon, and were put under using gas, and then the IV was put in.

Coming out of anesthetic, they were a bit of a bear, but it didn't last long at all. No fear once they shook off the cobwebs.