It feels like the end of the world

**craftypam** · 05-24-2010, 11:28 AM

Sorry for what you are going through. My ds recently broke up with his fiance and they had been together for a long time. He needed the break. Not being treated right. If that was the case with you; think of it this way. If you were with him and some great guy passsed you by because you were in the bad relationship, how would you feel then? I don't know what the reason, but if you broke up with him; you deserve better.
Hugs to you; hope you feel better soon!!!

**Darlene** · 05-24-2010, 12:12 PM

Glad you are putting yourself first and realize that you can't change him only do what's best for you. I believe that you made a very good judgment call. You are worth being respected and cherished not being someones verbal punching bag. When guys act like this one is it can often escalate to physical abuse too. Smart lady seeing those warning signs & backing off.
Give yourself time and give yourself the gift of only settling for the very best.
Sorry you are hurting but proud of you & cheering you on as you head in another more positive direction.
Big hug!!

**Rhayne** · 05-24-2010, 01:51 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup. Everything will work out in the end. Just rememeber God had a plan.

**leighcat** · 05-24-2010, 05:28 PM

Thank you for all the hugs and kind words.
I gave in and called him. I asked him if he was sure he would rather end it than work on it before I went to have his cell phone removed from my plan. We have been splitting the bill on our cellphones. I was on my way to have his shut off when I called him. I am surprised he even answered. He thought there was another man and that is why he thought I was ending it. Which is the reason he was going to give up and walk away. I assured him there was nobody else. I just don't want to argue and I want him to open up more and listen to me instead of closing up. So he agreed it would be stupid to throw all these years away since we do have a good friendship when we aren't arguing. He said he is getting tired of the conflict too.
I am really hoping we can start over like from the beginning. I am taking a couple days off from work when the kids go with their dad on vacation. That way bf and I can take a couple days alone and maybe go out of town for a night by ourselves and just try to have fun without worrying about work and kids. We really stopped trying to work on us as a couple. I am scared though. I don't want to go through this again. I am going to try to convince him to try something like counseling or something where we can learn to talk without arguing. I could really use some advice.

**mauimagic** · 05-24-2010, 07:24 PM

Leighcat - counseling sounds like a great idea. If he doesn't want to go, please go yourself for the support you deserve. Please let us know how everything works out!!

**zakity** · 05-24-2010, 08:52 PM

Give yourself a time limit (a month or two down the road). At that time limit, take inventory of the relationship and ask yourself a list of questions:

Did he actually change or is at least making a decent attempt at changing?
Are you happy with the progression of your relationship?
Are things the same as when you started?

Add other questions to the list during that period of time. Sit down and actually write down yes or no next to the questions. Don't just do it in your head. Look at the answers. Are you satisfied with them? Look at the answers again. Are any of them deal breakers?

And, yeah, I agree. Going to counseling is a good thing. If he doesn't want to go, then you need to go by yourself.

**Siebrie** · 05-25-2010, 08:08 AM

Excellent suggestion from Zakiti! Write down everything that bothers you right now (including that bf suspected you had a lover), and all the good points, and then check in 2 or 3 months to see if there have been any indications that things will change / have changed. Do not rely in your memory.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

**leighcat** · 05-25-2010, 05:37 PM

Thanks again for being there for me. I will have to write that list. I was thinking of going to counseling for myself. If he won't go, at least maybe I can learn a better way of communicating my needs.

**Judi Dial** · 05-25-2010, 10:01 PM

I hear you.

Like others, I've been there, and done that. I had an on/off relationship for EIGHT years, it was miserable. I know you're hurting right now, but you really can't live with someone who refuses to accept that they're responsible for the relationship too. And whether that's just talking about problems or going for help, either way, you're right, it takes two.

Good for you for knowing you have to do this, God, I'm sorry, as I know it hurts. Time will fix it, trust me, but you just have to ride this out right now.

((many hugs))

Judi