i am so glad i got a divorce...

**ladykemma2** · 05-30-2010, 05:57 AM

warning
this post is not for children's eyes

i am 2 years divorced. three years for the whole thing.

out of curiosity and boredom i googled the ex's name. he popped up on regular dating sites as "straight" and looking for a wife. then he popped up on icky sites as "bisexual" and looking for fun. his sex addcition involved engaging in anonymous sex with men in bathrooms and parks as part of his secret life.

ya know, the split personality of the sex addict is fascinating. the double secret life. what gets me is - he had two (hundred thousand dollar) psychiatric hospitalizations at the meadows, personal counseling by patrick carnes and mary pratt, and years of sobriety. and HE'S STILL DOING IT! and still trying to con me.

he still comes to me with puppy eyes and hints whether we will ever reconcile. dual personality. the double secret life.

it occured to me that he didn't love me, he loved the home and security i created.

i still miss his money. moneybags. I'll admit it.

i am eternally grateful to my heavenly father who told me verbally to "pack his stuff, put it in storage and change the locks."

**ladykemma2** · 05-30-2010, 06:10 AM

added a thought

the stages were:
the pathetic phase: panic about money, grieving, howling, crying, unable to function, missing him and our lah dee dah life, missing travel.
the angry phase: wanting to tell everybody, revenge
the peaceful phase: live and let live, i'm going to live my life

now i am in the the repair phase: repairing my home, garden, body, relationships that were neglected in the previous phases.

God hears and answers my prayers. i prayed to god for "something new". didn't specify what.

I got:
a male kitten who brought energy and new life into the house.
a new elective class to teach next year.
new paint inside my home and rearranged furniture the way i want it.
new hairstyle.
new "free at work" exercise class and a whole "free at work" exercise program i didn't know existed.
"new to me" old lane cedar chest
a mantel clock

**thesightofoneself** · 05-30-2010, 06:21 AM

doesnt mean you have to put him on blast

**ladykemma2** · 05-30-2010, 06:28 AM

Originally Posted by thesightofoneself

doesnt mean you have to put him on blast

i don't know what that expression means?

**thesightofoneself** · 05-30-2010, 06:33 AM

Originally Posted by ladykemma2

i don't know what that expression means?

all his information out there.

dont get me wrong. i like you but it just seemed harsh.

**ladykemma2** · 05-30-2010, 06:40 AM

my posting name is anonymous. he is the one who put his icky stuff out there.

and anyway. this is about me. I am sooo glad i got a divorce...

**thesightofoneself** · 05-30-2010, 06:42 AM

i understand that. and i'm glad that your happy without him.

**lovestoread** · 05-30-2010, 06:58 AM

LK, you have been very blessed and very fortunate to have gotten out of that relationship...it is so sad that your ex cannot be true to himself or anyone else...you were very lucky to get out and what a great life it sounds like you have...my hats' off to you...many blessings...

**ladykemma2** · 05-30-2010, 07:23 AM

thanks.

it's interesting.

finding this stuff on the internet...

it sealed in my mind, once and for all, that I did the right thing. that i no longer need to feel guilty for taking the house and all the stuff. that i no longer want to have him as my beneficiary and recipient in my will. (yep, I kinda got "closure" on that...)

it clinched in my mind that i no longer have to feel (guilt) (responsibility) (did i make a mistake) (missing him) (should we reconcile) any more

**Pemberleyan** · 05-30-2010, 08:25 AM

Gosh, I'm sorry you have had to go through this. I know it has been a very painful journey and I'm glad you are now moving on, not blaming yourself, etc. I don't think anything you said was the least bit harsh. Facts are facts.

**mek42** · 05-30-2010, 08:41 AM

I hope your new path brings some much needed improvement, peace and joy.

**Jamielane** · 05-30-2010, 08:51 AM

I am glad you have found happiness and closure without him. I don't think it was harsh either. Just the facts.

**savvy_sniper** · 05-30-2010, 08:52 AM

Ladykemma,

Recovering from a divorce is a long arduous path. You are doing fine! It took me a long time to get over mine. Learning to trust again was one of the hardest things for me. Joe (2nd hubby) and I have been together 18 years now.

Onward and upward!

**LynnLC** · 05-30-2010, 11:29 AM

Originally Posted by thesightofoneself

all his information out there.

dont get me wrong. i like you but it just seemed harsh.

Harsh? In my opinion , his name should be on a billboard somewhere so others don't have to deal with his crap.

**frugalfranny** · 05-30-2010, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by Pemberleyan

I don't think anything you said was the least bit harsh. Facts are facts.

Yep...I agree. If he is going to post it, it will be for the world to see.

LK.........you are making great progress and moving on.........good for you. Don't look back........it was just an experience in life....maybe not one of your better ones, but how did you know.

Years down the road you will be able to look back and say "what the H was I thinking?"