How to stop being angry. (Incredibly loooong)

[Syn D]

My mom did the same thing! She called up my therapist in the middle of the night after one of our arguments and complained to him that she had seen no improvement in me whatsoever!

Wow!! My dad just busted in on my session with the therapist.. He was the type to confront you directly or express himself in a letter,, wasn't good at it on the phone..

[Libby]

Sorry you're going through this. The only thing I can think of is the saying 'forgive and forget'. Well you can always forgive...its not good to hold onto anger, it turns you into someone you don't want to be. As for the forgetting - you don't have to, thats your right to NOT forget.

I agree that counseling could benefit you both but it seems like she won't go b/c she thinks she doesn't need any. Just tell her you're going to use a code phrase when she gets all whacko (for lack of better term) and each time she goes off, just say the code phrase. If she keeps it up, put her on a time out and avoid her and her drama stirring ways for a while til she realizes that she's making your relationship toxic.

I hope things settle down for you and get to where you'd like them to be.

[mek42]

I tried counseling when I was still living under parentals and it didn't work, since I was still in the toxic environment. Went again when on my own and it did wonders. Having said that, finding a specific therapist who is both knowledgeable about your issues and that you quickly establish a natural rapport with are key.

I used to stress about forgiveness - I'd get even more worked up that I wasn't forgiving when I should be. Then I realized that there is no "should" for forgiveness on behalf of the other person; that forgiveness primarily benefits myself. Further, I realized that just acknowledging that the debt owed to me cannot ever be repaid, regardless my desire to have it repaid, is itself a form of forgiveness.

[frugal is fun]

Not all counselors and therapists are created equally.

That's why I said a 'good' counselor/therapist. One who genuinely cares and is good at intuiting what will help you, and not just trying to employ a particular school of psychological theory and/or 'diagnose' you.

I had a few years worth of counseling - it helped me heal and changed my life. I benefited greatly from it.

If you decide to go this route, try to 'interview' them a bit first to get a feel for if they will be helpful to you or not.

I'm done.

I agree with this totally, it took me three tries before I found the one that I was comfortable with and that really listened and helped. And most work on a sliding scale if money is an issue.