Kind of dreading the holidays

**nodmicks** · 12-05-2010, 03:35 PM

Originally Posted by cab54

Nod, I hear ya. With my Dad and Stepdad dying in just the last couple of months, I am a little worried about a meltdown at the family holiday parties....from me or somebody else.

Luckily, we both have big boisterous families, lots of children and noise, so it is probably going to be alright here.

My sister passed copies of this out at the brunch following my stepdad's funeral on Friday:

I'm Spending Christmas With Jesus This Year

If you're not Christian, or religious in any way, just disregard. I'm sorry you're going through this. I think a brother would be so hard to lose.

Big hugs to you on the losses you have been through. We actually had a funeral on dh's side last weekend and they read that. I bawled my eyes out. It is very touching!

**nodmicks** · 12-05-2010, 08:01 PM

I'm printing that out.

**mrsfoamy** · 12-10-2010, 09:33 AM

I had my first holiday meltdown the first Christmas after losing my father. I went outside while everyone was opening their lavish presents and having a good time and cried. I don't know if it's jealousy or shame, it's mostly because buying everyone presents while trying not to sacrifice not getting my daughter what she wants causes me more anxiety than it should. It got really bad 2 years ago when my mother decided she wasn't speaking to me. (I'm not taking that real personally, I've decided it's a manifestation of early dementia [w/ paranoia]).
So this years meltdown is beginning with I went to the pawn shop to put my daughter presents on layaway. She was actually pleased, she picked out an ipod and some video games. I'm blessed with a highly intelligent daughter who grasps our situation, and appreciates how hard I work. But the materialistic age I was raised in makes it hard for me to accept buying my daughter used stuff for Christmas.
Now my cat has disappeared. I asked my husbands parents to call the neighbors to see if they would check their barn and sheds to see if he got shut in there, he's not one to wander, only to come home from work and find out that they didn't call, I had too. My feelings are hurt. My husband is actually in the Gulf right now trying to catch fish. He swears they are going to show up. Luckily we have a BP claim in, just in case they don't. He spent a ton of money going over there and somehow I don't think the fish are going to show.

**CrazyCat** · 12-10-2010, 10:08 AM

I think one way to honor your brother is to pick out a special ornament..and perhaps write his name of it to hang on your tree this year.

the funeral home that cremated my mother has a tree with bulb's that have everyone's name on it at christmas...actually several trees. I also have one hanging on my tree....even though she's not there in person...I think/hope she's there in spirit.

Yes....you probably will have a meltdown(if your anything like me)...but if you can leave the room....or hold yourself together until you can be alone. My mom died when my oldest was 2 1/2, and that was the worst holiday for me to get through. Holidays are SO hard with the loss of loved ones.

Mauimagic has such a way with words......

mrsfoamy...just be thankful that you can buy used gifts. It's new to her..so that's what counts

I always say it's the thought that counts...Y/K?

**cab54** · 12-10-2010, 10:30 AM

You know, nod, after all the deaths lately, I've been thinking....what I'm starting to realize is that I am going to hug family and friends more, appreciate them more, listen better, love better, be present in every moment I have with them, and really 'seize the day'.

I am actually looking more forward to the holidays this year than ever before, and I've let go of worrying about silly things, as I've done in the past, and plan to just 'take in' all of those who are still here with me at the holidays.

**xtena** · 12-10-2010, 10:52 AM

Are you in some kind of grief counseling? If not see if you can find a support group that meets for free or very low cost somewhere. A friend of mine lost her husband a few months ago. Her two young daughters are taking a Grief Share (?) class for kids at my church, and she is taking the adult class. They aren't members of the church but it is open to all. She says it has really helped them. Maybe you can find something like that?

**nodmicks** · 12-11-2010, 05:17 PM

Originally Posted by xtena

Are you in some kind of grief counseling? If not see if you can find a support group that meets for free or very low cost somewhere. A friend of mine lost her husband a few months ago. Her two young daughters are taking a Grief Share (?) class for kids at my church, and she is taking the adult class. They aren't members of the church but it is open to all. She says it has really helped them. Maybe you can find something like that?

No I haven't. The company my brother worked for actually offered to pay for private council sessions for all of us affected. I may take them up on it. I am really glad it has helped them!

Msfoamy big hugs!

Cab54 you have an awesome way of looking at things! HUGS

Thanks Crazycat!

**mauimagic** · 12-11-2010, 05:28 PM

Great idea on counseling - I even had a big sigh of relief when you said that you were thinking of taking the company up on their offer. No one is born knowing how to grieve - we just do it in what way works for us. Watch animals - they too grieve and are sad - the difference is that their peers aren't offering opinions to them as to what they should be doing.

IMHO - you are doing so well with this tragedy in your lives - know that we are here for you and anyone else who needs support. Sure wish I had had a shoulder or two to lean on when my mother passed away and then my father ten years later. Wish I'd known it was okay to ask someone for help.

Take care and please stay in touch.