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Custody battle :(

4K views 64 replies 34 participants last post by  Frugal Nurse 
#1 ·
My sister moved to WI and left her 11yo behind with a friend (took her 8yo, 4yo, & 2yo). When I found out he was left with a "friend" rather than family, I asked my sister if he could stay with us. She was going to let the 11yo choose. Fine, whatever.

We were supposed to pick him up for Thanksgiving to be with family. The "friend" didn't want him to go. Probably because she knew he would want to stay with us once he got there. I never took him back. It was nasty dirty. Garbage piled outside the house, the windows had garbage bags on them instead of glass. The front door was so filthy I didn't want to touch it to knock!

My sister had started custody papers to give this friend custody of my nephew. Well, after she tried to refuse to let him be with family my sister called the court to "stop" the order from going through. But like everything else my sister does, she half-assed it. She was supposed to fax something to the court in order to stop it and didn't.

The school called me yesterday because the friend had called them to say she was coming to pick up my nephew (in the middle of the day) because she had gotten a signed custody agreement. The school recommended I come pick him up before she got there (speaks volumes doesn't it?). They already had it in writing and verbally from my sister that he was to stay with me. I picked him up and as I'm leaving the friend was pulling into the school.

After many phone calls I went up to family court myself to file a new petition. While I was there it came out that this friend had called the police to get them to make my nephew go home with them. Only it backfired....her freaking husband is a level 3 sex offender and he admitted it to the officer. I had no clue, I just thought he should be with family, in a clean home with his own bed! Come to find out my sister KNEW THIS!!!!

My nephew has already been sexually abused once, when he was two. By one of my sister's many men. Right then the court lady said he is staying with you for the night and you come in first thing in the morning for a hearing.

We were there, the friend was an hour late. To make a long story a little shorter, we were awarded temporary custody (thank GOD) and the friend is contesting our custody petition. She still thinks she should have custody of my nephew. Even though she is married to a sex offender, my sister wants him with me, she is on social services (my sister says she wants him because she gets more $ with him being there), etc. So she gets a "free" lawyer because she qualifies financially and we have to hire one.

I have never gone through this. I know our chances are really good that we will get to keep him, but it's just the stress of having to deal with the maybes :(

Anyone been through a nonparental custody situation before?
 
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#33 ·
My Aunt Virginia took me in when as a teen (14-17) my life was a mess after my father died. It made the world of difference to me and a lot of who I am today I credit to her. I didn't make it easy on her but she never gave up.
Glad you are going to be the difference for your nephew. :heartsm:
 
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#39 ·
Wanted to add that this Aunt & I had never even met before, she lived in California with her husband and had kids of her own, 2 teenagers and 2 younger kids. She took me on just because I was her brothers daughter. I am forever grateful.
 
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#34 ·
Sending positive thoughts your way throughout this process!!
 
#36 ·
Hope it goes well for you today! We are all thinking of you.
 
#37 ·
Well, the lawyer has no doubt that my nephew will NOT be going to this "friend". He knows of her and says she's in BIG trouble for having any kids in her home w/ her husband. Not my problem.

But holy heck the retainer fee is ouchie! $1500...there goes our nest egg :(
 
#38 ·
I am so glad you found a lawyer, that is helpful, knows the friend and is willing to fight for your nephew and your family. Blessings and keep us updated.
 
#42 ·
Darlene - had chicken skin when I was reading about your Aunt - what a true blessing - just as YM is creating for her nephew.

YM - that is a hunk of change for you - also the down payment on the rest of his life. Perhaps we could have a yard sale for his benefit!!!!
 
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#44 ·
I am finding EVERYONE I come into contact w/ knows this woman and her reputation. I just got back from the dr with nephew and the nurse saw the friend's name on the custody papers and was like :eek: "I know her!" and was VERY happy that nephew was with US and not HER.

I just wish she hadn't pulled this crap. I know damn well she wouldn't have if she had to pay out of pocket like we do. :soapbox:
 
#45 ·
I just wish she hadn't pulled this crap. I know damn well she wouldn't have if she had to pay out of pocket like we do. :soapbox:
Is there ANYTHING you can do to get part of it back?..........if she loses and we know she will..........

I am glad you found someone that will get this thing rolling.......hope it happens fast.

What has/is your sister doing while all of this is going on? Does she know what is going on? Maybe I should ask......does she care?

Ok.......don't have a 'need to know'......just curious......
 
#47 ·
Can't your attorney ask the judge to award you legal fees in the event you win (and you will.) Explain this is a hardship. When dh's ex wife took him to court several years ago for custody (which she lost) our attorney asked for legal fees to be paid in the first paperwork filed due to the financial hardship she was causing on our family (she made LOTS and LOTS more than us.) We won and she had to pay $17,000 of our legal fees.

Also, if your attorney slams her with this request, she might back off real quick.
 
#51 ·
Also, if your attorney slams her with this request, she might back off real quick.
Oh yeah.......I agree with this......wouldn't that just shock her butt good!

The lawyer did say that if the fees were less than the retainer we will get the difference back.
Sorry YM......but with an attorney........that never happens.......though, for your sake, I hope it does.

An honest attorney????? :thud:
 
#48 ·
I really don't think the judge has the authority to demand that she pay YM's legal bills. This would be a custody case, not a civil suit. Plus, a lawyer probably isn't even required. Even if it were, getting your legal bills reimbursed is something they might do for a frivolous lawsuit or false criminal claims. Fighting for and not getting custody of a kid doesn't really doesn't rise to the level of misconduct that would justify getting your fees reimbursed, ya know?
 
#49 ·
Here if someone is taking you to court, child custody that can cost thousands(raises hands and still going through it)you can have it drawn up in the papers that if you win the case, you can ask the judge to grant you the legal fee's back you have spent. The one that took you to court obviously has to pay you back. But yes, and if I understand this right...a judge would not give back YM's fee's since she is the one taking the other party to court. The judge had my husbands ex wife pay him back for a bunch of BS that cost him thousands for no reason years ago in a custody battle.
 
#50 ·
Oh wow, I've never heard of that. Hopefully YM's legal fees will be less than she expects and it won't be worth it to bother with anyway.
 
#52 ·
I'd say a 1500 retainer fee is pretty cheap. Ours was 5k but a completely different situation.

But a lot of times these can be long drawn out battles and more than one court date....depending. I would think in her case, it should be simple, as long as another party isn't forking dollars out to put up a fight.

Gah, attorneys...love 'em and hate them!
 
#53 ·
Oh and usually someone on the offense(taking one to court)the lawyer retainer fee is pretty cheap. The person on the defense has to fork out a few more thousand, to prove their innocents. That is why there is a law in place that you can't just take joe blow to court any time you feel like it, because joe blow will need an attorney no matter what....it can cost joe blow way more money to get the other party off his arse and could be falsely accused.

Sorry, YM. I know I'm getting off topic on your thread. :)
 
#55 ·
Well I certainly hope he goes to school and makes sly references to "his lawyer" all the time. Coolness leverage like that shouldn't go to waste.
 
#56 ·
That's what I told him :lol:

We went to court on 12/21. All my sister had to do was answer the phone (she's in Wisconsin, we are in NY) when the judge called her (TWICE) on her cell phone and say "I want my son to stay with my sister". She couldn't even answer the phone. She's the one who told the court she would participate by phone because she was out of state. After court I called her and asked why she didn't answer the phone...her excuse? She was in the bathroom. This is the same woman who couldn't even sit through last year's holiday dinners without texting 15 billion times :rolleyes: She should have had that damn phone glued to her @$$!

SO because she couldn't answer the phone we have to go to a mini trial where each of us (myself and "the friend" who's petitioning for custody of my nephew) get an hour to "plead our case". This is really all a formality. There is no way in H-E-L-L the court is going to let my nephew go back to that woman's house. Her husband is a sex offender, her brother (we've recently learned) is also a sex offender. My lawyer has represented HER children against HER before. It's just a big pain in the you-know-where.

Also, my sister NEVER even called her son on Christmas eve or Christmas day. It's the day after Christmas and she still hasn't called. She called on 12/21 and told him she would be sending money. She told ME she couldn't send anything right now but maybe by his birthday (in MARCH!!) she could send something. That's exactly why I didn't tell him because I know she never follows through.

Even without her involvement my nephew said after Christmas morning "This is the BEST Christmas EVER!!" :)
 
#57 ·
Many hugs to you YM. :hug2:

You are doing the best thing for your nephew right now...........MAKING HIM FEEL LOVED. I am sure this has hurt him so bad..........keep the hugs going his way........he will need all of them!!

Sorry, for you, that this is such a pain in the 'patoot'. But your heart is in the right place..........and so is your nephew!!
 
#58 ·
You're an awesome aunt and one day when he's all grown up he's going to tell people about how you were the only reason he made it out of a bad situation.
 
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#60 ·
Are you sure that you're sisters? OMG and what an idiot!!

Hugs to you all!!
 
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#61 ·
A couple of updates....

~Sister has still not called her son since 12/21/10
~heard through facebook & other family members she has changed her cell phone # twice since new year's day.
~she finally sent me her new phone # thru facebook this morning...only because she wanted to ask me if I had filed paperwork for child support for my nephew (no we haven't and won't be)
~the "friend" that is fighting me for custody..the one with a sex offender for a husband, who's living on social services, lives nasty, and has a record with the court (for what I don't know yet)...has filed paperwork against my sister for child support for my nephew. She doesn't even have custody of him and she's filing for child support?! How can she do that? Anyway, the court date for that according to my sister is 1/18. I meet w/ my lawyer on 1/14 and I'll be letting him know what this "friend" is up to. She's a scammer of the system big time. The only reason she wanted my nephew from the beginning was for the extra food stamps/welfare (and obviously child support).

My sister can't even support the three kids she still has with her. There's no way she's going to be able to afford child support for my nephew. I have no intention of filing for it. It would just be taking away from my other three nephews.


My nephew's school has dug up the records on his addresses over the last year and a half. This "friend" is claiming my nephew has lived with her since August 2009 but the records from the school indicate otherwise :D The school has also offered to write letters or whatever we need for court. I plan on asking the same of nephew's pediatrician when we go see him tomorrow afternoon.

Two more weeks until court....
 
#65 ·
WOW! this is an unbelievable story!

I can see this friend as a scammer for sure and had no intentions of nurturing this young boy into a a productive adult.

I am so happy that someone YM stepped up to the plate. This child will be forever grateful to you. Trust me on this one.

Can we pass the hat around for YM?
 
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