Hard day!

**Rhiamon** · 04-14-2011, 03:00 PM

Today is a hard day. Last night DD started having audio hallucinations again. They come and go and I was told it was due to anxiety. DD hears growling, and voices. So she was afraid to go to sleep last night. I feel so stuck sometimes with trying to help her. I was given all this diagnosis's for her and then pretty much left on my own. My ex is not being very helpful, and my mom keeps telling me it is spirits and ghosts. I have no one to talk to the mental health sucks in this city for adults and double sucks for kids.
She threatened to kill her self the other day again, so I mentioned it to the one worker she sees every once in a blue moon and they said that it is just her being upset and impulsive. I said I know that is what worries me is she is so impulsive. I keep getting passed around. No one seems to want to help me deal with her ADHD, anxiety or LD. I read every new book that comes out. I have alarms on the doors, I have hidden all knives and medication. Then the other problem is that I have to divulge my mental health history and it is an automatic mark against me.
I just wish I had someone to talk to who gets what its like to have to stand infront of the door because your child is so angry they want to run away and walk in front of a car. Or what it is like to have your child flip out scream, hit, bite, throw things one second and be completely calm and loving like nothing has happened. Or to have a child that can talk for hours and hours and hours, to you with out stopping to breath. I love my DD, but I really wish I could find another mom who gets what I am going through. Especially when I have those times I have sat next to her until she falls asleep assuring her that the growling she hears is not coming to get her. Or stood in front of the door until 1am hoping that she just gets tired soon, so I can go to bed. Then I go sit in kitchen making a tea and cry my eyes out. People don't understand and I have been told I am to hard on her, not hard enough, that she didn't really want to hurt you when she tried to stab you. Not dr's but other people I try to talk to about it. Its like this dirty little secret that everyone is afraid to talk about or deal with. And when you do try and talk about it to others you are looked at like the worst mother alive. I want the same thing everyone wants for there child. I want her to be happy, and healthy.

**mauimagic** · 04-14-2011, 03:21 PM

Oh my dear - I too wish that there was someone nearby you for support - the sad thing is that there probably is and she needs you as much as you need her.

I am so glad that you have the sense to come here to vent - it may be a small relief, but your words do not fall on deaf ears. I totally do not understand why others look down on and/or make negative judgments about you when you let them know of your medical background.

Wish I knew more about Canadian law and support for people with disabilities. There is almost nothing that I can do to support you; please know that I care, am concerned about you and continue to send prayers.

**Ceashels** · 04-14-2011, 03:23 PM

I am sure you are not alone in this ... but feel like it. It also probably safe to assume that others with similar situations also feel like they are alone in it too.

Can you ask the Dr's / case workers for resources to put you in touch with support groups? There may be some online groups available and if it does nothing else but provide an outlet for you to express what you are going through... it has helped the situation.

You can probably even start your own support group and invite others with similar situations to join you.

I've worked with some very challenged children (different from your situation) but support and acknowledgment can be crucial to the family members and caretakers.

Hugs to you. You really are doing an amazing job at providing your dd with a safe home, comfort and love.

**MsMarieH** · 04-14-2011, 04:50 PM

I know just how hard this is. My mother suffered from Parkinsons the last several years of her life and the side effect of the mobility meds is hallucinations (oh joy). My prayers and thoughts are with you. I'm sorry I have no real advice to give.

**Debbie-cat** · 04-14-2011, 04:56 PM

I am so sorry to have to deal with this alone. Is there a forum you can join that deals with issues like this? I wish there was something I could do to help. We are here for you though if you just need to unload. Hugs.

**itsahumanzoo** · 04-14-2011, 05:09 PM

I agree with Ceashels. There has definitely got to be some support groups out there for you. Even an online support group is better than nothing. *hugs* I know it's hard but you are doing the best you can, and I think you're doing a pretty darn good job. I hope you can get all the help for your daughter that she needs.

**Imarachne** · 04-14-2011, 05:24 PM

My daughter has episodes of Schizophrenia so I understand your frustration. Only God knows what to do and prayfully we ask His assistance.

**Rhiamon** · 04-15-2011, 10:13 AM

Thank you all! There are no support groups in the city which is sad all the way around. I have thought of starting one before but would not even have a clue how to go about it. I will have to see if I can find one on line. DD is home today with a bad sore throat, last night was another hard night.

**mauimagic** · 04-15-2011, 11:08 AM

Hang in there friend - at least you have us!!

**monkeywrangler71** · 04-15-2011, 11:46 AM

I wish I could help you, but I don't know how. I have been dealing with all of these issues for 18 years; I'm exhausted and still don't have any answers.

Here is what little I have learned:

cry in the shower where she can't see or hear you
get a piece of paper, write down every angry hateful thing you can about her, use the absolute worst language you can think of, do not think about her feelings, and do not feel guilty about the terrible things you are saying. Then burn it. Sounds stupid, but it really works.
put a lock on your own bedroom door so you can feel safe while you sleep
positive reinforcement works, but it needs to be specific and authentic
when her temper flares do not engage and do not give in. Stay quiet, dispassionate, and firm. Getting you as worked up as her is her reward, do not let her have it.
use the diagnosis only as a tool to access funding and services, that's all it's worth - you will get a different one from every doctor so don't put too much stock in it's accuracy

**Rhiamon** · 04-18-2011, 03:04 PM

Today was another bad morning for DD. She dropped her toast and that started it all.

**frugalwarrior2** · 04-18-2011, 04:52 PM

You actually sound like the best mom ever. All that must be extremely wearing esp. w/ your history. I can't suggest a mental health group for the severe issue but
LDonline.com is what we subscribe to for LD,ADHD and ADD. It has helped me cope w/ my kids and DH. They have all kinds of articles and may have a chat but i can't recall.

Sorry LDonline.org. and yes there are forums.

**lparker** · 04-19-2011, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by Rhiamon

Thank you all! There are no support groups in the city which is sad all the way around. I have thought of starting one before but would not even have a clue how to go about it. I will have to see if I can find one on line. DD is home today with a bad sore throat, last night was another hard night.

Maybe you can get some help here Parents in Partnership

Meets at Kimbourne Park United Church, 200 Wolverleigh Blvd.
contact Jennifer Gillion at 416-690-6512 or e-mail at parentsto@hotmail.com
Type of Group: Parents of children with ADHD

They might at least be able to point you in the right direction for something local.

Lee

**Rhiamon** · 04-19-2011, 04:55 PM

I saw my mental health worker today and he gave me the name of a child psychologist so I am going to be getting a referral from our doctor as the child psychiatrist at the hospital has done nothing!He agrees that I didn't get a fair shake because one of the residents knew me from one of my stays in the hospital.
My worker asked me if there was a history of schizophrenia in my family. I said no I said though I do know that other family members are bi-polar. He asked because of the audio hallucinations DD admitted as well that sometimes she sees scary things. So whether it turns out to be ADHD with something else, or ADHD is the wrong diagnosis I am not going to give up on her. Her tutor also said she would help support me with the school stuff as much as I need it. She said she will also come to the next IEP meeting so that I can be sure the DD gets the proper support she needs from the school, as she has worked with her one on one and knows her learning style. Her tutor is going through to become a teacher and is also specializing in LD.

**frugalwarrior2** · 04-19-2011, 10:53 PM

Keep at them slow and steady at the school. Each year you will prob. start from stratch. If it gets too tough get an advocate. Remind them firmly but politely that it's the law not their option.
They would present me w/ what they were going to do and i would say well we could do that but we need to follow the letter of the law.
Watch your tone,don't let them make you raise your voice. Use words like collaborate,unfortunate, legality.
Good luck the school can be "trying".