Abuse Can Happen to Anyone

**Daisygirl** · 07-08-2011, 07:36 PM

My heart is broken for my dear friend.

R got married in February to a man we all thought was wonderful - a little needy but if he made her happy we were okay with it. R has a 5 year old son from a previous relationship who adored his new stepfather and the feeling seemed mutual. A month after the wedding they were overjoyed to get pregnant.

Suddenly the husband took a turn for the worse. He began controlling R in small ways that seemed inconsequential. He refused to help around the house in any way and things started to pile up. He began going to his family (very controlling and traditional family) and telling them how R was mistreating and abusing him. Two weeks ago he began putting his hands on her, restraining her when she tried to leave the house and shoving her up against the wall. He continued to tell his family how she was mistreating him and trying to keep him away from them, that she had taken the phones away from him and that she was hitting him.

They decided to go to counseling and he went to see a therapist on his own. During his appointment with the therapist he continued with his lies (I know for an absolute fact that these things he was saying are untrue.) He told the therapist he was worried R's abuse would spill over to her 5 year old and the unborn child.

That night he went home and took his things, saying they needed to separate. R was devastated. Imagine her surprise when she was awakened by a phone call from Children's Services to investigate the "abuse" of her child.

Within 5 minutes into the conversation the social worker had ascertained that R was the victim of abuse - not her child or her husband. They stepped in and had an advocate from the Woman's Shelter to her house within the hour, and have urged her to press charges. There is a "Keep the Peace" order in place, which means if the husband is to be at their home he has to phone the police to escort him. They allowed him to pick up some clothing and personal items but no furniture or electronics.

This has all happened within the course of two months. I'm sharing this to remind women that abuse can happen to anyone. R is strong, independant and well educated and she wasn't even aware that this had happened until it was too late.

Now all hell has broken loose and friends, family, police and lawyers are involved. If you are a person who prays or sends positive thoughts, please remember R and her children.

**Syn D** · 07-08-2011, 08:25 PM

So sorry for your friend.. Doesn't matter how strong a person is, if they have just a bit of low self-esteem in them, it can happen.. I have talked to friends that were with a guy like this one was in the beginning and they thankfully saw it before they married..

My x tried it, but it didn't last after the first time, I knew I was mentally and physically stronger than him and put a stop to it..

**zakity** · 07-08-2011, 08:32 PM

I hope that things work out for her. That is a very scary situation.

**McD** · 07-08-2011, 08:44 PM

And as a reminder to everyone out there: it is not only women who are abused. They can also be abusers and men can be abused.

**mh3rdwheel** · 07-08-2011, 09:01 PM

Sending out prayers and hugs and good vibes.

**MaryCarney** · 07-08-2011, 09:17 PM

So true that it can happen to anyone - any socioeconomic level, any town, any profession. Glad she woke up before it got violent.

**frugalfoster** · 07-09-2011, 01:01 AM

Why can't people just be who they are? Why do they have to put on an act... I just don't get it.. Your friend is going to have big trust issues now and it's not her fault...that sucks...

**pollypurebred39** · 07-09-2011, 02:34 AM

Gosh Daisy, this is just awful. It makes my heart hurt. I'll be keeping your friend in my prayers, and that little one who thought he found a wonderful daddy, and of course the unborn baby.

**Debbie-cat** · 07-09-2011, 09:18 AM

I am so sorry to hear this Daisy. Prayers going up. Hugs

**Daisygirl** · 07-09-2011, 10:48 AM

Originally Posted by McD

And as a reminder to everyone out there: it is not only women who are abused. They can also be abusers and men can be abused.

Very true - there are no rules about who can be a victim or a victimizer.

My heart hurts for R and her little boy today. She wants so much to know WHY this has happened and there just is no why. I truly feel her husband could be suffering from some type of mental illness to just make a 180 like this.

Before the wedding, I've now discovered, there were a couple of questionable incidents that left her bruised up. Mostly grabbing and restricting her from leaving. Some shoving and an incident of shaking that left bruised handprints on her arms that she had to cover with makeup the day of her wedding. I can also remember a few times when I was uncomfortable with the way he was "joking" about R - sounded like veiled insults but when she wasn't bothered I just filed it away.

As a survivor of a very abusive marriage myself I can't believe I didn't recognize him for what he was until it was too late. I tamped down my vague thoughts because she seemed so happy. How could I have missed this when I lived with it myself for 8 long years? The signs are ALWAYS there.

My poor sweetheart is just like a zombie. She is pale, has to force herself to eat and can't stop crying and shaking. I'm so worried about her and the baby. Her little son told the social worker last night that when "Mommy and Daddy were fighting I sneaked up to the door to listen in case Mommy needed me, cause Daddy got really really mad at Mommy and it was scary." She's devastated that she's exposed him to this. I want to help but there is nothing we can do except be there. Between her family and me there is someone with her 24/7 right now.

**mamachop** · 07-09-2011, 10:52 AM

You're a wonderful friend Daisy! I'll keep your friend and family in my thoughts and prayers!

God bless you for being there for her!

**Imarachne** · 07-09-2011, 11:02 AM

There are many forms of abuse and some are not as noticeable as your friend's case .

**MaryCarney** · 07-09-2011, 11:44 AM

She's fortunate to have someone in her life who has been there. What a good friend you are.

**oheoh's momma** · 07-09-2011, 12:26 PM

God Bless u and your friend just be there for her and u are right abuse can happen to anyone maybe somebody reading this will go get help, Cuz of u and your friend.Hugs Pen

**chevy_chick95** · 07-09-2011, 02:23 PM

Oh my.. there is nothing worse than domestic violence. It is hard enough to have to live through it, then you have to deal with the after effects the rest of your life.. I'll pray for your dear friend..