Feel I have no viable vent release available to me

[imagine]

There doesn't seem to be a viable person to vent my stress and feelings too right now.

Money is very tight right now ( with the high electric of summer and higher grocery bills of growing children ) Some months in the red.

Venting to Hubby is not an option as he is in the same situation feeling the same stress and he is the bread winner of the family so he takes it personal.

You try hard not to vent your stress on the children. They know the situation but you don't want them to worry about it or feel that it is their problem.

Church not viable either I feel. I look around the table at Sunday School table and they have bigger worries so I feel bad mentioning mine. My hubby isn't gravely ill. I didn't just have to start walking with a cane. My house and business was not recently destroyed by the weather. My husband didn't just sink our life saving trying to save the family business but still have it go under. I didn't just have to send my daughter way for help.
Having to worry about money and spending and eating away at the savings for living doesn't seem that bad. Then I feel guilty and need to vent about worrying about my stuff when it isn't as bad.

My mom not a good option. She doesn't or won't or can't understand the situation we are in. And I don't want to worry her either. It is nice if she helps out and we are grateful but it isn't nor should she feel it is her responsibility.

I'm even ashamed to admit it here.

I am also lonely and I texted hubby once an innocent remark about it. and Hubby a fixed type person said "Find something to do. Clean out a closet. or something". I texted back I could still feel looney with a gazillion things to do.

People say they will come over but they don't. Been waiting 5 years for a friend to come over for tea.

Hubby's mom was going to come of a visit as she retired and had time and visiting us was priority number one she said. The summer came and went and no visit. She was even a few hours away a few time this summer and didn't stop by or call. His brother and sister all got visits this summer like they do every year. Hubby just patiently waits as always. But I wonder does she not like it here? Does she not like us? Hubby's step grandfather died and no one told him where or when the funeral was and it was in state so we could have gone and made it back before the children even got out of school.

MIL says she visits the others more since they come and visit her. We can't come and visit as we can't afford it and Hubby's schedule is not as available or flexible as his siblings. I do not understand his mom's idea. My parents were the type to say "You can't come see us, then we will come see you?" I haven't been to my mom's house in over a year ( longer for the children)and her house is an hour away.

So it isn't like we have favored one set of grandparents over another.

I meandered there a bit

So It feels I have no people available for venting my stress and feelings.

[HappyMama]

Imagine, I am so sorry things are overwhelming right now. I am sending you hugs, blessings and prayers my friend. You can pm me anytime to vent, laugh, cry , seek help or answers. I might not have an answer but I will always be willing to lend an ear . I know it is not the same as someone coming over for tea, or family visiting I know that must be hard.

You are such a good Mom, wife and friend that I hope the love and blessings you give everyday return to you in your time of loneliness. We all have different times in our lives where love or loneliness seems overwhelming in those times keep your chin up and remember it is always darkest before the dawn or a blessing . Hugs to you.

[Telephus44]

I feel the same way sometimes. I don't have many close friends in real life, not close enough that I can really open up to and pour it out when I get angry or sad.

I've been trying to be more proactive in making friends, like actually calling or emailing people and asking if they want to do something. It's been my New Year's Resolution for the year and while I have made a lot of progress, sometime I feel frustrated that I still don't have any friends that are "close enough" to vent to.

[Momto5RN]

aww i am sorry . feel free to vent here or PM me if you need to let it all out less public sometimes just knowing someone is listening has heard you helps .

[craftypam]

First; everyone's situation is different and you have a right to feel the way you feel even though other's problems might be worse. This is what you are dealing with now. I would love to be able to help you out if I could (budgeting is my passion) or just listen.
I'm just going to throw something out at you. Do you make specific plans and invite people you would like to come over? I'm asking because we had an issue in our family about not visiting someone and I don't feel right about just dropping in on someone. My 3 ds are married and 2 live real close and the other one probably lives 45 minutes away and I don't just drop in. Maybe the people that you want to visit you feel that way. Just a thought.
My ds have moved out and have homes of their own. I keep myself so busy; I don't notice the no company most of the time. Could you find a hobby to do? I also go to the library and take out all kinds of books on all kinds of subjects. Is there something you would like to know about. Go to the library and take a book out about it.

Pam

sorry this got sooo wordy. just feeling bad for you and trying to help

[krbshappy71]

Call me crazy, but do you have anyone you can text besides hubby? My SIL and I have an agreement, we are allowed to vent about money and the other person KNOWS that it is NOT to ask for help. She can rant all she wants, I wont offer her money and she knows when I rant I am not asking her for money. We simply need to rant and about life and how it sucks without money and SO MANY TIMES with other people I am afraid they are going to think I am asking for help. I am not asking for help I just want to vent!! it sucks and its hard and sometimes I want to take that stupid credit card and go crazy with it just for a day, just for an hour, just to feel better.

My bf sends me money sometimes if I complain to him so I started rejecting the money. I told him that isn't going to fix it, I just need you to listen. He has slowly reduced how often he does that and this last time I rejected it again. That isn't what I want from him I just want him to listen.

So your hubby seems drained of listening or maybe feels helpless that he can't fix it. You need someone to listen, and they need you to listen to them. My SIL has a brother dying of cancer, that doesn't mean she doesn't want to be there for me, she can't fix my money problems and I can't fix her brother but that doesn't mean we can't be there for each other unconditionally.

WE ARE HERE FOR YOU, I know typing isn't quite the same, but we are truly here for you.

[Daisygirl]

I'm sorry - it's hard to feel alone. When you have problems and no one to talk about them with, the load seems that much heavier. I don't have any suggestions: just a big hug. I hope that writing this and sharing with us has helped in some small way.

[moasmom]

I feel this way a lot; I completely understand. Money is such a particularly touchy subject.

I have 5 close friends who I can talk to and vent about everything...except my money troubles. I just feel too uncomfortable and I don't want to make them uncomfortable because they have more money. And I don't want charity and I'm not asking for it...Anyway, I understand. I keep it to myself, mostly and it gets overwhelming.

Kara

[MissSeetonFan]

I understand how that goes. But sometimes you just have to push yourself out and do it anyway. You may create friends that way.

We just moved to a new area. New church congregation. Only been there 3 times. Then we got some bad news. I had a hard time telling anybody. But I emailed the head of the women's organization anyway because that is part of her duties/mission/calling. She called me back the next day and arranged for someone to bring in a meal that night just to help relieve some stress (not financial - it has to do with my pregnancy - another story). Someone I hadn't met and I don't know their story of their issues or whatever showed up with a meal. Now I know another name. I may not vent to this new person but I know who she is and she knows me now. So it will start a relationship that may be a friendship.

Those people at your church. You don't want to burden them with your vent. But are you listening to them? If you are, then you are easing some of their burden. Maybe open up a little with them. Your problem may not be "as bad as theirs" but it might help them too. Maybe someone there has heard of a job or of a good deal on something you are needing. Maybe one of them would be able to fix something around your house that has been needing to be done but you can't afford it or know someone who would do it for a discount. Maybe one of them will share garden space or garden produce to help ease the food burden.

And just by you showing an interest in their lives, ups and downs included, you may find that you can contribute something to ease their problems.

As for not wanting to add to their burdens, since my issues have to do with a pregnancy, I had a hard time telling a friend who has fertility issues and has not been able to have children. She sometimes has a hard time with others' pregnancies. If I told her about our issues, it would add to her burden. She would love to have issues with a pregnancy, any issues because then she would be pregnant. But she is a friend, I didn't leave her out.

[imagine]

Those people at your church. You don't want to burden them with your vent. But are you listening to them?

I'm listening but I don't think they are.

They ignored my tears because they thought I was just sympathetically trying with the lady/girl stilling across from me.

When I do talk I get cut off because someone wanted to ask someone else something.

When I have mentioned little child raising things in the past the older ladies say "just wait it will get harder much harder"

[imagine]

So the morning was a rough morning.

Buddy called in a panic as he forgot this school books for the day. including the one he needs to go get extra help in after school.

We can only find one subject so we guess the other is in is backpack at school. Hubby rushes back to delivery it to the school. By the time he gets home Buddy has already called again in a panic because he wants to know if we brought the books yet. Apperately according to Hubby I passed on the panic to him(Hubby) by calling him and halving him go back since he was the only one available he understood but didn't like how I handled it.


hubby is cranky and late for work, slams the door on the way out (not sure if it was an accident in a hurry or not).

Get Little Miss to school for Picture day. All is fine. I get home and find her lunch box at home so I take it to the school.

Hubby comes home for lunch he is still cranky being late made his his whole day off and he seems angry.

While he was home for lunch Little Miss calls home from school sobbing so hard we couldn't hear her and ask the secretary to figure out what is wrong as all we can understand is come get me. I need to come home. She gives a long winded story to the secretary about brother forgetting his books, getting hit by and eraser, and clipping down on the discipline chart at school. They send her to the nurses room to rest and calm down and will call me if needed.

So Hubby says "See how you respond and react to everything affects everyone" Tells me I need to learn to react better. Then I almost cry and he says "like now crying would be inappropriate response"

oh I so need a vent valve.

[pollypurebred39]

Oh Boy, it's so hard when you attempt to open up and others poo-poo your very real worries and frustrations, by interrupting, or telling you you haven't seen nothing yet. *sigh* Here you are totally empathizing with what others are going through, and when you open your mouth to very valid stress and worries you get the kabash. Add to it that you've found yourself isolated, and ignored by family and friends and, yeah, super lonely. And your best friend, your husband, is already feeling the pressure of providing and falling short of his expectations, perceived or real, it does not matter, and his response to you leaves you feeling unheard. *sigh* You want to be a good friend to him and not add to his burden of money worries and stress. You want to be a good Mom, and shield your children from money worries and stress. *sigh* Imagine, I think all of us here would love to sit with you and have tea and some fellowship right now.

[krbshappy71]

I'm listening but I don't think they are.

The ignored my tears because they thought I was just sympathetically trying with the lady/girl stilling across from me.

When I do talk I get cut off because someone wanted to ask someone else something.

When I have mentioned little child raising things in the past the older ladies say "just wait it will get harder much harder"

GRRR WHAT THE HECK. It will get harder? Hey there's a positive group to hang out with! Sorry but that would seriously make my blood boil. I understand now why you are in a dire need for someone to listen.
WE ARE LISTENING. WE CARE. Man I wish I could think of another avenue you could seek out people. Not debtors anonymous but a local group like Financial Peace University group of people to hang out with so money issues would be "safe" feeling to discuss, you would certainly be valuable with your own frugal suggestions to them and they could in turn listen to you, be there for you.

[krbshappy71]

So Hubby says "See how you respond and react to everything affects everyone" Tells me I need to learn to react better. Then I almost cry and he says "like now crying would be inappropriate response"

Um. I will have to step away from the keyboard now...'cause I really have issues when someone tries to tell ME how to handle my emotions. THEY don't know how I feel, how deeply I am hurting inside....ok ok sending you virtual hugs for now and shutting up.

I WISH I WAS THERE. I would hug you.

[imagine]

Um. I will have to step away from the keyboard now...'cause I really have issues when someone tries to tell ME how to handle my emotions. THEY don't know how I feel, how deeply I am hurting inside....ok ok sending you virtual hugs for now and shutting up.

I WISH I WAS THERE. I would hug you.

Hubby just texted "I am sorry for what I said. It was wrong of me to lay this all on your shoulders"