They want to admit DD to the hospital

**Rhiamon** · 09-27-2011, 08:23 PM

So last week DD 8 had a psychiatry appointment and they started her on risperdal she had an allergic reaction to it and we spent 3 hours in the ER last Thursday. So we had another appointment today and they want to put her on the child and adolescent ward because they are to afraid to try her on anything new with out being in the hospital.
This was only the third time we have seen this doctor, and now we are getting a new one because he is leaving. I feel very guilty like that my mental health is the reason she has mental health problems. I don't know what to think about all this.
Part of me looks at this as yes it is a good thing because they will have a chance to do more in depth testing, on what else is going on besides her ADHD and anxiety. I know something has to be done about her violent outbursts and maybe this will help. But because of my personal dealings with the mental health system I don't have much faith in it.
Plus I am still trying to get back to normal after my 5 week stay in the mental health ward. I know that this is not about me but I feel like such a failure as her mother. I feel responsible, as much as I love her and I do there is a part of me that feels like if I had known about my families mental health issues I would never have had children. Please don't take that the wrong way. I love DD very much, and would never change having had her. I am still trying to process all this so I think I may be rambling. I feel so overwhelmed with everything I feel like I am going to burst. Please any advice from someone who has been in a similar situation with your child.

**jvera** · 09-27-2011, 08:36 PM

I understand how you feel. I am bipolar and have many other medical problems and several of my kids inherited my medical problems too. I feel guilty and I hate to see them suffer.

**HappyMama** · 09-27-2011, 08:51 PM

Hugs and Prayers to you both, I am so sorry you are going through such a rough time.

**zakity** · 09-27-2011, 09:46 PM

I know what you mean. One of my guys is ADHD (got it from me). That one also counts things (go it from dad). The other two have some OCD issues (from me). I know our issues are milder than yours, but we still feel guilty because we passed them on.

**brennasmom** · 09-27-2011, 10:23 PM

I just want to give you a big ***hug***

**MissSeetonFan** · 09-27-2011, 11:22 PM

I think the fact that you are a parent tends to lead to feelings of guilt. "If only I had done ...." or "Should I have chosen ...." or "If only I had known....".

It doesn't have to be mental problems (which do run in my husband's mother's side of the family - so I have to be on the look out in my children). It can be anything. I've already posted on another thread about the baby that we aren't going to have for very long. I'm pregnant and there is a deformity in the baby's kidneys that will not allow it to survive birth for longer than a few hours at most.

I have been beating myself up a bit. Maybe it was the bad allergies and asthma from being next to the river at the beginning of the pregnancy. Maybe it was because I didn't take my vitamins like I was supposed to. My dad has been feeling a bit guilty too. Maybe it was because he was a Vietnam vet exposed to Agent Orange - which is supposed to cause genetic deformities in future generations - no one knows how bad. Or my mom for being a Downwinder - those down wind from the nuclear testing in the 50's. The genetic counselor emphasized that the problem with the kidneys is something so random, no cause has ever been determined. It COULD be genetic or it COULD be a physical issue that happened early in development.

So I understand the feelings of guilt that come with problems in your child. Even when there is no reason to blame yourself. You said yourself, you didn't know of the tendencies towards the mental illness. Not that that will help you stop feeling the guilt.

I do think that time spent in the hospital CAN be a good thing. My SIL who has schizophrenia has had to go there to have her meds regulated at times. I don't know your doctors or your hospital system. Maybe think about your hospital stay and find out how it may be different for her, if at all. Then think about ways you can still be there for her through all the change and upset to help her feel more normal. See who else can be enlisted. What programs or helps are provided by the hospital especially for children?

Weigh that against doing the med regulation from home. How closely will you have to monitor her? Will you have help from others? Find out which drugs they want to try and find out the side effects, how long they have to try them before things settle out, etc. Do you want to do it yourself?

Wish I had better advice to offer. I hope you can get things figured out. Good luck.

**many houseapes** · 09-28-2011, 01:06 PM

I have a 25 yrold ds that was diagnosed w/schizophrenia last year. We don't know where it came from b/c neither myself or dh have mental health issues. For awhile, I had beat myself up over it...wondering what I did wrong, that somehow, my son's issues were somehow my fault.
They had recently change his meds about three weeks ago & I wished that they had admitted him to obsrve him for any side effects. After being on the meds (Haldol) not even 48 hours, he had such a horrible reaction to it that we thought that he was having a stroke or seizure (I posted about having to take him to the ER) -scared us to death. They finally took him off of it & put him on the same meds that you mentioned that caused your daughter's reaction...but he's doing great now(no reactions) & I think he's well on his way to a normal life.
What your daughter needs now more than ever is you and your understanding of her issues -no one will ever know her or what she is going through, better than you & you have to stay strong for her. Things will get better and w/help & support, she'll get it under control. *hugs*

**bonnotsm9** · 09-28-2011, 03:23 PM

We wanted to do this will dd when she was having a particularly bad spell, but her dr. was against it. The nurse in the clinic where dd is seen has had to hospitalize her dd twice to adjust her meds. She said it was hard to do, but each time it was for the best. Her dd came out improved and the adjustment to the new meds/doses went much more smoothly.

Hang in there. As parents, we all tend to blame ourselves for our children's struggles. I know I do that with my kids.

**shoiji** · 09-28-2011, 09:54 PM

Sending hugs your way. Will be thinking about you and your daughter. Let us know how it is going.

**Debbie-cat** · 09-28-2011, 10:26 PM

Sending hugs. I am so sorry you both have to go through this. Try not to beat yourself up over it and just be there for her. Don't look back, only forward to a brighter future.

**Daisygirl** · 09-28-2011, 10:35 PM

Sometimes I think that God gives us these special children for a reason.

As most folks here know, I'm nuttier than a bag full of pecans. I've been on and off of every med I can think of, sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst. Thankfully, at this time, my children seem to have sterling mental health. However, I have a friend who does not. I have a friend with a child who does not. This has made me realize something, as I talked to these two friends, giving them an experienced perspective on what their families were experiencing.

Those of us with issues have so much to give to someone learning to make their way through life with this disability. I imagine how different my life would be if I had parents who recognized my problems for what they were, understood I required medication to live a normal life, and supported me through getting help.

Your DD is so fortunate to have you for a mother!!! I would have given ANYTHING to be in that position as a kid. You KNOW what she is going through and what it feels like. My goodness, you are beating up on yourself and you don't realize this:

YOU ARE EXACTLY THE MOTHER YOUR DD NEEDS.

You are a blessing to her. Rethink your illness - as horrible as it is, it has been your training to raise this very special little girl.

Big hugs to you.

**heartofmine** · 09-29-2011, 11:35 AM

Praying for you and your daughter.

**BlissMommy** · 09-29-2011, 11:37 AM

I would also try contacting NAMI, national association on mental illness for a support group. Hugs to you, Sweetie. It sounds to me like you are doing what a good Mom needs to do!