My son passed away on 12/11/11 - need help getting thru this

**CarolBee** · 12-29-2011, 11:23 AM

Our 29 YO son (and our only child) had a massive heart attack on 12/11 and died right in front of me. My DH tried to save him, but it was too late. We buried him on the 16th, which also happened to be DH's birthday. Needless to say, it's been a horrible, horrible December. If anyone has been through the loss of a child and has any wisdom or advice to share with me I would be grateful. Right now I am numb, going thru the motions, just trying to live one minute at a time. It's hard, because he lived at home and we could always hear him in the background playing his video games or watching TV. Everything makes me cry, and I'm not emotional by nature. I feel like I just want to sleep.

Carol

**ilovechocolate** · 12-29-2011, 11:28 AM

I don't know what to say about such a horrible loss except that I will pray for you and your husband.

**dschipman** · 12-29-2011, 11:28 AM

Carol, I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

**Susanscraps** · 12-29-2011, 11:53 AM

Prayers and gentle hugs for you. I am so so sorry.

**greekislandgirl** · 12-29-2011, 11:59 AM

Carol, I'm so terribly sorry to read this. What a tremendously sad time for you and your husband.

I don't have children and I don't have any advice. I watched my parents go through this after my sister was killed. They leaned on each other a lot and I believe that their marriage is actually stronger now than before. I remember at the time wondering if they would make it, but they turned to each other for comfort instead of letting the grief push them apart. I hope for this for you as well. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

**Spirit Deer** · 12-29-2011, 12:05 PM

I'm so sorry.

I watched my mom go through this when my brother died at 35. I think what you're feeling now is pretty normal. I'm not making light of it, it's horrible, but grief goes in stages and how you're feeling sounds like what everyone feels when the loss is so new.

I think you're on the right track, taking life minute by minute for now. The fog will lift with time and you'll be able to smile again, as impossible as that seems right now.

It takes time to adjust to the loss and your new reality. Be kind to yourself and to your husband. If you are people of faith, reach out to your church and your pastor/priest/leader.

Look for something positive in every day, no matter how small a thing you find. Self-talk is very important. Try not to dwell on negatives. You WILL get through this. Things will never be the same, but that doesn't mean the rest of your life will be bad.

**MissSeetonFan** · 12-29-2011, 12:13 PM

Child loss hurts no matter when it happens. Recognizing that and recognizing how hurt and numb you are is actually a good step towards healing.

A church leader or a counselor can help you through some of the grief. Being able to express yourself, through writing, talking it out, and crying, will help tremendously. It can be a slow process.

Don't be afraid to cry. And talk with your husband.

**mauimagic** · 12-29-2011, 12:36 PM

So sad Carol. The depth of your despair reflects the heights of your love for your son. I agree with Spirit Deer's words of wisdom. While there are stages of grief, no one can tell you something is right or wrong for you. Please know that there are many people here and in your world who will support you. Please stay in touch. Please vent if you need to. Sadness is heartbreaking - and yet our hearts do mend. Blessings my friend.

**nuisance26** · 12-29-2011, 12:39 PM

~What a horrible tragedy. I am very sorry for your loss.

I pray you and your husband will come together for support during this terrible time and that God will give you His peace. (hug) ~

**gapeach** · 12-29-2011, 12:56 PM

I am so heartbroken for you. Grieving is a process. I'll be saying prayers for you. Hugs to you.

**Darlene** · 12-29-2011, 01:18 PM

I'm so very sorry.

**daylily** · 12-29-2011, 01:23 PM

Carol, I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say. I will be praying for you.

**fernykins** · 12-29-2011, 01:26 PM

Carol I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 24 yo son last year. I was told by the chaplain that there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. Its been 21 and a half months since he died. There isn't a day that goes by that I do not cry. I try and keep myself busy. I sometimes drive down the street screaming. Its ok to be angry. A mother carries her child under her heart. People have told me it will get better with time. I'm not going to tell you that because with me I live that day over and over. Take care my friend and don't expect to get over his loss soon
Fern