I am overwhelmed with to much stuff.

**klean163** · 01-09-2012, 08:11 PM

i am overwhelmed my parents have passed on and i have to much stuff . me and my DBF only have a two bedroom when i got stuff it became to the point of hoarding in the second bedroom it was suppose to be my craft room instead its got everything you can imagine in there.seems like i can;t let go of anything it all has some kind of memory of my mom and dad .We just got the house sold and theres my grandmas vintage dresser i have to move it was left to me.What really gets me is that i'm overwhelmed with so much that i don't want to get rid of anything or go in the room ,I have very nice stuff in that room i'm a recovering addict of 6yrs seems like my new addiction is everything it's just like i have plans for the room and i want to get going on it also no energy to do it at this time can someone tell how to get energy get off my butt and get it done ? i am out for ideas to get motavited!my boyfriend does not even want to go in there, once it's done i'll be much happier.please can you guys help me with ideas. Thanks alot !!

**oheoh's momma** · 01-09-2012, 08:56 PM

your grief is new maybe u need to step back for a little while. really think about what means the most to u and keep that. Right now it could just be 2 raw... hugs and sorry about your loss.

**Libby** · 01-09-2012, 09:21 PM

klean -

this will sound harsh but up until your parents passed on, you didn't want their stuff or else you'd already have it. You don't *need* their stuff now either.

As part of the grieving process, its natural to want to hang onto everything b/c it was theirs. There are memories involving those possessions. However physical memories take up too much valuable space ie you losing your craft room/second bedroom. You want to try to sort through it, organize it and purge/donate it before the 'stuff' becomes an issue potentially driving a wedge between you and your BF and causing you more upset.

If need be keep only a small box or two of their things - the things that mean the most to you. The rest, donate. Set a goal to work in that room daily. It will be hard at first and its OK to stop but keep trying. You will slowly work your way up to your goal. Maybe ask BF or close friends/family if he's (they are) willing to sit with you (for a bit) as you go through things. You can share stories and memories of the items as you sort.

But first things first, its natural to be sad. Don't be afraid to take a break to cry and then try to work a lil bit more - as much as you can handle.

**peanut** · 01-09-2012, 09:58 PM

Klean163. I went through this when my mom died four years ago. She left me with an apartment full of stuff...and I mean FULL. I gave away vanloads and carloads of stuff, and whatever my uncle wanted he got. And if you gave it to Mom, you got it back if you wanted it. Then after that I got serious.

DH and I loaded the remains up in a 14' UHaul and trucked it to our home 10 hours away. I put it in my basement. I didn't go down there for about a month or so. I just had to deal with the grief first. At least part of it.

I would say deal with the grief, and it will be easier to let the stuff go. It was for me.

I decided to take one box at a time. I kept family heirlooms. I kept things I loved or could use. If something was new and could be gifted to someone I knew, I kept it too. Otherwise I got rid of it all by donating to charity or selling it.

Some things are easier to go through. Maybe pick something that you aren't fond of that might be an easy target. For me it was my mom's many books. I don't have her taste in reading. I quickly ditched everything but the psychology and religious books. And I ditched a lot of the religious books too. She was Catholic. I'm Protestant.

I also went through her music collection early on and got rid of quite a bit.

Just picking at things a bit at a time really helped me. Keep at it and when you get discouraged and overwhelmed, just step away for a bit of a break. If you need help, ask BF to encourage you and give him some key questions to ask you when you get stuck. I told DH to constantly ask me "do you need it?" "do you love it?" "does it have any historical value for the family?" Most of the latter can actually be passed on to other family members eventually.

Hang in there!

**MaryCarney** · 01-09-2012, 10:03 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Grieving is unique for every individual, but I have a couple of thoughts that may help.
First, watch a couple of episodes of Hoarders on A&E. Seriously - you will perhaps recognize some commonalities, and listen carefully to the advice the couselors give.
Second, could you get rid of stuff if you kept some photographs of it? I know with projects and such that my children have done through our years of homeschooling - it was hard to keep everything. So we would take a picture of the child and the project - and so the memory was preserved, but not the object.
Third, I am a Christian and this comes from my faith tradition. I firmly believe that all that we 'possess' actually belongs to God, and He allows us to use it as we have need. When we cease to have a need for something, it is poor stewardship on our part to hold onto something which another may have use of. It helps me to 'let go' much more easily.
I hope this is helpful. << hugs >>

**mauimagic** · 01-09-2012, 11:02 PM

Rough situation - I know - have been in the same boat - definitely don't want to do the same for our DD.

One thing that I strongly suggest is to take pictures - one way to keep a visual of the memory without the clutter.

Please don't try to do it all at once - cannot be done. A little at a time - follow the Nike motto - just do it.

Separate things into smaller tasks - including your posts - it will help your processing. Breathe deeply my friend - you'll get it done. We'll support you.

**Contrary Housewife** · 01-10-2012, 10:57 AM

I was in a similar situation after the in laws passed on. We had a house and garage full -- his stuff, my stuff, our stuff, and mom and pop's stuff. 3 sofas, 4 coffee pots, more armchairs and bric-a-brac than I could count.

I agree with Maui, it can't be done all at once. Work on it one piece at a time. Identify items you know you don't need, or that don't have value other than that they belonged to your parents.

Is it feasible to rent a storage locker for 6 mo. and move stuff out of your craft room? I believe that being able to get to your crafts will help lower your stress level and deal with this problem better.

**Uniwolf** · 01-10-2012, 01:53 PM

I agree with suggestions already here,
1- give yourself a little bit of time
2- set small steps for yourself (write them down for yourself if it will help)
3-pictures of the item, or if there is already a pic of your parents and that item. Make up a scrapbook or two
4. Don't let this define you
Hugs and prayers

**mombottoo** · 01-10-2012, 02:28 PM

Give yourself time...when my mom died I asked my dad for her bath robe...held onto that robe for 5 years after she died. Until finally one day I looked at it and said okay it's time to let go and I did. Nobody, even if they have been through it knows exactly what you are feeling, since we are all different.

**bookwormpeg** · 01-10-2012, 05:42 PM

Take one day at a time. Grieve, cry when you need to. Keep a few things that will make you happy and maybe donate the rest. It may take you months to get the room clean, but you CAN do it...One day at a time...sometimes it's one moment at a time...hugs..

**Missourimom** · 01-10-2012, 08:45 PM

My mother passed away in 2004 and it was just last year I was finally able to start parting with things I didn't really want, but I just couldn't get rid of. It must be more difficult for you because I didn't have furniture to deal with....just odds and ends. I couldn't even imagine having to deal with that because I'm a natural minimalist and I get overwhelmed with "stuff" fast. My best advice is to just give it time and you'll start sorting things out when you're emotionally ready.