My brother is getting a divorce

**peanut** · 01-10-2012, 11:24 PM

After 19 years of marriage...or more. Their son turned 18 this year. Dbro is devastated, but resigned that it was a long time coming and due to happen anyway. They did counseling, but too little too late according to him. She just never made a commitment to be with him over her parents...ever. They always came first. And then her son came next. Dbro was always last in her life.

At any rate, I am going to visit next week. I have no idea how to handle this situation. It is, considering, an amicable divorce. She is in a different province, with her parents. He is in their big house with just his son, who goes to school every day. He's supposed to graduate this year. Poor kid. Neither of them cook. I'm on this funky diet right now. Could be interesting!

Any tips on how to handle this situation when I get there? I arrive by plane late at night in a large metro area. He has no vehicle to pick me up. I've never taken a taxi before by myself...I kid you not! I am so sheltered. I think I will get this cell phone a friend left us charged and ready to go just in case I need it at the airport to let him know where I am at any given point in time. Just in case I get lost...

**Spirit Deer** · 01-10-2012, 11:28 PM

Prepare for sticker shock when taking a taxi.

Sorry to hear about your bro. Do you have some simple cookbooks you could give him?

Can you cook some freezer meals for them while you're there? I know that's a stopgap but when your world has just fallen apart, it's a relief to have some of the everyday stuff covered so you can focus on bigger things.

How's your nephew doing with it all?

**peanut** · 01-10-2012, 11:33 PM

Great idea about the freezer meals SD! I can do that for them. You know, I could give him a cookbook as a bit of a joke. I don't think they'd use it. It's easier for them to go out and eat.

I have no idea how my nephew is taking it all. Dbro thought it would be a relief to him. There would be so much less arguing. I don't know. Kids are funny that way.

They just flew back from overseas this evening, and it's the first night they've been home without her. So I imagine it seems rather big and lonely. Poor Dbro just wanted a big hug! It's so hard to be so far away when bad things happen.

ETA: I could negotiate the transit and high speed rail system there. But I get in at 10:30 PM and I don't know if I want to be doing that at that time of night...especially with luggage.

**mauimagic** · 01-11-2012, 12:16 AM

Peanut = you are such a good sister. I STRONGLY suggest that he gets to the airport - someway - anyway - and then you take a cab home together. IMHO - it's the right thing to do.

**Libby** · 01-11-2012, 12:23 AM

I'd advise him to set some $ aside and perhaps go shopping with you for freezer safe storage containers - ziploc/glad whatnot. You could help out by making soup, chili, sauces so all he'd have to do is boil pasta and thaw a sauce? Does he grill? Do they have a crockpot - this could help him immensely.

Sorry to hear about your bro - you're very kind to head over to help.

**Spirit Deer** · 01-11-2012, 12:51 AM

You could just use freezer bags, too.

I think Marilyn is right. Your bro should meet you at the airport. Maybe he could even rent a car for a few days or even a weekend. Look online for a deal. If you're going to be out buying groceries and stuff, you need a way to get them home anyway.

**greekislandgirl** · 01-11-2012, 05:17 AM

About the taxi, make sure you have the exact address and get directions from your brother too so you can give them to the driver in case he's not familiar with the area. Be prepared that taxis can be expensive. There's usually an airport tax which adds up to $5 extra to the fare; then they usually charge an extra $1-3 for having luggage. At least in the US they usually expect a tip (about $1-2 extra). Before you get in the taxi, you can usually ask at the airport info desk what an appropriate taxi fare for your destination would be. This will give you an idea of what to expect. If your brother can meet you, that would be nice, but you can also look at is as an adventure

It would be nice if you were cooking while you were there, if you used cooking time as 'bro-and-sis-chat time' so he can watch you prepare simple dishes. You can explain what you're doing and talk at the same time.

**peanut** · 01-11-2012, 09:28 AM

All excellent ideas ladies. Thanks. I've talked to him and he's going to see if he can borrow a car to go pick me up. I suggested it wouldn't be a good idea for an easily confused hick from the sticks to land that late at night and negotiate a large city transit system before landing at his place. You're right about taxi fares. He said to expect to pay $30 to get to his place. I'm only taking carry-on. It's only for a week...I think.

He actually doesn't need a car where he lives. His house is within walking distance of shopping. And right near the main bus line to take you through the city. I suspect he left the car with his wife in TO when they went to his in-laws for Christmas. They were supposed to go from there to a family vacation in Greece. But she backed out at the last minute, saying she wasn't going. He was in Greece rearranging her ticket to come later when she told him she wasn't coming at all, and, in fact, wasn't going back to Vancouver or him ever...period.

His in-laws are devastated. Her parents are quite elderly now, and her dad was really close friends, and a mentor, to Dbro. They are not impressed with their DD. At least the Dad sure isn't! But I know this is not all SIL's fault. Dbro has his eccentricities too. Still it's hard to see him hurt this bad. Poor guy just about broke down on the phone the other night. So much for the tough big brother exterior I usually see.

**Spirit Deer** · 01-11-2012, 10:52 AM

If you do need a taxi, you could Mapquest the route before you go and just hand that to the cabbie, rather than trying to give directions. Don't cabs have GPS?

**frugalfranny** · 01-11-2012, 02:44 PM

No ideas that haven't already been mentioned.......am sure he would appreciate the food in the freezer.

Good luck.........let us know how it goes!

**shoiji** · 01-12-2012, 10:51 AM

Try to make as many freezer meals as possible. You could also make him a booklet with basic recipes in it that he or nephew could make. Hamburgers are just made into patties and what temp to use to cook them in a skillet. Chicken legs or thighs in a baking dish will a little salt and pepper and what temp oven to use and for how long. How to microwave a potato in the microwave. Just a couple of quick and easy ways to make a meal instead of eating out all the time.

**peanut** · 01-12-2012, 11:59 AM

Okay, Dbro emailed me to say he's 'got me covered' for pick up at the airport. We'll see about getting home. I didn't realize my 8 AM flight meant being at the airport at 6 AM. Which means getting up at 4 AM to get there on time.

May have to change that flight.

A friend came by and offered a cookbook for batchelor's that someone gave her. Dbro loves secondhand stuff, so that will be great!