can you tell it is one of those weeks this is totally ramble just ignore it

**heaven** · 10-21-2004, 10:35 PM

I am sitting here with my eyes leaking and I don’t know why it is happening I know that makes no sense but really to me it does and I guess I do know why, I really wanted closure with the guy that I dated at the beginning of summer because if you read my journal you will see that there is someone else and that he and I never really ended, it was the phone calls stopped one day and that was that, well tonight I talked to him and he had a hundred and two excuses and none were very good. Well he asked if I was seeing anyone and I really never answered him which it was a test from the powers that be and instead of just saying yeah Mark there is someone else, I avoided it all what is wrong with me I know what it is I think well if we don’t work out then I can go back but I am trying to move forward and Mark is back. Mark isn’t even all that great and if it was him or alone I should want to be alone is my thought, I did the pros and cons of Mark I swear I had a whole list of cons and Only ONE Pro and that was that he talked to me I don’t need this. I don’t want him haven’t I learned that being alone is better than being with someone who I shouldn’t be with. And then there is Michael that is another stupid dumba$$ move on my part why do I just not tell him to kiss this and go forward because everything would fall apart if I stay with Mike, I know it will. I like my company I can be alone and be happy, I have learned that EX in front of boyfriend goes there for a reason, I am really worried that though I have figured it out that he hasn’t. and Mike who knows what is going to happen there when I say hey sweetie, I just can’t do it, I thought I could but I just can’t take this long distance thing anymore, there that is just the way to say it, isn’t it time I start my new job Monday and that totally worries me too, I think that is the entire problem the job starts Monday and I am so very very nervous about it all, what if I screw up and then I have to meet new people and all the ones I know I am not going to be seeing because I will be traveling the other direction. So then I know what I have to do tell Mark that I am seeing someone and then tell Mike I can’t do this dating from there to here anymore then get the idea that everything is going to be wonderful Monday, I have money I am not broke I will be making more money and that will be wonderful, Life is good, right sorry to ramble I just needed to get that out, and I know this makes no sense to you either,
do you beleive that you can svre up by not saying what needs to be siad, and would you just tell someone by email

**guest2** · 10-21-2004, 10:46 PM

Heaven, you are better off just being happy with yourself than being involved in relationships that are not right for you and being miserable. Hang in there Sweetie and work on making yourself happy and not worrying about having some guy in your life.

**heaven** · 10-21-2004, 11:02 PM

thanks debbie I sent mark a note telling him that i am dating and I sent michael a note telling him we have to talk. so i will get this cleared up if it kills me, I just need to have it all settled so that I can move on with karma on my side for a change.

**guest2** · 10-21-2004, 11:05 PM

I'm sure you will feel better once all of this is taken care of. Letting go of relationships is never easy, even ones that we know in our hearts are not right for us. You have so much to offer Heaven and it's time to just concentrate on you and your little family for awhile.

**Ellise** · 10-22-2004, 10:31 AM

I think you are doing the right thing for you Heaven, and that's the most impotant thing.

**couponchic** · 10-22-2004, 07:39 PM

**heaven** · 10-22-2004, 09:23 PM

thanks guydbeleive it or not it is worse than it was, I don't know how this happens to me everything was going so well now it is crash time.

**kimmee** · 10-23-2004, 12:11 AM

Welcome to the crash club from another participant - Heaven. there must be a positive to it - perhaps so that when we are happy - WE REALLY ARE!! go get them boots and overalls (and no shirt

) and drive that Mustang down a wide open road!! Or get a bottle of wine and watch The Craft again!!!

**SewCrafty** · 10-23-2004, 10:38 AM

**dz_blonde_girl** · 10-23-2004, 10:43 AM

**heaven** · 10-24-2004, 10:15 AM

I am better today, I went out last night ALONE :O if that isn't weird what is and I decided that it wasn't gonna help either, I am just glad I couldn't find who i was lookiing for.