No please just bring yourself

**Greebo** · 10-27-2011, 06:48 AM

Ya know what, if you want me to bring something, then when I ask, don't say "nothing". I'm the guest, I'm going to respect the stated wishes of my host, and I certainly won't feel guilty if someone SAYS nothing then turns out not to have been being honest.

**imagine** · 10-27-2011, 09:00 AM

Originally Posted by Greebo

Ya know what, if you want me to bring something, then when I ask, don't say "nothing". I'm the guest, I'm going to respect the stated wishes of my host, and I certainly won't feel guilty if someone SAYS nothing then turns out not to have been being honest.

What he said

**Darlene** · 10-27-2011, 09:16 AM

Why don't you just talk to your SIL and let her know that this has been bothering you and you would like to bring something, even a little something or maybe help with clean up etc. People need to talk to one another, often times bad feelings and misunderstandings can be nipped in the bud.
Wishing you a wonderful time!

**StartingOver** · 10-27-2011, 10:02 AM

Wow...now I feel like a schmuck

I guess, when I plan a dinner and invite guests over, I do tell them "don't bring anything, just yourselves." And I mean it. I have everything planned out, down to the dessert. I don't want duplicate dishes or something that will not get eaten.

But what I do is....(I think Darlene suggested this)....I ALWAYS clear the table and do the dishes, clean up or whatever needs to be done. I know SIL does appreciate that, and I don't ever hear "No, please just sit down and enjoy yourself."

Thank you for your responses! It certainly gives me something to think about!

**Telephus44** · 10-27-2011, 11:41 AM

If it's close family, I assume that they really don't want me to bring anything. I know as a hostess, the last thing I want is to be scrambling to find another serving utensil, or another dish.

The only time I would bring something extra is if it was some kind of fancy dinner party, I might bring a bottle of wine or box of chocolates, but that would be for the host/hostess to enjoy later, and I wouldn't expect them to serve it with the meal.

**krbshappy71** · 10-27-2011, 12:31 PM

It depends on who the invite is and who is coming with me.

If family invited me and I'm coming alone, I wont bring anything except board games for the kids to play while I'm there, maybe recycled magazines that my mom will want to look through, things like that.

If family invited me and I'm bringing my daughters, I bring a little something.

If family invited me and I'm bringing someone besides my own daughters, I bring more of a something.

For friends I start with a tiny-something and work up from there. I was brought up to never come empty handed.

**frugalfranny** · 10-27-2011, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by krbshappy71

I was brought up to never come empty handed.

Me too. And even if they say 'don't worry about it"..........I take something. Even if it is just a pre-dinner nibble (salsa and chips) or something I canned or jam to go with the rolls at dinner.

**krbshappy71** · 10-27-2011, 04:26 PM

Originally Posted by frugalfranny

Me too. And even if they say 'don't worry about it"..........I take something. Even if it is just a pre-dinner nibble (salsa and chips) or something I canned or jam to go with the rolls at dinner.

I'm glad this thread was brought up, though, it didn't occur to me that too many people bringing something can end up to be a lot of stuff. I liked the idea of bringing flowers, those always brighten the room, or a card of thanks, rather than food.

**frugalfranny** · 10-27-2011, 04:31 PM

Originally Posted by krbshappy71

I liked the idea of bringing flowers, those always brighten the room,

I am always careful with this idea as so many people I know have
allergies............and even though they may not have much scent to me.........it might bother them.

**Debbie-cat** · 10-27-2011, 04:46 PM

I always bring something. Either a glass of wine or an appetizer and I always help to clean up!

**marjorie** · 10-27-2011, 05:25 PM

I always start out saying "You know I'm going to bring something, and I'd like it to be something you'll like". Generally this helps define things for both of us.

**SewFrugal** · 10-27-2011, 06:00 PM

If they say don't bring anything (food wise) I don't and I don't feel bad about it. I don't know what meal is being served and most people now a days have some sort of food allergy or special diet concerns. I would bring a hostess gift, even a bottle of wine which they can use later or pass on if they want

**LuvMyHubby** · 11-13-2011, 03:56 PM

The only place we go is holiday meals at Hubby's family and we are generally told just to bring ourselves or something to drink if it is above water, coffee or tea and we would arrive to find someone had made or brought something.....great well now we feel bad...next year we make something and the year after and the year after and each year it isn't opened or tasted and in fact given back in oh my we will never eat it you take it home....hmm yeah, so whatcha tryin' to tell me here??? So, I took the hint and I do not bring anything anymore.

**Libby** · 11-13-2011, 04:29 PM

If its immediate family for dinner, we're always bringing something. If its a friends for dinner - usually bring a plant. Not flowers. Maybe a bottle of wine.

How about when asked, you make a suggestion for one can of a non perishable food item for donation to the local food bank? This way it doesn't throw off your menu, leave with you with extra food and goodies and its something simple and small enough that it wouldn't really break the bank for others to bring? And it puts everyone's mind at ease b/c you've named something vs going 'oh nothing' and frustrating them.

Even if your dinner is only 6 people, thats still 4-6 more cans being donated.