Sharing a home with the grands

**mrsfoamy** · 02-12-2010, 01:17 PM

I'm glad you're so positive about everything. You have a very fortunate family. They'll be there for you someday when you need it too, I'm sure!

**mauimagic** · 02-12-2010, 01:23 PM

What a blessing in sharing your home with your DD and the grands as well as sharing with this thread. I agree that this trend will probably continue for quite a while. Love the idea of the generations getting to know each other - this is the silver lining to the financial mess we are in!!

Cannot wait to read future posts!!

**ravenmaniac** · 02-13-2010, 10:50 AM

I am about to be a first time grandma. Your daughter is lucky to have someone like you. I know I will support my daughter and grandchild anyway I can.

DD is living with bf and his family because they have a 4th bedroom, they are fixing it up for the nursery. We are close with bf's family so we are all on the "same page" with what is going on with our kids and the grandchild.

I think if more families stuck together and helped each other out the world would be a better place. I know I am blessed with supportive parents, step-dad, and in-laws.

I believe my kids will "pay it forward" by our families being kind, loving, and supportive.

(Now, I am not dumb. I realize there are circumstances where you can not help people.)

**alotofgooddeals** · 02-13-2010, 12:29 PM

personally i would love to have a big big house and have my children live with me forever...and their children to when the time comes...There of course would have to be boundaries set for all involved. I do believe that we will see this kind of living arrangement happen more and more. My husgand is one of 7 children and he has a few siblings that have spoken of having our own little commune. Buy a big peice of land and build separate houses on this peice of land or one big building that would house separate living arrangements for everyone involved. I think this would be extremely important having your own living arrangements so if you need a break you could. The reason behind this would be to facilitate child care and homeschooling because someone would always be home. You also could share those luxuries that are expensive... maybe a big swimming pool... etc...something that we could never afford on our own. We could have a huge garden and share the work that is involved.. like weeding harvesting and canning and everyone would benefit. Also the same with firewood... while someone might be able to afford purchasing it and someone else could not their job could be to cut and split it..A win win siutation all around. I know that this wouldn't work for everyone and dh has some siblings that i could never do this with however he does have two that we have started planning etc to try and get this done however there is so much involved with the selling of properties and finding another peice... etc so we are just in the thinking planning process at this point and who knows it may never take place but who knows it just may...

Originally Posted by ressa

Thank you both so very much! I don't feel so alone now

My daughter does let me know that we are appreciated. She has managed to keep a bank account in her own name (husband not included) out of overdraft. She can pay her own auto insurance and always has money for gas and to buy things the kids need. She gives me $50 a week to make up for the utilities and brings things home for us... maybe a happy meal for me or diet dr peppers for her dad. But she will never clean her room. Just not much of a housekeeper. She will cook for me and clean that up or do lots of other things..... but she does pick up behind herself in the rest of the house.... mostly. haha
The kids are doing much better. They actually get to play outside some. My daughter and her husband are not divorced, but maybe someday..... The oldest girl had no problems moving out of a house with her father.
The alone time is a problem for my husband and I. We were just used to a lot more of it!!!!! Having a toddler around 24/7 is not so easy on me. Love the kid and she is an accident in progress. Got herself stuck in a chair today... I guess trying to worm her way through the space between the back and the seat. My husband rescued her but I kinda thought about leaving it on, similar to muzzling a dog sorta. KIDDING
I see my daughter becoming more responsible every day. Her new job will be as a 911 operator and she had to go through some extensive job applications and interviews. And pass a drug test!!!!!! AND be prepared for random ones.
I know she would prefer to have her own home and to do things her own way. I also know she cannot financially afford to do so right now and that child care would be a big problem.
My mom is 76 and lives next door. She is in general good health but cannot hear. My daughter helps with that, listening to answering machine messages and takes her grandmother shopping or out to eat... things I dont like to do much

I wonder if more families will find themselves in similar situations with the economy in the shape it is.
Again, thank you so much!

**suebeehoney** · 02-15-2010, 12:35 PM

Ressa -

I can totally identify with what you've got going on. My daughter (22) moved home, and is pregnant, so just when I thought I was STARTING to get the kids out of the house (22 yr old moved out several years ago when she was 18, middle child is about to graduate high school and youngest lives with his dad in another state)....one of them came back home. SO....now I have 2 in the house and a grandbaby on the way in June.

It's not easy some days, but DD22 is a huge help around the house, keeps the laundry and dishes done up and usually has dinner ready when I get home from work.

The plan is that she and the baby will live with me until the baby is approximately 2 years old, by which time we are hoping that DD22 will have her CNA certification and will have a CNA job in the area and can move out on her own with the little one.

**Nana2two** · 02-15-2010, 10:09 PM

I have my grandsons on Friday and Satuerday, to have them full time would a big job!

**ressa** · 02-16-2010, 08:41 AM

Thanks so much for the encouragement! It does indeed look like they will be here a while longer. If you look at it as an enriching experience, it is awesome.
And on the days when it isn't...... Well, when the 9 year old, out of the blue, comes up and hugs you and says she is glad she lives here..... it's awesome too

**ressa** · 10-08-2011, 09:19 AM

DD and the two grands have since moved out. They moved in with her long time boyfriend, who is a real blessing to those kids. I guess I should not condone this but he was a family friend long before he and DD got together and is a really good guy. The girls are really happy.
We still have them after school and when my daughter works late hours. We usually have them spend Saturday night too, so they can go to church on Sunday.
My husband has since retired. He had told our youngest daughter that if she waited to have kids til after he retired, he would babysit and darned if she didn't take him at his word.
So I now have a beautiful grandson and babysitting will start back up full time when DD2 goes back to work. But I won't have as much responsibility as I did with the girls. DD2 is a graphics designer for our local college, so her hours are stable and dependable. Her husband is a middle school math teacher. Looks like I will have the baby during the day while the girls are in school and his dad will keep him during the summer when I have the girls. HA!
In other words, everything is MUCH better and my house stays neater and I am still kept busy enough to be healthy

**Nana2two** · 10-15-2011, 05:02 PM

I had my daughter and 2 grandsons here for a year this month. Now they have there own place. Love my babies but oh my the stress and extra cost was high. If i had to do it again i would of course.

**Anna43** · 10-18-2011, 01:36 PM

I think the economic and other circumstances in the world today is leading to a lot of different living arrangements. Personally I dread the day dd want/needs to move in. She is and always has been a drama queen and its tiring. We just spent 4 days with her at my mom's and I'm exhausted emotionally and physically. She's a hard worker and always does more than her share but she's never quiet and the opposite of restful! Also, I will not have her adult son under my roof and the other son (soon to be adult) is questionable which might lead to conflict as she's such a soft touch with them. NO DRUGS OR BOOZE ALLOWED! Our other dd would rather die than live with us. Our son is not welcome to move in as I have limits and he exceeds them in many directions. My mom would only agree to live with my youngest sister which is okay with me but maybe not sis!

**ravenmaniac** · 10-21-2011, 09:06 PM

I just read my post from 2-13-2010 and boy have things changed. Dd isn't with Parker's father. They get along okay but only because Carlie usually gives in or works everything around P's dad's schedule.
Sometimes, it is hard having her live here. Dd can be very demanding and lazy. I love Parker so much and he is great but dd has this semester and one more until she finishes school. Then hopefully she can get full time employment. It has taken a financial toll on us.

I just take things one day at a time. What makes things very difficult is that she doesn't have a car. So between the 3 three of us we have 2 vehicles. Luckily my dh has a work vehicle but he can't drive it off duty. At least we have 2 running vehicles.

I have to think of things in very short term goals and accomplishments or I would lose my mind.

**outnumbered** · 10-22-2011, 08:15 PM

We just moved in with my husband's Dad and his family. We had a business deal worked out with my Mom concerning her house, but she backed out of it, AFTER we had relocated 600 miles, uprooted our family, and on and on. The toll of the two months there (emotionally and financially) almost destroyed us, so we relocated to AL to live with my husband's dad and his family. They have asked us to for several years, and we finally took them up on it. There are 8 of us here....my husband and I and our two boys (4 and 6), his Dad, step mom, 16 year old sister, and 25 year old sister, who is morbidly obese and slightly delayed. We all seem to function well tho, we agreed on a set amount we pay them monthly, we all chip in on food and household necessities, and we all share in the cooking, cleaning, management of the pets, and getting people to and from where they belong. I could not ever live here if we were not paying rent and contributing. While this is an unusual situation, I think there are a lot more people finding themselves in this arrangement. I have a Master's Degree, so it's just a matter of submitting CV's and landing the right job--I already have several out. We know we will be here at least 6 months, but we have all talked over the idea of just building an addition onto this place, or jointly buying a larger house. I just hope the situation remains as positive as it has thus far.

**THE GOOD PLAN** · 04-30-2012, 10:48 PM

We have been doing this for several years now. There are 10 grown kids between us and lots of grandkids. Some stay a few months, some longer. Thankfully so far they don't all need help at the same time! I love having the grandbabies here and I love it when it's just us.

**Rosebudget1** · 05-01-2012, 10:53 AM

My son and his two lived with us for two years. They have been gone for a year now.
It was a blessing and very stressfull at the same time.
Hopefully none of them will need help like that again because we never say no!

**krbshappy71** · 05-02-2012, 03:19 PM

I am currently sharing my home with new grandbaby, but am moving in a month. Its been fine but wouldn't want to do it out of necessity or long-term. I prefer to be alone a lot so I hide out in my room when I have had enough people interaction for one day.

I'm not a clean freak but I get highly annoyed by other's mess even if I am being messy myself. Dunno why, control maybe. So here and there I just text them and ask them to clean up the kitchen of their mess, clean up the dining room table, etc.

I'd do this again if the situation came up and they needed us but I don't see myself living in that situation full time like some families do. Way too hermit-ish for that.