Moving a parent

[Darlene]

Today we'll be moving my inlaws out of their home that they have lived in since the 60's and into a retirement community. This all on top of Dad having major heart surgery a couple months ago. It's really overwhelming at times.
My inlaws have always been frugal to the max, sometimes overly so since they save all kinds of lots and lots & lots of "stuff". We've been packing away and that's tough too because most things we have to go thru piece by piece to see if it's a take or a donate or give to family member. What they need for their new place will be moved today and luckily their house isn't on the market yet so we aren't pressed for time and can sort out the "rest" later & alot of "rest" there is. Anyone care for a jug of homemade wine from the late 60's? :shocked:

With Mom and her ALZ and Dad tiring so easy from surgery it's so hard on them. Jack & I are pretty much doing everything and I'm glad BIL can come help today. Other family members are out of state & have come to help when Dad was in hospital but not for packing & moving. Bil from out of sate is coming in a week or so to help empty the house. Glad to have him!

Emotional for Jack & I too as we wished they did this years ago so they really could enjoy life without worrying about house repairs etc. Oh well it is what it is and we'll do our best to make them a happy home.
On a happy note, we all met 3 of their neighbors yesterday and they are all so very friendly!

Have any of you had to move a loved one? A loved one who saved everything?
Leaving here at 7. Please wish us luck & patience today and the weeks to come as we deal with the memories, help them start a new chapter in their lives & reassure Mom again and again, that everything really is going to be alright.

[Liane]

My Aunt Betty lived in PA and moved to New Mexico with her new husband. She had a four bedroom house full to the max of stuff. There were many trips to the storage unit and distributing things to family and friends. In the end her house sold and we scrambled to pack and get rid of things. She was so busy that I oftened packed her things by myself and just put things in boxes. At this point she ran out of time to go through things. She has been in New Mexico for three years and still has not unpacked everything. I know in the future I will be going to New Mexico to get rid of things. She is my God-Mother and gladly would do anything for her. During her career as a travel agent she traveled all over the world and collected many interesting things. I love to look at the various items from her house and think of her. They are happy memories of the Aunt I love who lives so far away

[tripleb]

We moved our mom from a single house to a small apartment a couple of years ago. There was a lot of stuff in the house but I can say that it belonged more to my sister than my mom. They had a huge yard sale and my mom got rid of a lot of her stuff. She wanted to live a very simple life with not a lot of clutter and belongings. It was very overwhelming and rushed at the time but it all worked out well.
Good luck!

[nancycg56]

My Mom moved to a retirement village about 8 or 9 years ago and it's the best thing she ever did!

[2ndGenGranola]

Two years ago we moved my Dad here. He had a 2,000 sq ft house and 4 outbuildings packed full. Thankfully it was my brother (and any spare male) on that end who got stuck with that job. I get to deal with my Dad now living in the apartment (he tells everyone its a "dive") and refilling it (he already has 3 ironing boards !?!?!?!?!)

[krbshappy71]

Hugs to you, it is a bit of a strange process, I know. The roles get changed a bit during the process as "we" (adult children) end up taking the lead on this one. Stay gentle and it will be ok.

I helped my parents move from NE to CO. I took a couple trips and helped with some sorting and taking things to their burn pile. Then they suddenly got an offer they absolutely couldn't refuse, the people wanting their place said they could leave ANYTHING they didn't want, that could be taken to the dump (too large for burn pile or too much, or shouldn't be burned, etc) Can you imagine?? So then our focus turned to "what do we absolutely want" instead of "load it all up how will it ever fit?" and my parents became very selective, it was a burden off their shoulders to have someone else take over that part of the process.

Although neither of my parents have Alzheimer's, my dad would be very distracted jumping from item to item and room to room, interrupting us at every turn whereas my mom and I were tireless work horses and very focused. We started a pile of "ask dad" stuff so anytime he wandered in we could immediately corner him "how about this? keep or don't keep?" hahahaa he started avoiding us after a few rounds of that I think. Since he also would tire easily, we would bring him boxes to his recliner. He could sit and sort briefly, then lay back in the chair a bit to rest.

I feel for you, my parents got successfully moved and love being closer to us. They have told me that they rarely miss and can barely remember any of the stuff they didn't bring. I was very happy about that, I was worried we'd miss a very special box, the wrong box would be brought, etc but it all worked out.

[frugalfriend]

Aww, Darlene I really feel for you! That is hard and emotional work. My parents went through this several months ago when they moved out here. My dad is a total pack rat so a tough job! I wasn't able to go help them (just be as morally supportive over the phone as possible) but another family member did. He was very ruthless in throwing things out and I still hear stories from my mom on things she wish she had and why was that thrown away? Really practical things that she doesn't understand why they were thrown out like her ironing board, her beautiful little Alpine Christmas tree, etc. But, the truck could only take so much and a lot had to thrown away or given away. So sad for her. It really is a blessing that I wasn't the one helping them because I am very sentimental and hate being wasteful, so it would have been torture for me, lol!

Sending you hugs & best wishes as you go through this process. It sure will be wonderful and a relief though when you come out the other side and it is all DONE!

[pip]

My parents are talking about moving to a senior apartment building as soon as one is available, they are on a wait list. They have been in their house since 1970 and have never thrown ANYTHING away. (A neighbor once asked them if they ate their garbage...) They are still quite physically active, but my mom's personality is changing ... scary because 3/5 of her sisters plus her mom have/had Alzheimers.

Anyway, they are trying to go through stuff and it is overwhelming. I told my mom to bring over anything of mine that's there and I will deal with it. They brought over several boxes, and I'm sure there are more, of practically every toy and old clothes of mine worn in the 1970's. The dolls have ratty hair and smashed heads and are naked ...

Anyway, I feel your pain. I feel our time coming to deal with this.

[Darlene]

Thanks for sharing all your stories, a common theme is to just do the best you can and little by little it'll get done.

Things went really well yesterday. The movers showed on time & busted their butts and backs getting all the furniture out and into the new place in 3 hours. Meanwhile bil, hubby and I were packing and unpacking away and actually had everything in place and all boxes empty, except Dads desk, put away by 2:30 pm. I can't believe we did it! We even stopped for a half hour for lunch.
We still have things like pictures,books & mirrors and small stuff to bring over but they can live nicely til we do. And of course still have the house to empty but that can wait. Now to catch up on things here at home for a day or 2... man is the grass getting long, lol.

Was funny,yesterday at about 9 am, I was working away in the old kitchen packing & washing things (mom can't see well so things aren't as clean as they should be & I wasn't about to pack dirty things) and she told me I could stop now and go home. :laughing:
One thing I've learned about dealing/coping with this disease (ALZ) and aging parents in general is that you really do have to find the humor in things, it really helps. I suppose outsiders may not understand that we really do love them to pieces but you've just got to find laughter in some of this stuff. Like that jug of wine from the 60's... How come none of you said you wanted it?

Thanks again for your support & I'll keep you updated. :bigkiss:

[PrairieRose]

Glad it went well Darlene.....
If I were you guys I'd consider clearing out the house somewhat like eating and elephant. Just start at the front and take little bitty bites and before ya know it, you've eaten the WHOLE thing!

You know that we moved my parents and for the most part they were not hoarders (THANK goodness). But, the move was horrendous. We had about 12 people who in ONE day packed, loaded, moved, everything and unpacked about 2/3's of everything they owned. I'll never forget that windy Easter Sunday. I don't know now we did that. I'm sorry that we didn't do it about 2-3 years earlier too....but there ya go. Mom only got to live in her new house for 8 months after the move and then she died.

I hope your inlaws settle in nicely and have some quality time to enjoy their new place. Hang in there.....you'll eventually get it all done. You are so right, you may as well laugh as to cry about it.....and it's ok b/c one day our kids will be doing the same for/to us.....

[frugalwarrior2]

My parents are horders and have 3 generations of stuff at their house. The house isn't worth much and is in lousy repair. Fortunately, my dbrother and i agree when they pass it's dumpster time. Also,it's only a 2 bedroom house w/ no bsmt.
I may take a page after our friends and list it a a huge free garage sale on craigs or freecycle.
Either way I anticipate a FReddy Krueger type nightmare. Blessing to you for your patience. This too shall pass. Remind me when it's my turn.

[frugalfranny]

I just read this thread, darlene, my heart goes out to you.

Also, some great heartfelt stories here. It is really tough.

My mom and dad saved 'momentos' from everything that they were involved in. My mother was gone by then. But my dad was far enough along with his ALZ that he was doing the 'hoarding' thing......where they put things in weird places. We had to make sure he hadn't stuffed some money in places! (he had) It is scary.....and yes, you HAVE to keep your sense of humor and laugh about things.

Take a deep breath and hang in there darlene.......

[rosey7415]

so glad it went well for you

[McD]

Zac's grandparents are in the process of selling the home they have lived in for 40-50 years and move into a condo. It's a decision they made together, so that if something happens to one, the other is already set up in a place that is easy for them to maintain. They are going through the house themselves and passing on things to family so they can take the things they truly want to be surrounded by.

I am dreading when my grandparents pass. They are hoarders and have mass accumlations of junk.

[Darlene]

Update! They love it there! Woohoo! Included with their monthly rent is dinner everyday. They went, had 3 menu's to choose from & were raving about the food.Tastes great and portions are large. I'm so glad they went and are going to continue to go, them cooking a big meal is getting harder as time goes on and having the main meal taken care of so nicely is just the best.
Yes!