special challenges of having children late in life

**mek42** · 05-02-2010, 11:10 AM

We're in our mid-thirties, debating about having children. Is there anyone here who might share their "been there, done that" experiences of starting the children path late in life?

We got married about 5 years ago (I remember the month and day but not the year, lol) with no prior marriages or children.

Thanks!

**zakity** · 05-02-2010, 12:34 PM

I had my boys when I was 25 and 27. Now, a friend's dad is in the hospital and I am watching her 20 month old quite a bit. I am exhausted the days that I watch him. And, it was much easier to haul the kids in and out of the carseats when I was younger.

**stinkbug** · 05-02-2010, 01:24 PM

Every stage of life has challenges....

I will say, my neighbor adopted a baby @ 45. She is a SAHM and has a nanny/houskeeper two-three days a week. The baby is 15 months old and it's obvious she still hasn't adjusted....she tells me she is exhaused ALL the time.

**bonnotsm9** · 05-02-2010, 01:32 PM

I had my last child at age 34. Pregnancy and recovery was harder than it was when I had my first at 23. But he's five now and I don't regret it at all.

The first years are tiring because as infants they often don't sleep well and as toddlers they just go and go and go. LOL

**Siebrie** · 05-02-2010, 02:11 PM

My mum was 36 when she had me; I was 36 when I had my dd and we are planning on a second one. I am very happy I can share the duties with my dh, but I also notice that I am not really nervous about anything.
Added advantage: the rest of te family's children are all a little bit older, so all their old clothes come our way.

**MaryCarney** · 05-02-2010, 05:11 PM

My last two were born when I was 38 and 40. They are a blessing at whatever age they arrive - unqualified blessing.

PLUS - being 55 with two teens keeps me young!

**mauimagic** · 05-02-2010, 05:14 PM

Go for it!! We were blessed with our DD when I was forty and I wouldn't change a thing. Treasured every minute of pregnancy since I figured she would be an only (Having babies after 40 was almost unheard of back then!!). Have absolutely no regrets!!

**monkeywrangler71** · 05-02-2010, 05:30 PM

I had my first at 21 and my last at 34. I had no more energy in my twenties than in my thirties, kids are exhausting at any age. What I do have now is a little more patience and perspective.

The pregnancy at 21 was easier, but it was my worst delivery and my longest recovery. The last one was the quickest recovery, I was home in three hours and felt great.

**Judi Dial** · 05-02-2010, 06:10 PM

My mom was 39 when she had me, my dad 56! My mom died just before my 4th birthday and what I remember about my dad was that he was too tired from working 3 jobs: college professor, CEO of family business, and an engineering consultant to an aircraft company. He could barely do what he had to do on his own, much less deal with a hyperactive female child. He hired it out. Unfortunately,the person he hired was an abusive alcoholic, but that's another story.

What I remember is feeling odd: we didn't go on vacations like other families did. I didn't go to amusement parks, like other kids and their families did, etc. We went out to eat and we visited some friends, mostly his, and some of mine, played card games, board games, and read. It wasn't bad, but it was definitely different than what other kids around me did with their parents. Also, he sent me to camp and boarding school a lot too... 2-4th grade, 9th grade for the schools, and summer camps for most of it before highschool.

My advice would be to have the kid, but pay attention when they say things like, "Why can't we...?" not that you always could, or might even want to do whatever it is, but it might be a long term kind of thing. I remember asking over and over why we never went on vacation?

Judi

**Kitten20** · 05-02-2010, 06:25 PM

I don't have any children yet (I'm 28), but I was raised by my grandparents. While we did take a lot of family trips (to visit family, etc.), we never went to places like Disneyland or other amusement parks or "fun" places, etc. They never took me to the park or anything other active activities. Of course, their wisdom and care probably made up for it. I wouldn't change a thing looking back now! But, as a child, I did feel a little short-changed sometimes.

**militlady** · 05-04-2010, 04:01 AM

I had my first son when I was 18 and my last son when I was almost 42. I have to say having him at that age was somewhat different. I was a little more tired while I was pregnant but giving birth was much easier. Could be due to the epidural.

I am also a lot more patient with my youngest son. He just has so much energy that sometimes I feel like I have been run ragged. I am fortunate to be able to stay at home with him and we have actually gone on more vacations than I did with the older 4. When you have that many it is hard to go anywhere. Hunter has been to more states at 2 years old than most adults. He is just an amazing kid. . Hunter was not planned but I would not trade him for anything in the world.

**ml2620** · 05-04-2010, 06:45 AM

I am pregnant for the first time at age 36, DH is 48. Yup, its an adventure!

But honestly, I don't know too many people that had babies in their 20s, most people I know waited until their 30s when they had homes and careers and some money in the bank. Our choice to wait is pretty mainstream.

As for amusement parks and disneyland, I generally hate both and did even as a kid. DH and I are very active people, and expect to take our baby travelling a lot, see the world, experience all kinds of adventures and include the baby in all we do around the farm and in life.

The very idea of being mid thirties and thinking you've passed the window is just crazy!

**Lora88** · 05-04-2010, 07:14 AM

I had my first 3 before the age of 25 the last one when I was 37 physically I did fine it took me longer to lose the baby weight but I did lose it. Emontionally it has been awesome wouldnt change a thing You are not old dont worry and go for it

**freebs** · 05-04-2010, 08:57 AM

I had both of mine in my 20's and we never took big vacations. it wasnt till we were older that we would go camping up in the mountains or something so i dont think the poster that thought she was odd is all that odd at all. I think there are alot of us that was never taken on trips like that, i know with 5 kids we sure didnt!

**CampCrazyMom** · 05-06-2010, 07:07 AM

I had my first when I was 30, 2nd when I was 33. My husband is 10 years older than I am. (We're both now 42 & 52) We're probably 2 of the oldest parents at school. Doesn't bother us one bit! I wasn't ready for kids when I was younger, add to that I didn't even know my dh before then. LOL!

We still camped & traveled with our girls when they were little bitty things. (Still do). Having children didn't slow us down at all. (We're not amusement part/Disney people - still aren't even with a 12 & 9 yo.)