Should I use middle-age as an excuse to avoid socializing?

**LuLuBleen** · 01-26-2011, 12:57 PM

DH and I are invited to a casual dinner party in a couple of weeks and I really, really don't want to go. Just say "No", right? Well, we've been avoiding invitations from the hosting couple for a while now and, it seems, they're starting to take it personally. When DH got the invite, the hostess made it very clear that they really wanted us, in particular, to attend. I wouldn't care except that they work at DH's office and DH needs to keep the working relationship smooth.

In the past we've just gone to the parties and been bored out of our minds. I'd rather be home knitting or reading or watching paint dry.

Is it better to just make up (yet another) previous engagement or should I just come out and say that we're old and don't like evening parties anymore? Is there another answer I'm overlooking?

What would you say?

**Russ** · 01-26-2011, 01:06 PM

LOL I would love to just say no because I can totally understand how you feel.
I hate going and like you, watching paint dry sounds more fun.

However... Is it going to kill you? (This is the question my wife asks me

) Accept that is only for a few hours at most and who knows, you might enjoy yourself.

How does the hubby feel about it?

btw... I have to go to a dinner on Saturday.

**OOwl** · 01-26-2011, 01:11 PM

I am so very much like this, stressing over social situations where I assume I'm going to be miserable. Fact is, when I do go (and it sounds like you need to for your husband's career), it ends up being not at all as bad as I imagined it would be. Helps to set a time period, too, maybe saying we'll stay no longer than two hours, then graciously thank the hosts and leave. I often find that I'm more comfortable KNOWING I only have to endure it for at set time period. Often when that time comes, my husband will say, "Ready to go?" and I find myself just being okay with staying a while longer. Good luck to you. I'm not a social butterfly either so I know this is painful (more painful to contemplate that actual DO).

**happymomof4** · 01-26-2011, 01:30 PM

I also would rather stay home then go out with people. I know my dh is a social person so he likes to be around people. With him not working right now he needs to get out of the house more then ever. I work in an office and deal with people all day. Would rather not deal with people at all on the weekends.

I bite the bullet and go to some things for dh. So things I get myself out of and stay home and let him go himself.

**CrazyCat** · 01-26-2011, 01:39 PM

sometimes you have to schmooze...IYKWIM~

Unless you will get drunk and embarrass yourself and dh...the 'right' thing to do would be to go. I like OOwl's idea of setting a timeframe.

Being 'older' doesn't cut it.
sometimes in life we have to do what we don't want to do.

**Contrary Housewife** · 01-26-2011, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by LuLuBleen

I wouldn't care except that they work at DH's office and DH needs to keep the working relationship smooth.

I share your feelings. So when these dinners come around we suck it up and go, and be pleasant.

Try to find the positive in it. At least *you* don't have to make dinner and clean up that night.

**mauimagic** · 01-26-2011, 03:53 PM

What great advice from so many of us who would rather stay at home!! I am so lucky to have my DH as a role model in this type of situation. I've noticed - over 30 years- that when we are doing something that is definitely not his choice - he has a great time because he is just there and emjoying whatever happens. Watching him has really freed me up to actually enjoying some occasions I would not normally want to attend. Just a thought.

**Ramona** · 01-26-2011, 03:56 PM

Do it for your DH. Set a time limit, charm their pants off and leave. Duty done. Then you can safely refuse their next three invitations

**lparker** · 01-26-2011, 04:07 PM

"the hostess made it very clear that they really wanted us, in particular, to attend" Sure, go this time, but if it's the same old boring party don't go to any more...UNLESS the hostess is related to your DH's boss...throws a whole different light on the subject. My best excuse is that my bedtime is 9PM and I'm 65 and earned the right to do what I please concerning parties.

Lee

**McD** · 01-26-2011, 04:26 PM

I would suck it up and go. I go to every work function of DH's that I can, regardless of whether I want to or not. It reflects well on him that he has a strong support system that is willing to stand behind him.

**Telephus44** · 01-26-2011, 04:28 PM

I would go, and set a time limit. If the worst thing I have to do is be bored for 2 hours every three months - then that's not so bad.

Either that, or flat out say it - I don't want to go to your parties, so please stop inviting me.

And unless you're old enough to have truly earned it - I'd go with the first option.

**Brat** · 01-26-2011, 04:29 PM

Some times the job requires the social side..Go for a short time anyway..

**Momto5RN** · 01-26-2011, 07:44 PM

i would go - if you have never been out with this couple you dont know for sure that you wont have a good time .
and if its work related- in this economy think of it as two hours or so well spent - imagine how many hours people spend job hunting . I think two hours socializing is a better deal lol .

dont lie and make something up- if they find out it will reflect horribly on the both of you - once i discover someone has lied to me - i lose all respect .

Hmm they seen awfully interested in the two of you - heres hoping they arent " swingers "

**Darlene** · 01-26-2011, 07:53 PM

Knowing what I know now...Do it. Make it an adventure, look at it differently. Something new, it's not forever and you just might make a new friend. Ask people questions that make them talk about themselves. Have fun, make it a quest to seek out something interesting. It's there if only you ask the right questions.
Sure at home is safe and calm & quiet but every once in a while it's a good thing to shake things up and try new things. Hope you go for it! It, like almost everything, is what you make it. Make it fun!!

**krbshappy71** · 01-26-2011, 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by LuLuBleen

DH and I are invited to a casual dinner party in a couple of weeks and I really, really don't want to go. Just say "No", right? Well, we've been avoiding invitations from the hosting couple for a while now and, it seems, they're starting to take it personally. When DH got the invite, the hostess made it very clear that they really wanted us, in particular, to attend. I wouldn't care except that they work at DH's office and DH needs to keep the working relationship smooth.

In the past we've just gone to the parties and been bored out of our minds. I'd rather be home knitting or reading or watching paint dry.

Is it better to just make up (yet another) previous engagement or should I just come out and say that we're old and don't like evening parties anymore? Is there another answer I'm overlooking?

What would you say?

I know people much older that do many, many social things so age wont get you off the hook. If they are feeling avoidance, then its becoming obvious, yup.

Is it possible to just say, "we really prefer our nights at home together, the work week is just so taxing." or something along those lines that is more honest than just avoiding them?

Ya, its hard when its work people, I know. I just tell people no thank you, that I'm a homebody. (maybe that word is old-fashioned but it works)