Should I use middle-age as an excuse to avoid socializing?
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 32
  1. #1
    Registered User LuLuBleen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    99
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    6

    Default Should I use middle-age as an excuse to avoid socializing?

    DH and I are invited to a casual dinner party in a couple of weeks and I really, really don't want to go. Just say "No", right? Well, we've been avoiding invitations from the hosting couple for a while now and, it seems, they're starting to take it personally. When DH got the invite, the hostess made it very clear that they really wanted us, in particular, to attend. I wouldn't care except that they work at DH's office and DH needs to keep the working relationship smooth.

    In the past we've just gone to the parties and been bored out of our minds. I'd rather be home knitting or reading or watching paint dry.

    Is it better to just make up (yet another) previous engagement or should I just come out and say that we're old and don't like evening parties anymore? Is there another answer I'm overlooking?

    What would you say?

  2. #2
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    not here
    Posts
    4,377
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    51

    Default

    LOL I would love to just say no because I can totally understand how you feel.
    I hate going and like you, watching paint dry sounds more fun.

    However... Is it going to kill you? (This is the question my wife asks me ) Accept that is only for a few hours at most and who knows, you might enjoy yourself.

    How does the hubby feel about it?


    btw... I have to go to a dinner on Saturday.
    I saved 100% by buying nothing. Best sale of the year.

  3. #3
    Registered User OOwl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    420
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    9

    Default

    I am so very much like this, stressing over social situations where I assume I'm going to be miserable. Fact is, when I do go (and it sounds like you need to for your husband's career), it ends up being not at all as bad as I imagined it would be. Helps to set a time period, too, maybe saying we'll stay no longer than two hours, then graciously thank the hosts and leave. I often find that I'm more comfortable KNOWING I only have to endure it for at set time period. Often when that time comes, my husband will say, "Ready to go?" and I find myself just being okay with staying a while longer. Good luck to you. I'm not a social butterfly either so I know this is painful (more painful to contemplate that actual DO).

  4. #4
    Registered User happymomof4's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    PA
    Age
    49
    Posts
    595
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    7

    Default

    I also would rather stay home then go out with people. I know my dh is a social person so he likes to be around people. With him not working right now he needs to get out of the house more then ever. I work in an office and deal with people all day. Would rather not deal with people at all on the weekends.

    I bite the bullet and go to some things for dh. So things I get myself out of and stay home and let him go himself.

  5. #5
    Registered User CrazyCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    ohio
    Posts
    379
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    38
    Rep Power
    7

    Default

    sometimes you have to schmooze...IYKWIM~

    Unless you will get drunk and embarrass yourself and dh...the 'right' thing to do would be to go. I like OOwl's idea of setting a timeframe.

    Being 'older' doesn't cut it.
    sometimes in life we have to do what we don't want to do.

  6. #6
    Registered User Contrary Housewife's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Kansas City
    Posts
    4,641
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    75
    Rep Power
    43

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LuLuBleen View Post
    I wouldn't care except that they work at DH's office and DH needs to keep the working relationship smooth.
    I share your feelings. So when these dinners come around we suck it up and go, and be pleasant.

    Try to find the positive in it. At least *you* don't have to make dinner and clean up that night.
    Use it up, Wear it out,
    Make it do, Or do without. ~unknown

    You can't always get what you want
    But if you try sometimes you just might find
    You get what you need ~Rolling Stones

    A clean house is a sign of a wasted life. ~unknown

  7. #7
    Moderator mauimagic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Maui, Hawaii
    Posts
    19,114
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    57
    Rep Power
    113

    Default

    What great advice from so many of us who would rather stay at home!! I am so lucky to have my DH as a role model in this type of situation. I've noticed - over 30 years- that when we are doing something that is definitely not his choice - he has a great time because he is just there and emjoying whatever happens. Watching him has really freed me up to actually enjoying some occasions I would not normally want to attend. Just a thought.
    No spend days: J 9/16
    Monthly exercise: J 165/930
    Monthly savings: J-202, F-186,M-170,A-154, M-137, J-118, J-102, A-86, S-70, O-54, N-38, D-28

    “Decluttering isn't just simplifying your life. It's having a vision, setting new priorities and using those notions to get rid of obstacles.”
    — Peter Walsh
    __________________

  8. #8
    Registered User Ramona's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Boston MA
    Posts
    1,217
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    13

    Default

    Do it for your DH. Set a time limit, charm their pants off and leave. Duty done. Then you can safely refuse their next three invitations

  9. #9
    Registered User lparker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    WNY
    Age
    68
    Posts
    688
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    8

    Default

    "the hostess made it very clear that they really wanted us, in particular, to attend" Sure, go this time, but if it's the same old boring party don't go to any more...UNLESS the hostess is related to your DH's boss...throws a whole different light on the subject. My best excuse is that my bedtime is 9PM and I'm 65 and earned the right to do what I please concerning parties.

    Lee
    BEF fully funded
    Debt Reduction
    heloc - $3,299 - 0 yes, yes, yes!
    mortgage - $62,382
    van payoff = <$9,500

  10. #10
    McD
    McD is offline
    Technical Support Sleuth McD's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    the land of corn and cows
    Age
    29
    Posts
    6,481
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Blog Entries
    16
    Rep Power
    42

    Default

    I would suck it up and go. I go to every work function of DH's that I can, regardless of whether I want to or not. It reflects well on him that he has a strong support system that is willing to stand behind him.
    McD
    -wife to Z
    -mommy to Dubya & Moo Cow

    Blog: http://familystylemayhem.com/


    My Ravelry: http://www.ravelry.com/projects/nicd...view=thumbnail

  11. #11
     is offline

    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    0
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    I would go, and set a time limit. If the worst thing I have to do is be bored for 2 hours every three months - then that's not so bad.

    Either that, or flat out say it - I don't want to go to your parties, so please stop inviting me.

    And unless you're old enough to have truly earned it - I'd go with the first option.

  12. #12
    Registered User Brat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    midwest, country
    Posts
    979
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    12

    Default

    Some times the job requires the social side..Go for a short time anyway..

  13. #13
    Registered User Momto5RN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    2,053
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    21

    Default

    i would go - if you have never been out with this couple you dont know for sure that you wont have a good time .
    and if its work related- in this economy think of it as two hours or so well spent - imagine how many hours people spend job hunting . I think two hours socializing is a better deal lol .

    dont lie and make something up- if they find out it will reflect horribly on the both of you - once i discover someone has lied to me - i lose all respect .

    Hmm they seen awfully interested in the two of you - heres hoping they arent " swingers "

  14. #14
    Super Moderator Darlene's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    27,948
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    64

    Default

    Knowing what I know now...Do it. Make it an adventure, look at it differently. Something new, it's not forever and you just might make a new friend. Ask people questions that make them talk about themselves. Have fun, make it a quest to seek out something interesting. It's there if only you ask the right questions.
    Sure at home is safe and calm & quiet but every once in a while it's a good thing to shake things up and try new things. Hope you go for it! It, like almost everything, is what you make it. Make it fun!!
    Last edited by Darlene; 01-26-2011 at 08:19 PM.

  15. #15
    Registered User krbshappy71's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    DE
    Posts
    2,371
    Post Thanks / WTG / Hug
    Rep Power
    20

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LuLuBleen View Post
    DH and I are invited to a casual dinner party in a couple of weeks and I really, really don't want to go. Just say "No", right? Well, we've been avoiding invitations from the hosting couple for a while now and, it seems, they're starting to take it personally. When DH got the invite, the hostess made it very clear that they really wanted us, in particular, to attend. I wouldn't care except that they work at DH's office and DH needs to keep the working relationship smooth.

    In the past we've just gone to the parties and been bored out of our minds. I'd rather be home knitting or reading or watching paint dry.

    Is it better to just make up (yet another) previous engagement or should I just come out and say that we're old and don't like evening parties anymore? Is there another answer I'm overlooking?

    What would you say?
    I know people much older that do many, many social things so age wont get you off the hook. If they are feeling avoidance, then its becoming obvious, yup.

    Is it possible to just say, "we really prefer our nights at home together, the work week is just so taxing." or something along those lines that is more honest than just avoiding them?

    Ya, its hard when its work people, I know. I just tell people no thank you, that I'm a homebody. (maybe that word is old-fashioned but it works)
    "If you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, march down there and light it yourself."

    Car loan (ugh, again!)
    Husband's debt to work on, mine is gone except car loan. w00t!

    Yah, I suck at this money stuff, I know. That's why I'm here.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. apprehensive of socializing
    By perSue in forum Support
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 09-10-2008, 11:36 AM
  2. Excuse me while I do a happy dance...
    By cheappearls in forum Success Stories
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 02-03-2007, 11:12 PM
  3. Excuse me...Snow???
    By AmyBoz in forum General Chat
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 04-05-2006, 01:28 PM
  4. Is socializing hard for you?
    By doodlebug in forum Family
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: 12-31-2003, 07:29 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •