How do you "Frugal" Grandparent a baby? (long)

[krbshappy71]

I'm gonna be a grandma!!!

Already the spending urges have sky-rocketed!! Last night I blew $50 on a new maternity outfit. I have beat myself up about it since then, and I just know this new baby is going to suck my credit card dry if I don't get a handle on myself.

Here's my story: Baby is my first grandbaby, my daughter is only 18, living at home. I am moving 1,500 miles away in June, baby is due in April so I will have 2 months with it before I move and that is IT.

How on earth can I be a Frugal Grandma and still feel like I am spoiling it?

Things I have planned so far: I am watching Freecycle like a hawk and put a shout-out asking for stuff but no one offered anything.

I am watching Free Craig's List like a hawk.

I will convert dog room (spare bedroom) into nursery for them over winter break (no spending just moving stuff and cleaning) to adjust the dogs much earlier before baby arrives.

I will quit the night part-time job to help with the baby. This sets me back financially about $1,000 before I move but I figured that was a fair price for baby-time before leaving it for who knows how long before I can visit again.

My insecurities that I'm battling:
her dad is sending her $ to blow, I have none to give her.
The baby's daddy's family is well off and will be spoiling the baby as well.
I am moving away from my first and only grandbaby!!

I feel small twinges of both competition and just plain wanting to join in the fun of spending! I feel "deprival" feelings that I cannot do the same. I feel guilt of moving away and feel the baby's daddy's family will have a much stronger bond than I could ever hope for.

How do you stick to Frugal as a grandparent? I feel even when I move I will want to ship presents all the time.

[MissSeetonFan]

As long as you stay a part of the baby's life, video Skype maybe, phone calls, cards, letters and what gifts you can afford, will make sure that baby knows you too. Send pictures of yourself. Make a scrapbook of you and your daughter and the rest of your family with explanations of who people are, plus stories, to leave with your daughter so she can share stories from your side of the family. And for a kid used to store bought toys and clothes all the time, a homemade gift can be very cool so what ever crafting skills you may have can come in handy that way.

We lived down the street from my mom's parents and 2-3 days away from my dad's. I didn't know his side as well as my mom's for obvious reasons, but I still loved them all because they did the same things listed above (minus Skype, of course) and stayed part of our lives.

Something else that may help out is building the relationship with the other grandparents. I was surprised to look at old photos of my mom's parents' 50th anniversary party to find my other grandparents in the photos. They made their trip to see us coincide with the party. My grandparents sent each other Christmas and birthday and anniversary cards. My own parents do as much of the same as possible with their children's in-laws.

[hlwilson07]

If you have a Kid to Kid or Once Upon a Child store in your area sign up for their emails. Most do "red line" sales a few times a year and you can sometimes walk out with tons of clothes for next to nothing. I usually buy up to a year ahead (when the deals are right) and my girls look just as fashionable as all the other kids at the park (we live in a pretty ritzy area)

Also - have you put any thought into a savings account for future baby stuff? or thought about using Upromise?

[krbshappy71]

We do have Once upon a child, some of their stuff seems pricey to me.

Found out today ITS A GIRL!!

But you know what, you have all helped me realize that regardless of the event, it is still under my control if I go out of budget. I cannot use events as excuses to totally blow my progress and goals.

I have ALWAYS done that. Always, always!!! It stops now. I will love and hold the baby for the two months that I am here, I will love it from a distance and hold it when I visit, it WILL know that I am a grandma. I can do this, I am going to stay on this forum to stay under control of my finances, I'm going to learn some crafting skills so I can send it cute homemade items, I am going to be a grandma regardless of the distance.

I love this forum. It helps me express my feelings and get feedback. It really helps me stay on track.

[wanderlusting]

I'm sort of on the other end...I have the first two grandchildren but their grandparents live in the U.S. and Portugal. No one has met them yet and they're 20 months old.

I tend to keep in touch more with my parents and one set of DH's grandparents because they're the ones that keep in touch- just wanting to know what the boys are up to and are willing to listen to me blather on about how they're so awesome.

DH's grandparents just sent a little care package- just dollar store type things. But they sent stuff they knew my boys would like- silly hats and a little Elmo doll. It maybe cost $10 to buy the items, but they knew what my boys liked because they take the time to "know" them through phone calls and e-mails.

[Libby]

krbs - was going to suggest you start another sinking fund....annual trip fund - not vacation. This way you will have money set aside for a trip back annual (or more often) to visit. AND hopefully DD and Baby's daddy will do the same so they can make an annual trip out to see you too. Both of you will have to stay in each other's home to help cut costs

I live 600+ km's from my god son. I used to go and visit monthly or every other month during his first year. Years 2 & 3 & 4 I have been absent HOWEVER there are photo's and videos that they show him to remind him of who I am. We do get to talk on the phone, though for a while there I had NO CLUE what he was trying to say And when he saw me recently, he knew EXACTLY who I was and we picked up on being best buddies like time had never passed. Bonuses for me, he's potty trained and speaks English now!

You WILL get through this and your granddaughter will know EXACTLY who you are *hugs* Congrats grannie!!

[Debbie-cat]

Congrats Granny!!! It will be difficult but there are ways ...as the OP's mentioned to help you stay active in the baby's life! A piece of advice.....buy used when you can!!! Babies grow so fast they never wear out their clothing....in the summer, hit yard sales! The best advice I can give your though....start a baby fund. Instead of buying that $20 outfit that she will only wear for a month, put it in the baby account. You will have something to help her when she is older and really needs it ......instead of another toy that will be easily forgotten. Hugs and enjoy the time with her!!

[Telephus44]

Just wanted to comment here as a mom - my in-laws buy way more stuff for my son than my parents do. Please don't get caught up in "well, they bought him 10 outfits, so I need to buy him 10 outfits" kind of stuff. I don't need tons of "stuff" cluttering up my house! It's more important to call on the phone and talk to your grandson, or send him cards, do things with him when you visit than worry about not keeping up in the stuff department.

One cool thing we did was to actually set up an email address for our son. He likes getting his own personal email from his grandmother.

[Uniwolf]

I think you will do fine. My dad and "mom" (stepmom) lived in Montana, and we lived in NC when my kids were small. They still knew and loved both of them. We called mom and daddy everyweek, usually on Sunday afternoon, each of the 3 kids spoke with them for as long as they wanted to. That was long before cell phones and unlimited anything. So trust me. There were months that our phone bill was astronomical. However, daddy usually sent money every couple of months to help with the phone bill. But still.
But it was a choice that we made, and worked around in our budget.
God Bless Krbs;
you will do fine. There are some really good ideas given here.

besides, if you have a fund set up, like oh I don't know, the spoil the hell out of my granddaughter fund

when you go to visit her, you will be able to do things that will be way memorable

[bookwormpeg]

Loving someone isn't measured on the amount you spend/give to them. Yes, you may be across the country but, you can send cards, letters, phone, packages (b'day, Christmas,). Congrats and good luck..

[sunshine]

I have 2 grand daughters in close proximity to me . . and one that lives 1/2 way across the country.

I'm actually closer to the one that lives farther away, because we all make more of an effort to connect. . . if that makes sense. We web chat, talk on the phone, etc. I shop garage sales and mail off small packages of my finds to her, etc.

[Spirit Deer]

Congrats, krbs!

I was going to say what Telephus did, that you should try to only buy what Baby actually NEEDS so as to avoid clutter that your daughter will then have to deal with later.

Buy secondhand, like everyone says.

Get yourself a Skype account and a webcam for both you and your daughter so as you chat you can actually see each other and Baby. Set up a private photo sharing account on Flickr or Webshots or one of those. You will want to share your experiences in your new life, too.

We get free long distance with our phone, sat TV, and internet bundle. Look for a deal that gives you free long distance, although Skype works pretty well and is free.

[shoiji]

Don't forget you are going to be fixing a bedroom for the nursery. That is BIG. If you do not have something like Skype look into it. See what you and your daughter can do to communicate when you do move.

There are also story books that you can record your voice on to read the story. Would be really fun keepsakes for your granddaughter. It is an exciting time for you. Do you enjoy crafts, since you can sew or knit blankets.

[krbshappy71]

Don't forget you are going to be fixing a bedroom for the nursery. That is BIG. If you do not have something like Skype look into it. See what you and your daughter can do to communicate when you do move.

There are also story books that you can record your voice on to read the story. Would be really fun keepsakes for your granddaughter. It is an exciting time for you. Do you enjoy crafts, since you can sew or knit blankets.

I just thought of the "read-record" books yesterday and I don't normally do crafts but now with Baby-on-Way I feel like all those homesteading-crafty-feelings are coming to the surface. I do know I could do a no-sew blanket for her, that would be super easy (fleece tying knots type).

I love the idea to have a Grandbaby Fund! Thank you all for the suggestion of that one! A guilt-free fund for those moments I really want to send a gift or grow the fund big and go visit them. It will be a 4-hour plane ride so I figure I'll be going their direction more than they would come see me. Cost is usually about $350, so if I saved up $500 each year that would cover a trip easily.

I can do this. I cannot use baby for an excuse. I cannot use baby for an excuse.

[marjorie]

So happy for you. More than anything, try to arrange things so that when you can see her you can spend lots of quality time with her. Takes much less $$ than effort! A trip to the park is always fun, and so is rolling in leaves, building a snow fort, baking cookies and storytime.