Almost Empty Nesters

**pkellyc** · 06-21-2005, 12:51 PM

DH and I are almost empty nesters. By that I mean I will have both girls in college in the fall. Not a weekend has rolled by when my dh will inquire 2 or 3 times "where did the girls go?". We took a week long vacation this spring without the kids (the first in 20 years) for the first few days it felt kind of strange and we were wishing the kids were with us. But by the middle of the week we began to enjoy ourselves. But vacations only come a couple times a year.
My question is this, what did everyone here do when the kids were gone? With 2 kids in school we do not have a lot of money. We seem to have so much time now that they are out of school and growing up. Hence the word "empty" I am sure. Any suggestions?

**Darlene** · 06-21-2005, 01:09 PM

I'm right there with you and wondering about the awkward emptyness. I know I'll deal but wow, what a change.
Just wanted to let you know I understand.

**cau** · 06-21-2005, 09:00 PM

it took a little while but we rediscovered ourselves,& became a couple again. It was great while it lasted but my mom got sick and moved in with us & 1 of my kids left an abusive marriage and moved back inwith her dd. After my mom died we helped with our gd. I have decieded we are care givers. Don't get me wrong we love watching & helping her grow to become an amazing adult. Sometimes I wonder what happened to "us" cau

**pkellyc** · 06-22-2005, 07:14 PM

I have done something my Dh isn't sure about. I bought a tent! (and a inflatable mattress) When the girls were small we went camping for a couple of years. So I decided to revist our past and have planned a camping weekend at the beach. The girls will not be going dd#1 is working and dd#2 has a going away party to attend.
Well, dh is not so happy about this but I am excited. Dh is not much of an outdoorsman but he will go hiking and he does like campfires. So were trying something different or something old depending on how you look at it. I think it's going to be fun especially because we are roughing it. He is just not so sure.

P.S. Cau, I think it's wonderful that you are helping to raise your grandaughter. I also took care of a parent for a couple of years till he passed away and I wouldn't do it any differently. In some ways it took away from my family but in other ways it enriched us all. Dh and I are also wondering what happened to the "us" but we are working on it.

**PrairieRose** · 06-22-2005, 11:44 PM

When our dk's left home we spent a lot of time just getting to know one another again too. I also spent some time soul searching, thinking about what I wanted to do with this time in my life as well. Gripey and I do a lot of things together now and seem to be closer than ever before. We talk about things that are important to us as opposed to talking about what's going on with the kids all of the time. We do more with our couple friends who are also empty nesters, we eat out a lot more (not so frugal!) and we take spur of the moment trips now.....that we never did even consider before. It's a really wonderful time if you can muddle through the emotional parts at first without going completely crazy.

Enjoy your space and your time.....it's amazing how you'll fill them both up before you know it. (I have three closets full of my clothes now

)

**cau** · 06-23-2005, 10:26 PM

PKELLYC, I agree taking care of my mom brought us closer & I am not sorry at all. She deserved the best care we could give her. She gave so much in her lifetime & I felt good making her days as comfortable as possible. Sometimes it seems we went to taking care of kids to care of older parents & now gks, that's what I meant. We are by nature care givers, I think now I am accepting myself as I am . cau

**pkellyc** · 06-28-2005, 11:51 AM

Cau,
I don't express myself well, I am sorry, I didn't think you were unhappy. My mother went from raising 5 children to helping raise my sisters 2. They brought more joy to her. Over the years she would go to work but she always would quit because her heart was with her children and granchildren. She was a super caregiver and you seem to be of the same heart. She was happy and those who came under her care loved her like no other.

**cau** · 06-28-2005, 08:58 PM

No offense taken, take the time to find what you both enjoy. It is amazing how you have forgotten what makes each one of you tick. We have found both our weakness & our strenghts. We have also found ways to enjoy & encourge each other. We are caretakers but we are OK with that.cau