Third agers--do you feel conflicted?

[cab54]

In 'the day' (my time of raising kids, and keeping a house, and in the earlier years--working as a nurse) I was frantically busy. Weren't we all? I taxied kids (not just my own) and cleaned and cooked and picked kids up and dropped them off, and went to ENDLESS sporting events of my boys, took them to hockey practice at 10pm!, music lessons, school volunteered to the MAX, had kids in my pool all summer, and was cocoa and cookie mom on snow days all winter. My dh had his own business and I did EVERYTHING around here.

Now that I'm 53 and a SAHW and dh is retired, and kids are grown, I find myself conflicted between what I SHOULD be doing and what I WANT to do. I WANT to read and knit and quilt and take walks (casual strolls, not speed walks anymore, LOL!) and take life S-L-O-W-E-R. In short, I wanna RELAX after all of that

[cab54]

oops, I didn't finish! LOL!!

.......after all of those crazy years!

Yet I see some folks going through their 'well, now I am done raising the kids, I am going to accomplish THIS and THAT, and......they are just so darned ambitious! I mean things like going out and getting a degree or higher degree, getting a new career, working for charities.....

Makes me feel so lazy and goal-less. I feel like raising my kids WAS my purpose in life, and that I deserve a rest--a break! To do all of the things I never had time to do.

I DO take care part-time of my elderly father (clean and cook for hims some) and have PLENTY to do around here--have been organizing and de-cluttering. But I have no desire to re-invent myself right now, or 'get busy'.

Anyone else feel like this?

[mom2matty]

Well I'm 46 but I still have a teen at home (he is 14) so I am still busy that way. I am really looking forward to the day when I can just sit and read or putt around the house without someone wanting or needing something! Dh and I have talked a lot about what we are going to do when the kids are all out of the house but we haven't really made any big plans.

I agree with you, I feel like raising my kids has been my purpose and I am looking forward to taking a break and just taking time for me!

[stinkbug]

Hey Cab54, we have the same life!!!

I feel just like you do...however, I have a sister who is 5 years older than me who is on a mission to do everything and anything just to keep her life busy and *full*. She went back to school, works full time, goes to the gym, runs marathons, travels all over....and constantly tells me how boring my life is!
I am what I am. I'm happy. I like my life and the slower pace and time with dh. I don't need *excitement*, or to prove how great I can become. I am 49, she is 54...sometimes I can't believe we are even related.

[cab54]

stinkbug, see I was the oldest sister, but I fit SOOOO much into the child-rearing years, that I am SPENT. I have no desire to 'get it all in before I die'. I just want PEACE.

Besides taking care of my dad, DH is diabetic and practically disabled, so I have my hands more full than I EVER expected at this time of life-----already.

My mom has me help her with a little deep cleaning in the summer (she's not married to dad) and dh's parents are sick---anywho, I feel like my hands (and time) are full ENOUGH.

Any time I have left over, I wish I could NOT feel guilty because I'm not 'saving the world' (or something) with my spare time.

[C@rol]

Anyone else feel like this?

I feel so guilty sometimes and just like you feel that I
should be doing something more or what other people
would consider achieving more. Well...I have achieved
most of what I wanted to do. Be a good wife, good
mother, friend, daughter, sister and created a wonderful
home.

There have been times in my life where I worked two jobs,
ran my house, cooked, carpooled and on and on.

This is my time. And unless something unfortunate
happens, I'm going to enjoy it.

[forHISglory]

I've always stayed busy, it seems. When I retired from teaching a year ago, I thought that I would snuggle down with some good books and relax. That hasn't happened! And it's just as well. My personality has always been to just stay busy.

My sister is younger than I am, and she is type that does just relax. We are different, but that doesn't make one bad and one good. It's just the way we are.

So..... I would say if you feel like relaxing now, then by all means do so. And later if you have a mission to accomplish, then do it.

[PrairieRose]

I have a little bit of both. My life was like your's only I (for the most part) didn't have an outside job. All of my friends did, all of the kids classmates moms did so I was the class mom for 3 kids. Anyway, I also would like to have more time to putter around, read, relax, etc... but it seems that I'm always on the go. Gripey likes to take little trips (and I do too) so when he comes home and says let's go to so & so....I pack up and we're outta here. My dad lives in the same small town as us and since my mom died over a year ago, I've spent a goodly amount of time with/doing for him. In little bites it seems my time just gets away.....

I'm not feeling conflicted, won't let myself. This is my life. Mine. I'm gonna make the very best out of everyday, whether it's by sitting and reading all day or running off with Gripey. Don't let your sister or anyone guilt you on your choices. Enjoy your days. :hugs2:

[cissylu]

well I am retired!I`m 52 and have been retired 4 yrs. retired early because of health problem`s. I use to feel quilty some time. But not anymore! I raise 2 dgs and dh and dm . so I do as I please, I`ve earned it.

[cab54]

That's the thing. Like Prairie and cissylu, I take care of my dad (not in my home, but I clean for him and do some cooking for him) and DH is not all that well. His diabetes is taking him down fast as far as health issues. HE needs a lot of attention, also.

We've had MIL's dog now for months and our dog too. They have learned how to play us for attention and treats and yada-yada. They tag team us, LOL! I should say ME because DH often isn't feeling well and I do everything. Throw into the mix a few other aging parents and responsibilities and I'm TIRED!

I feel like what little time is left over for me should be MINE. But seems like everyone has me hopping and jumping from the time I get out of bed, till I fall back INTO it.

I guess this is more of a rant thread, than a what should I do thread, LOL! I guess I'm wishing I weren't so encumbered, so I COULD do what I wanted to all these years. Ah, well. Everyone is so used to me just picking up the slack, doing what THEY can't or won't do, BEING there for all of them............argh.

I guess the CONFLICT here is that my life is not my own. At all. I can't decide whether to just accept that for now, or be resentful. Sigh.

[escapethevillage]

Hi. I'm new here.

My name is Kim, I live in Phoenix, and I'm 44 years old.

Anyway, I still have a teenager at home, and I also look forward to the day that I am not taxiing her everywhere. I'm dreading/looking forward to her getting a driver's license.

I am actually tired of all of this. (parenting responsibilities) LOL. I'm ready to be free of the "lemme see what my dd has that weekend, and I will let you know" lifestyle.

So. That's my conflict.

[forHISglory]

Welcome, Kim!

[cab54]

Welcome, Kim! I can relate. BTDT. I miss my kids more every day, but I DON'T miss the taxi-ing and all of their friends in the house constantly making a mess.

[mombottoo]

I feel conflicted some of the time, between doing what I would like to do and doing for others. But, I am getting a whole lot better at saying no which in my opinion is a good thing.

[mhope]

well I am retired!I`m 52 and have been retired 4 yrs. retired early because of health problem`s. I use to feel quilty some time. But not anymore! I raise 2 dgs and dh and dm . so I do as I please, I`ve earned it.

I'm not retird yet but my sons ( they still live a home) and daughter are grow. I do as I please. I relax when not working , I can shop, travel etc. when I want to. I'm enjoying the time I can .