How Do You Create Your Guest List Errr...TRIM it?

[Libby]

I know there are several websites out there that state its more frugal to have only close family friends etc attend which helps you trim your budget...but how do you trim those that are family and their tag a longs that you're not really all that close with?

Rough Example:

You grew up with your cousin and used to visit with each other often throughout your childhood. Both of you grew up and went away to school at different locations. You've kept in touch via the family grapevine and see each other once every 2 yrs approx.

You know they're married and with kids. You're not really 'as close' anymore. The polite thing to do is invite the cousin & spouse but you don't want to invite the kids. You've never met them nor seen them nor got any announcement that they were born etc. Only had the hearsay.

How do you invite them and tell them their kids are not allowed while you're inviting others AND their kids - all w/o being rude and offending others.

I know this is the type of situation that starts family drama & rifts.

(Whats even funnier - I know how I'd answer this if it were someone else asking but now I'm under the spotlight! )

[jas]

Good luck with this one! Do they live close? When my nieces got married the invite to the reception said Adult reception. There were a few children there though. Out of town relatives with children not many though. And of course the close cousins and the young ones in the wedding. I think as the night went on parents set up sitters if they wanted to stay longer.

I would like to see how other handle this. When my nieces come for my ds wedding we want the little ones there as we don't get to see them often and there are not that many. Ds and fdil to not have many friends with kids as of yet.

[Michelle]

The guest list always seems to pose some kind of issue. Feelings get hurt, and it seems impossible to keep everyone happy. I don't have any advice for you because if you're inviting some children, it makes it harder to exclude others. Are your cousin's children younger than the other children you plan to invite? I was thinking that if they are, you could say that children over 10 were invited or something like that?

Here's an article that might be helpful to you:

Get a Handle on Your Guest List | Wedding Planning, Ideas & Etiquette | Bridal Guide Magazine

If you Google "wedding etiquette guest list", you'll find a lot more information as well.

HTH

[Libby]

Thanks for the article!

It IS hard to wean out your list. I'm of the mindset that I don't mind sharing the union with everyone but you're not going to freeload a fancy schmancy dinner & get drunk off of me mentality. Not sure if that's wrong though. The guest list - as of last night - is mostly non lushes but I have a feeling that the riff raff that will come with a family member could turn ugly...thats the problem. How do you decide to who invite and not invite? LOL

[justpeachy92]

If you are worried about having a bunch of drunks at your wedding, you coud skip the open bar. Alot of receptions we have been too are closed bar. With the only free alcohol being the glass of champagne (sp) provided for the best mans toast. As for the kids I would not feel hurt if the reception said no kids under a certain age. However, if this cousin is traveling a distance for the wedding I would feel bad about excluding her kids because finding childcare might be an issue, especially have all the local family members will be at the wedding.

[Lady_V]

What we did to avoid the tag-along kids... worded our invitation by saying "Adult Reception to immediately follow ceremony at.. blah blah" says nicely, leave them at home.

When it came time to draw up the guest list for our circus (err...wedding)... I had 11 people, that's it (HE had the other 139 or so )

I thought about who I spend my time with, who I would do anything for, and most importantly, who would be there for me if all hell broke loose and I needed help... THOSE people who would stand beside me in BAD times are the ones I invited.

[Libby]

I guess its true what they all say - you can't please everyone when planning an event. When it involves family, it makes it even harder :/

Keep the thoughts/suggestions coming! The more insight the better.