Who Plans The Wedding?

**Mrs K** · 03-16-2011, 09:41 PM

Libby: I totally understand your position and how hard it can be. Have you had a totally upfront talk with dad about how you feel about things? I know my family is open for discussion, so I felt comfortable telling them upfront what or how things were.
Maybe you could offer him a compromise? So he would feel considered but you wouldn't get something you absolutely don't want.

**ladykemma2** · 03-16-2011, 09:51 PM

favors and limos are unnecessary. favors end up in the landfill.

**mndtrp** · 03-16-2011, 10:52 PM

Originally Posted by ladykemma2

favors and limos are unnecessary. favors end up in the landfill.

Unless they are yummy.

Forget the fancy packaging.

**greekislandgirl** · 03-17-2011, 05:55 AM

My husband and I eloped but are planning a "real wedding" (whatever that means) with reception for next summer. Our parents will be there. They will not be "inviting" anyone themselves. Our guest list is 100% up to us and we will not be entertaining suggestions from anybody about whom to add. We will be paying and planning everything. That said, I will not tell my parents what to wear or that they have to do x,y,z.

If the "traditions" are things you hadn't considered but now, upon consideration, realize you really want to do - definitely do - but if they are things you are only including to avoid hurting someone's feelings, personally that's where I'd draw the line.

**FrabjousDay** · 03-17-2011, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by ladykemma2

favors end up in the landfill.

Not necessarily. We had beautiful fresh fruit centerpieces at the tables, and as favors at each place setting. It was wonderful to see our guests happily scoop up their favors and dismantle the centerpieces before heading home. The whole pineapples were especially coveted. It was fun.

**Libby** · 03-17-2011, 02:41 PM

Originally Posted by Mrs K

Libby: I totally understand your position and how hard it can be. Have you had a totally upfront talk with dad about how you feel about things? I know my family is open for discussion, so I felt comfortable telling them upfront what or how things were.
Maybe you could offer him a compromise? So he would feel considered but you wouldn't get something you absolutely don't want.

I think the extra's that he wants for us - I'm not sure if its really 'tradition' but more of things he wants for his little girl & last child getting married etc OR if he's feeling guilty b/c my mother isn't with us anymore to help me go through the planning process so he's trying to cover both roles? (And I know if my mom was still with us, this wouldn't be 'my' wedding

)

The only real compromise is us adding the favours (wedding cookeis/pastries) b/c he's very adamant on us giving them. We figured if its that important, we could swing it for him. We've explained why we're not going to have 2 limo's and 2 hotel rooms and he says he's OK with it but I think he's sees our point, its extra wasted money in our case.

The 2nd reception/dinner banquet was our idea b/c everyone we've invited to the wedding is very close family/friends that we wanted to spend time with and catch up plus we would all need to eat dinner. The so called upgrade to a 'wedding banquet' (though its not really) was for dad, I guess this falls along the lines of tradition plus its like a 'send off' to make our union official?

The Chinese attire was our decision and to be honest, its looking to be more cost efficient vs the white dress and a tux/suit. If they're custom made, they won't need alterations right? Its like a bonus for us

I guess I just found it odd that my dad didn't suggest things that he'd like us to do but rather demanded and stated we flat out needed to do them for our wedding. My dad's a man of very few words so when he speaks, its best for us to listen however when he turns into a bridezilla - its kinda scary. I just dont know how to handle the outbursts when they arise, he's the one with the 'wants' and I feel like a parent constantly having to say 'No'. Its just odd.

**Sophia** · 03-17-2011, 03:17 PM

My dh and I planned our wedding and paid for most of it. My parents did buy my dress. I had bought material to have a dress made and the lady made a mess of it. It was so big on me. I told my mom that dh was going to look better than me. She bought me a dress. The dress cost about 129.00. Dh's tux was free. they had sent it to indiana by mistake. They flew it to chattanooga TN and someone from the Bridal shop drove to get it. Dh got it 30 min before the wedding. His aunt who made cakes did our's as a wedding gifts. Our honeymoon was even a gift from his boss at the time. A week at his condo in St. Augustine FL.on Anastiasia Island. We loved it. TC

**MsMarieH** · 03-17-2011, 05:09 PM

I planned ours (20 years ago). We paid for it on our own. My hubby was in the Navy out to sea until a week before the wedding. This was during the first go around of the Persian Gulf War. I even had to go to pre-cana counseling alone (*that* was fun LOL). His only words were: don't let my mom bulldoze you. Whatever you want, I will support. In fact, his mom had very few things that she really wanted (and fortunately we get along great), one of which was serving wine at the tables, which his parents paid for. My mother offered to buy us a ladder so we could elope (which is how she got married 45 years earlier!). Nobody tried to make me do anything I didn't want (and I wouldn't have let them anyway). Was a really nice day, low key and casual with a late morning wedding and an early afternoon reception.

-Spent way too much money on the dress, even though it was beautiful. If I had known then about dress rental places existing like tux rental places, I would probably have done that.
-MIL worked at a print shop and donated our invitations.
-DH rented a tux
-Had wedding at church. Was using reception hotel's limo to transport us back (except they apparently forgot about us! LOL so I ended up just riding back to our reception with family members)
-Had a small rehearsal dinner with mostly just very close family and a few friends.
-Cake from a small bakery $75 - it was FABULOUS!!!! Three tiered layers with top layer being all chocolate, middle layer chocolate / yellow mixed and bottom layer yellow with strawberries
-Bridesmaid dresses on sale for $60 from JC Penney and they were beautiful! Navy blue satin, knee length - great holiday party dresses.
-I splurged on the photographer and was so glad I did. Had several friends marry in the year or two before us and some of their pictures were horrificly bad.
-DJ gave us a bargain - friend of a friend
-Did my own hair and makeup (1/2 hour before ceremony, AFTER picking up my dress *that* morning - long funny story)

-Hired a temp to arrange flowers. My sister worked for a wholesale floral supplier and donated the flowers as her gift.
-used my DU's church/pastor

I think we spent less than $2,500 all told (and almost half of that was the dress).

Some ideas to include your father a little more - perhaps ask him to be in charge of the guest book? Have him go around with a video camera asking the guests to record special greetings?

**Lori63** · 03-17-2011, 05:41 PM

1) My son is getting married in Oct. He told heis bride (when she asked) that he wanted to be involved, but confessed to me yesterday that he really couldn't care less.
2) My BF is getting married in June. She and I and another friend have planned the whole thing-hubby doesn't care (of course, being in Afghanistan might have had something to do with it, but I doubt it)

**Jayceef** · 03-18-2011, 05:02 AM

When I got married both sets of parents helped pay certain things. I still ended up paying quite a bit out of pocket for stupid frivolous things that could have been avoided. Do what you are comfortable with. Sorry but people forget about things like favors after the wedding is over.