Bizarre wedding invitation

**Hannah** · 06-08-2004, 08:21 AM

What do you ladies think about this? My husband plays in a band and one of the band members daughter is getting married. I've been introduced to her and never had a conversation with her. There are two questions I have. 1. We have been invited to a jack and jill and the band will be playing so we won't be able to decline, the mother is asking for money and money is very short right now. How much money do you think is appropriate? 2. We have been asked to the wedding also, not the ceremony or dinner reception but after that to the dance. This is held at a expensive 5 star county inn. I feel uncomfortable about this since we really don't know the girl and I feel somewhat used. What kind of gift do you think is appropriate. The family has a great deal of money and we are not as comfortable financially as we appear. The sad thing is this girl did not keep in touch with her girlfriends when she got involved with this man, she is 21 and he is 28 and the wedding guests are relatives and her parents friends. Her mother is her maid of honour. First time I've heard of that!!

**SusieJD** · 06-08-2004, 08:28 AM

If you don't know the girl, I don't think that you should feel obligated to attend. By inviting you just to the dance, it sounds like she's fulfilling an obligation to the band members.

Me, I wouldn't attend.

Susie in MN

**Heather** · 06-08-2004, 08:44 AM

Hi Hannah!

First I wouldn't feel obligated in the least to attend the dance, if you would like you could mail a card (just a card

, no $$) For the Jack and Jill, I know around here there is usually a wrapped box where "donations" can be made when you go in, cash/no card, you could put in an envelope whatever you feel comfortable with, no need to sign your name.

I honestly think all the festivites surrounding a wedding are getting out of hand. Showers are lovely for the bride but even them I find people are giving what I would consider a wedding gift. Jack and Jill's were to replace a stag and now I see around here, they are having Jack and Jill's (raising lots of money), have a bunch of showers AND a stag. There was a couple that just got married here a few weekends ago and between the stag and Jack and Jill they received $8,000.00!

**Dixie** · 06-08-2004, 12:15 PM

Originally posted by Hannah
the mother is asking for money

Tacky, tacky, tacky!
I have no advice, but I wouldn't give more than I could comfortably give.

**5bRATSmom** · 06-08-2004, 07:33 PM

asking for money??? I have never heard of that. Whats a jack and jill.... like a couples shower? if thats the case, tell mumsie dearest that you have already picked up a gift.... whats a great gift you ask? (ok, so you didnt ask, but I will tell you anyways

) a garden hose and a sprayer or set of lawnchairs or a cooler. You would be suprized that people just dont have these items when first starting out.... Plus, they are relatively inexpensive if purchesed at walmart or kmart....

You cant attend the wedding, but will be attending the dance.... dont bring a gift then. Perhaps a card.... maybe some cash.... Thats tacky tho, invited to only one.... Im willing to bet they have all sorts of tacky ways to grope money out of the peoples pockets at the dance as well.... (I find extremely tacky and refused to have them at my wedding. )

as for the mother being the matron of honor... I can see it, I have been to a wedding where the best man was the grooms dad. He had a terrific relationship with his dad, and it got better as they aged. However, if its becouse of lack of friends.... another story.

**Katybird** · 06-09-2004, 11:10 AM

I would not worry about giving a gift at all. You don't know the bride or groom and if your DH is playing in the band (for free I am assuming) then I would just let that be the gift. He is taking a time that he could be doing something he wanted to and playing for the wedding so I think his time and effort are gift enough.

**Dixie** · 06-09-2004, 11:20 AM

Originally posted by Katybird
I would not worry about giving a gift at all. You don't know the bride or groom and if your DH is playing in the band (for free I am assuming) then I would just let that be the gift. He is taking a time that he could be doing something he wanted to and playing for the wedding so I think his time and effort are gift enough.

I agree!

**slowtypinwoman** · 06-09-2004, 05:22 PM

I find it appaling that a person would tell you what giftto bring to a party. To be registared someplace is one thing, but to inform people what to bring. OY VEY!