Another Wedding Question?

**Holly** · 02-20-2008, 08:42 AM

What do you think about people asking you to bring a dish to pass
for the bridal shower or wedding?

Have friends who do this for everything from grad parties to
their kids weddings.

I feel this is very wrong and tacky..

I know we'll do all of our own and not ask any guest to supply free food.

**AmyMCGS** · 02-20-2008, 08:56 AM

In my family, asking a guest to bring food would be wrong. Some of my elderly aunts would be completely appalled.

However, in DH's family, it might not be that big of a deal-- they are much more casual about that sort of thing.

**RABBIT** · 02-20-2008, 09:06 AM

My opinion is that guests are already bringing a present so they shouldn't be expected to bring a dish also. If someone offered to help out with a dish or drinks that is different but guests should not be asked. Just my two cents.

**Hannahs mom** · 02-20-2008, 09:25 AM

I just finished reading about this in some frugal book (TWG maybe?). It suggested that if guests are expected to bring food that should be considered their gift to the couple. Honestly, I would have been TICKED if someone brought food to my reception and not a gift. New couples need the help of their friends and family when they are setting up their own homes. I think that this is just as tacky as getting married at a funeral home!!!

**Holly** · 02-20-2008, 09:39 AM

This is just it. They expect a gift, and then she tells me bring my pasta salad.
My pasta salad is expensive to make.
I put everything but the kitchen sink in it.
(I won't be for this one..)
They will be getting very very basic pasta salad.

**FreesiaE** · 02-20-2008, 09:42 AM

I'm not really that offended if it would be a casual type backyard affair. I mean, I can't make a roast beef and carve it up under the heat lamp for everyone, but if they said "if last names A-D bring a veggie, D-L a side dish, etc" and they provided the big stuff, cool. I think it sounds like fun, and you can get a lot of really nice variety. Some elderly people may not be able to provide a $100 china set, but can make up a mean mac & cheese that is made with a ton of love. Obviously only those who live in the direct area can really contribute but why not? We take food to church functions and I don't feel bad about.

**lgw** · 02-20-2008, 10:08 AM

For me, it depends on the social norms of the group. For example, DH's family always has potluck parties -- Xmas, birthdays, etc. They are so frequent that the potluck contributions on their own have become traditional family favorites. It would be strange for us to *not* bring our traditional dish. On the other hand, if I was invited to a bridal shower with people I really didn't know, I'd find it strange to be requested to bring a dish and a gift.

**annymoll** · 02-20-2008, 10:24 AM

Depending on the type of wedding, I would not be offended.You must make a mean pasta salad.Tell her that dish is reserved for your catered parties- give her your menu and price list.(If it was a dear friend, I would make it for her .I take it this is not.) Just take whatever dish suits you and the budget.

**pkellyc** · 02-20-2008, 11:39 AM

If they can not afford to supply the food, I am perfectly willing to bring a dish.

**Holly** · 02-20-2008, 11:49 AM

Thats just it. She's knows it a main dish of our catered parties.
They also want Doug to do his BBQ . Thats fine but they think if they get the chicken he will do it for free. Not going to happen.

**FreesiaE** · 02-20-2008, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by Holly

Thats just it. She's knows it a main dish of our catered parties.
They also want Doug to do his BBQ . Thats fine but they think if they get the chicken he will do it for free. Not going to happen.

ok, this is different from what I was thinking. I was thinking it was more like a 9x12 dish size of something, or 2 dozen rolls; like a potluck--not a enough to serve the entire wedding for free. No, if you give them that make that your wedding gift to them.

**Holly** · 02-20-2008, 12:14 PM

I'm just fit to be tied because they expect a gift to.
Their dd gets married next year and I can already hear it comming ( again ).

They are inviting people that don't even know the bride and have only seen the groom once or twice. They think of them as family (?) They expect a dish from these people also.
I am really trying to get it in her head that its not proper..

**leezza** · 02-20-2008, 01:46 PM

Holly,

I don't blame you for being pissed.....I think what you are disscribing in this situation is just wrong on so many levels.

*First off this person knows you do this catering for a living and catering is usually not cheap items.....I think you should tell this person, nope sorry this is an expensive item and I am not going to do this for free.......This whole things smacks of someone being CHEAP not frugal......If I was you I would also have hurt feelings because this person is trying to take advantage of you.

*Just say NO

*You owe this person nothing, call and make something up and don't attend....send your RSVP and tell them you will not be attending.

JMHO,
leezza

**Telephus44** · 02-20-2008, 01:57 PM

I think that to ask someone to bring a dish for 100 people plus a gift is a bit out of line. If you want to give food for the wedding or shower as a gift, I wouldn't think it was wrong at all.

I also wouldn't be offended if it was a smaller close group of people - we did this for our son's first birthday, it was 10 people and everyone brought a few things, we did provide some of the food ourselves, too. And, we also specified no gifts on the invitation, too.

I think most of it would be the size of the group and how close you are to them. I can't imagine turning down my family if my mom asked me to make a dish for Christmas, but I would be a bit upset if a women that worked in my office asked me to bring enough pasta salad to feed her 100 wedding guests.

**Holly** · 02-20-2008, 02:10 PM

I have decided to take a small dish of pasta salad to each the
shower and the wedding ( small not huge like they want )
It will not have 3 different cheeses and all the other stuff I use in my
business.
I will not be taking one to the baby shower in June.
( For that they are getting 3 packs of cloth diapers like it or not )
She doesn't work and he works MacDonald's so they can't afford disposable ones.

Thanks everyone