I've decided to go back to work, but it's complicated.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 01-07-2012, 01:58 PM

When I was younger and life wasn't so complicated, I found it really easy to go to work. This was back when DS13 was a tiny thing and a lot easier to manage.

But now, speed up to 13 years later and it's a mess.

He's special needs, which means it's a lot harder for me to go to work considering his behaviors. I've spoken to our case worker, who directed me to speak to day cares independently and find out which ones will take him.

I'm scared, though.

Why? Because if I go back to work full-time and he has episodes at day care, it could get him kicked out. I'd be extremely disappointed if this were to happen because I've been waiting a very, very long time for the right time to go back to work.

DS8 would be easy to deal with as far as day care goes and in four years, he wouldn't need it anymore. But, I don't want to wait four years. I want to go back as soon as possible.

So, how does one deal with the prospect of having a special needs child in a daycare setting?

**Lady_V** · 01-07-2012, 02:13 PM

What about private in-home... yours or theirs? Or, a mother of a SN, or even a college kid specializing in SpEd, Psych, Edu, or Dev. Dis? You would only need it for the after-school hours, correct? Also, you may want to ask at your sons school if they can recommend someone - maybe there is someone on their subs list that isn't getting much work.

**mauimagic** · 01-07-2012, 02:20 PM

Good for you - reaady to move forward - and it would be for both you and your sons. Does Canada have anything like respite care or personal assistance for families of children with special needs?

Finding the right situation is the critical thing - as we all know. Do you have documentation for a caregiver as to possible triggers to such behavior? Is their a plan in place as to what to do when there is an episode - like step by step?

Any possibility of your getting a job during school hours? What about a night job?

Just throwing things out for you to think about. It is of course doable, just requires planning and flexibility. Please let us know how the process is going - so we can both support you and possibly add some ideas.

**alotofgooddeals** · 01-07-2012, 02:38 PM

occur...
I work with special needs children everday however they are younger. Our preschool takes children that have been kicked out of other programs...that is not an option for us....we deal with the behaviors that may arise...some days are very very hard and i have the scars to prove it but then there are days it is so rewarding to see how far they have come....so i guess the point i am trying to make is....you will need to find a program that deals with these types of behaviors that you are talking about so that there will be no way he can be kicked out. That way you wont have the added stress of not knowing from day to day...good luck to you in your venture...great job!

**MomToTwoBoys** · 01-07-2012, 03:47 PM

Originally Posted by Lady_V

What about private in-home... yours or theirs? Or, a mother of a SN, or even a college kid specializing in SpEd, Psych, Edu, or Dev. Dis? You would only need it for the after-school hours, correct? Also, you may want to ask at your sons school if they can recommend someone - maybe there is someone on their subs list that isn't getting much work.

DS goes back to school Monday. I can send a letter with him, asking the teachers if they know of anyone or even asking the parents of the kids in his class who they use for daycare. He's in junior high school, so the 13 other kids in his class must have at least one family where both parents work. Thanks!

Originally Posted by mauimagic

Good for you - reaady to move forward - and it would be for both you and your sons. Does Canada have anything like respite care or personal assistance for families of children with special needs?

Finding the right situation is the critical thing - as we all know. Do you have documentation for a caregiver as to possible triggers to such behavior? Is their a plan in place as to what to do when there is an episode - like step by step?

Any possibility of your getting a job during school hours? What about a night job?

Just throwing things out for you to think about. It is of course doable, just requires planning and flexibility. Please let us know how the process is going - so we can both support you and possibly add some ideas.

They have respite care, which I could take advantage of. I'll have to look more into it. I have a little while yet before I can get my documentation together to start work anyways.

The case worker that we have for Matthew referred him to the YWCA for behavioral issues, so I can ask them as well. His case worker is actually through a program called Family Services for Children with Disabilities, which helps families with everything including setting up daycare. She's actually the one person that recommended the method of calling around to daycares and finding out what one would take Matthew.

The issue with him is that his behavioral outbursts and such are sporadic, so they can happen at any time. We do have ways to calm him down and such and I can put those into an action plan for anyone taking care of him.

Originally Posted by alotofgooddeals

occur...
I work with special needs children everday however they are younger. Our preschool takes children that have been kicked out of other programs...that is not an option for us....we deal with the behaviors that may arise...some days are very very hard and i have the scars to prove it but then there are days it is so rewarding to see how far they have come....so i guess the point i am trying to make is....you will need to find a program that deals with these types of behaviors that you are talking about so that there will be no way he can be kicked out. That way you wont have the added stress of not knowing from day to day...good luck to you in your venture...great job!

It's very comforting to know someone out there deals with special needs children and has a great way of explaining it to me. Thank you so much for your insight and I'll definitely take this into consideration.

I had thought about part-time while the kids were at school, which might be a good way to start. But if the hours were when the kids were out of school, it might not be so great. Ideally, I wanted to go back to working a 40 hour week and figured that I'd come up with an action plan in case that was easier than trying to do it part-time.

The kids both get out of school earlier on Thursdays than the rest of the days, but they're in school by at least 8:30 and off of school by at least 4pm. I could always get a job at the mall working something like 9am to 3pm, which would give me time to come home. But, I'm looking at it wages wise also and it would have to be worth it for me to have enough money to cover their vacation days and summer vacation when they aren't in school.

**Lady_V** · 01-07-2012, 04:12 PM

Here's another thought... work IN the school. I'm not sure what line of work you are looking for, but a cafeteria worker follows the same schedule as the rest of the school - vacations, snow days, early releases etc.

**mystypooh** · 01-07-2012, 05:03 PM

Originally Posted by MomToTwoBoys

When I was younger and life wasn't so complicated, I found it really easy to go to work. This was back when DS13 was a tiny thing and a lot easier to manage.

But now, speed up to 13 years later and it's a mess.

He's special needs, which means it's a lot harder for me to go to work considering his behaviors. I've spoken to our case worker, who directed me to speak to day cares independently and find out which ones will take him.

I'm scared, though.

Why? Because if I go back to work full-time and he has episodes at day care, it could get him kicked out. I'd be extremely disappointed if this were to happen because I've been waiting a very, very long time for the right time to go back to work.

DS8 would be easy to deal with as far as day care goes and in four years, he wouldn't need it anymore. But, I don't want to wait four years. I want to go back as soon as possible.

So, how does one deal with the prospect of having a special needs child in a daycare setting?

I've gone through the exact same thing as you. We've debated and debated over the years on what the best thing to do is. At my DD's school they've threatened to stick a cot in the principal's office since I'm there so much. They're always calling me to come get her or to come calm her down. I'm worried about trying to hold a job down, deal with DD and the school since there are times they ask me to bring her home.

I used to work full time and drive the kids an hour to the babysitters then run to work and then pick them up, etc....it took a toll on me and at my job. Either the babysitter couldn't watch them or handle her so I'd have to stay home. Then when DD got a little bigger and her actions got bigger (meltdowns) nobody could handle her. So we made the leap for me to stay at home with them. BUT it would be super nice to go back to work. Hubby works an hour away and he doesn't get home until....8-9 at night, leaves at 6 a.m. There isn't family or friends to help so we feel a little stuck. Feels like there's not many options.

Needless to say it would be super scary to make that final decision on going back to work. In whatever you decide I wish you the best of luck!!!

**MomToTwoBoys** · 01-07-2012, 06:32 PM

Originally Posted by Lady_V

Here's another thought... work IN the school. I'm not sure what line of work you are looking for, but a cafeteria worker follows the same schedule as the rest of the school - vacations, snow days, early releases etc.

I'm not even sure if they have a cafeteria at his school. He eats his lunch separate from the rest of the school, which means that he doesn't follow the allergy rules.

**alotofgooddeals** · 01-07-2012, 06:47 PM

and i dont know the situation but why is he eating away from everyone else....Does he eat with other kids or just by himself....if it is by himself that truly breaks my heart...but again i dont know the situation.

Originally Posted by MomToTwoBoys

I'm not even sure if they have a cafeteria at his school. He eats his lunch separate from the rest of the school, which means that he doesn't follow the allergy rules.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 01-07-2012, 08:16 PM

Originally Posted by alotofgooddeals

and i dont know the situation but why is he eating away from everyone else....Does he eat with other kids or just by himself....if it is by himself that truly breaks my heart...but again i dont know the situation.

No, his whole class eats in their classroom. It's not that he eats by himself, it's just their setup with his special needs class.

**hmcart** · 01-07-2012, 09:09 PM

looks like lots of good advice so far!

**Buckeye5** · 01-08-2012, 09:06 AM

I am a worker in a county school that is just for children with disabilities, does your county provide a school like this, also, are you able to get a respite care provider? Ask your case worker about these things. thinking of you.

**alotofgooddeals** · 01-08-2012, 09:21 AM

I couldnt stop thinking about that last night and it was giving me anxiety to think he was eating by himself...thanks for clarifying!

Originally Posted by MomToTwoBoys

No, his whole class eats in their classroom. It's not that he eats by himself, it's just their setup with his special needs class.

**MomToTwoBoys** · 01-09-2012, 12:35 AM

Originally Posted by Buckeye5

I am a worker in a county school that is just for children with disabilities, does your county provide a school like this, also, are you able to get a respite care provider? Ask your case worker about these things. thinking of you.

Oh there's nothing like that here. They do have an entire program just for autistic kids and he has 13 other kids in his classroom. There's two teachers and four or five aids, plus his classroom is decked out with everything they need (including a room where he can detach himself from anything that's making him anxious or have a episode). I'm checking into respite care for at least after school. If I can get a job that starts at 9 and goes to about 5, it would be perfect.

I'll be contacting Autism Society of Edmonton and Autism Society of Canada for any respite care information that they may have.

This week was a pretty bad one here at the house and I didn't give much thought to anything else around going back to work. Too busy trying to figure out if I'm even staying here anymore come the next few months, but I'm giving it as much as I can until at least the end of the school year.

This is the respite care website from the Government of Alberta, so this is a start for us:

http://www.edmontonandareacfsa.gov.a...ublish/583.cfm

**Telephus44** · 01-09-2012, 10:11 AM

My son has autism, and we did have him in daycare when he was younger. We had better luck with a home daycare - the woman who watched him had training for early education and special education. She also had a son and wanted to stay home but needed the money, so she watched a few other children. It was an easier setting for him, and it was easier for her to deal with our son if something happened rather than a daycare center where a teacher has a lot more kids to keep track of.

In our state, they require home daycares to register with the state, so we were able to just get a list of the ones registered in our area and then we went and "interviewed" them. Not sure if there's a central listing or not where you live.