Foster Care....?????
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    Registered User mom23boyz's Avatar
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    Question Foster Care....?????

    Has anyone or does anyone do foster care? After careful research and condsideration DH and I have decided that a reversal and attempt at pregnancy is not the best option for us however foster care and possible adoption is! I have began looking locally here at the different agencies and options. I work at the local hospital here and was told by a nurse the best way to go would be directly through the state but I am not sure. Any help is appreciated.TIA

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    Registered User G'MaDebbie's Avatar
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    My husband and I just finished our last class last night to become foster parents here in Michigan, we will begin taking placements (children) the middle to the end of August. We have 5 children and 4 grandchildren, but we have no children together. We love children and right now there are almost 20,000 children in the state of Michigan in foster care. We are hoping to be able to adopt as well. There are many agencies that will allow you to foster with the option of adopting, you can choose the age range, sex, race and behavior of the children you wil be fostering. There are so many children that need people like us. Call Children's Protective Services in your area and ask them about fostering/adoption, I am more than sure they will help you.
    Let me know how it goes for you and what you decide....good luck to you!!

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    Registered User knitnmom's Avatar
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    When you're a foster family, are you also responsible for taking a child to court when it is necessary? I think that was the biggest draw back for me, thinking that we would get attached to a child we wanted to adopt, then having the biological family want the child back or something.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mom23boyz View Post
    Has anyone or does anyone do foster care? After careful research and condsideration DH and I have decided that a reversal and attempt at pregnancy is not the best option for us however foster care and possible adoption is! I have began looking locally here at the different agencies and options. I work at the local hospital here and was told by a nurse the best way to go would be directly through the state but I am not sure. Any help is appreciated.TIA

    I have two adopted children however, we didn't foster adopt. We discussed it but our first adoption sorta fell in our laps. I did notice from your post that you work at a hospital. We live in a town of about 50,000 and I know of several nurses that took babies home from our hospital. I also worked with a lady in a doctor's office who got to know the maternity staff and she took a baby home last year. These women just come in give birth and don't want the baby. Don't know how big your hospital is but it could be a thought!

    Stephanie

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    Registered User cmdarlin's Avatar
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    Good luck and Best Wishes! DH and I have been together 8 years and tried to have one of our own but no success. We both have children with our ex's but none together. We wanted to adopt or foster a child but with our current situation it is impossible. I have to be content with spoiling my Grandson.

    Debbie

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    Registered User Laurie in Bradenton's Avatar
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    Coming from the other end. Thank you!!! My DH spent much of his youth in foster homes in Va. A few were not good alot of violence but others were wonderful and he is still in contact with those folks 40 years later. For him when one of those pass its like he's lost a true parent. He has many fond memories of folks who took care of him as he grew up and helped him along the way to becoming the person he is today. There are not enought folks fostering. The most important thing to remember is to love this child for the time you have them. Weather its for one day or ten years. If your kind and loving you'll make a difference.

    Laurie in Bradenton

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    My husband & I are foster parents. We have 4 biological chidlren & 2 foster children @ the current time. We have been foster parents for the past 4 years & I love it. I will have to say that the biggest struggle for us so far is dealing with the biological parents. These parents are so ungrateful & they hate you because their children got taken away. The kids I have right now, I've had for 6mths & its been ok. But every case is different. I would possibly adopt, if the situation arrises. If you have any other questions plz message me & I owuld be glad to help you out in anyway possible.

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    Registered User fizzie's Avatar
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    We're licensed for foster care here in CA. We are in the (slow) process of adopting our son who was placed with us at birth and it has been absolutely wonderful! We also did plain ol' foster care (adoption not expected) for a toddler for a short while. It was really rewarding taking care of her and we were sad to see her go. Still, the experience was well worth the sadness of saying goodbye.

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    Registered User missmanny's Avatar
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    I work in Child protection and can tell you that while fostering is very reqarding it is also hard work, may of the kiddos have been put through the wringer and develop behavioural problems (this can start very earlu on - not just when they are teens)

    The parents are very hard to deal with as well - lets face it if they were normal and rational then they would still have their kids.

    I think that Fostering is an admirable thing to do - and the system is certainly crying out for more forster parents, if you are well prepared and sure you can cope - you will do really well and will love the experience.

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    [QUOTE=missmanny;967671]I
    The parents are very hard to deal with as well - lets face it if they were normal and rational then they would still have their kids.

    Miss Manny said it perfectly....the parents are VERY hard to deal with. We have been foster parents for 4 years. The parents feel threatened by you because you are able to care for their children, and they can't. Being a foster parent isn't for everyone....but its such a rewarding job

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    Registered User missmanny's Avatar
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    It's very easy for me to be judgemental about the parents of kids in care, generally speaking they are not bad people, they make bad choices and both socially and ecconomically they are a lot of time pre dispositioned to raising their kids they way they do.

    Its such a grey area, and I do'nt want to tar every parent with a child in care with the same brush, but most of our Foster carers tell us that they love the kids and would do anything for them, but find it very hard to cope with the parents as well as the kids after they have seen said parents.

    my advice is to read as much as you can, take any training that they throw at you and have an open heart and an open mind, if I wasn't soo busy in my job I would consider becomming a Foster Parent myself, I do think that the rewards far out way the negatives, but it isn't for every one.
    Last edited by missmanny; 07-30-2008 at 03:05 AM.

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    Registered User TheRootedNomad's Avatar
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    Missmanny said quite a bit of what I would say. I would like to add though that there are "state" foster care agencies you can go through and "private non-profit agencies". I would suggest looking into some of the private non-profit agencies. The state is usually overwhelmed and non-profits generally contract with the state and take help place the overflow. You will generally have better supports and training with a long standing well run non-profit as they generally have more resources than the state. Now, of coarse that's not true in every case but definately worth researching in your area.

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    FV Buddy aka Kellie Bob Jerseygirl's Avatar
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    We have been foster parents to 16 long term placements and about a dozen weekenders, we usually have 3-4 under the age of 5 in the house at once, some of ours have stayed up to 22 mos.
    We got into foster to adopt, it was terribly painful for us, the state would say "here, she should be adoptable in 6 mos.", we would agree, do everything we need to do and a few months later they would tell us, very coldly, the plan has changed to reunite with the birth parents, or after a year an uncle the child has never met steps forward etc. We just renewed our license but don't currently have a child in the house. We had our own baby last year, so adopting is still something we want to do, but it is no longer such a huge rush priority, now we can foster with more of a "let's do what we can for the time we have" approach.
    I don't want to turn you off, just realize the reality is that, at least here in NJ, the goal is always to reunite a biological family, and when that is not your family's goal it can seem like the whole world is working against you.
    My advice: Take detailed notes of all Dr. appointments, conversations with state workers, when visitation schedules are made ask "can I get that in writing", do not take anyone's word for anything, always ask "why is the child in service?" and avoid domestic violence cases whenever possible because if Dad is psychotic and beating on the family ... and never give the biological family your home phone number, full name etc or they can easily track down where you live, again, there is a reason these people have lost their children, even if they seem stable at one moment. Good luck, it can be very rewarding.

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    Before kids, I worked as a (mental health) therapist and worked a LOT with kids. Please keep in mind that this means that I have worked with the "hard core kids" (altho there have been some that I would take home in a heart beat). I've sat in a lot of court hearings. When looking at the foster to adopt thing keep in mind that most states WANT TO KEEP FAMILIES TOGETHER. So, they will give the family many chances to get their act together before they will terminate parental rights.

    Also, if you were to get older kids, I have discovered that foster parents are not always told about every issue that a child has or may have. Altho, physical impairments are difficult, the emotional/mental can be more exhausting and difficlut to get a hold of. So obviously the younger the child the less likely there has been damage done (not that removal from the home isn't damaging).

    Dh and I considered it when we weren't sure if we (I) could have kids. I still think about fostering but right now, I need to place my own kids at a higher priority and fear coming across some kids similar to the ones I worked with and the influence that they would have on our 4 yr old and 2 yr old. KWIM?

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    Quote Originally Posted by TheRootedNomad View Post
    Missmanny said quite a bit of what I would say. I would like to add though that there are "state" foster care agencies you can go through and "private non-profit agencies". I would suggest looking into some of the private non-profit agencies. The state is usually overwhelmed and non-profits generally contract with the state and take help place the overflow. You will generally have better supports and training with a long standing well run non-profit as they generally have more resources than the state. Now, of coarse that's not true in every case but definately worth researching in your area.
    Now the only thing about going through a private agency is, every placement of a child goes through your local dcs office. If the dcs office can't find a foster home for them, then they fax them over to another agency. The majority of the time when they fax kids over to another agency, they are behavior challenged, teenagers, fire starters, special needs, sexually active, etc. Its worth checking into, but I just wanted you to be aware that this is what I have been told my several casworkers since I've been fostering.

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