Sad, Angry & Proud

**Lady_V** · 04-04-2009, 11:57 PM

I am sad because today I witnessed something I thought I never would see.

I am angry because today I witnessed something I thought I never would see.

(backstory) I have raised DD to be proud of who she is and where she came from. Her 'neighborhood best friend' is a mixed race child, and for the most part, he has been a good kid. (She is just shy of 9, he is 7.5)

I have had my moments with his mother (drug addict, currently not using) but we have always been protective of the kids and tried to raise them to be colorblind.

(today) I let DD go out to play with the neighbor kids... popping out every once in a while to let them know I am keeping an eye on them without having a hover pattern.

While I was giving out koolaid, I heard her friend say to another boy "I want to kill some gooks, lets go over your house and play the tank game". I brushed it off thinking I misheard him... he's 7, and I know that's not a word used in his house. I went back in and the kids continued to play.

About an hour later, I had popped my head out the door to hear him screaming at my daughter... "Why don't you go back to Cambodia".

I don't know who ran faster... her coming home, or me getting outside. I could hear her crying. I took her inside the house and she ran in to the bathroom. I walked to the next building and yelled up to his mother that we needed to talk and an apology was owed. I told her what he said and she promised me she would take care of it.

Instead of coming over to apologize, I heard him with another neighbor (in my building) talking outside my door about how my DD was such a tattle (reminder: I heard him say it myself) and a few anti-Asian comments were said. The other boy is older and told him "Dude, that ain't cool... plus, if she hears you, she's not going to let you do the summer camp." I assume "she" is me because I do organize activities for the kids in the summer.

Sadly, I can not say I am shocked that someone said that to my DD. I am shocked that it came out of the mouth of her 7 year old best friend!

DD and I had a snuggle talk. I reminded her that some people say mean things no matter how nice you are to them.

She looked at me and said "Momma, I'm not going back to Cambodia. (he) said it because he was mad and mad people say really dumb things. Does he think I am going to swim back to Cambodia? I don't want to play with him again today, but I forgive him."

Forgive him? I am SO proud of her.

**LastDragonfly** · 04-05-2009, 12:23 AM

Ooof girl, I'm sorry...why are kids so mean? I swear I know my parents would have committed child abuse if I had ever been mean to anyone...

It is amazing what kids know and say these days.... I am sorry for her hurt, but so proud that she is truly the BETTER person. You have done a good job....you have taught her something that some people never learn.....forgiveness.... hugs to you both.

**McD** · 04-05-2009, 12:26 AM

What an amazing child you have V.

I am so verry sorry that your little one had to hear these hurtful comments from someone she thought was her best friend.

People suck, but at the age of 7, you have to wonder where he has heard it from. Parents suck.

And you did the absolute best thing you could do, I think.

**kmjincs** · 04-05-2009, 03:31 AM

Sounds like you hvae an amazing child is who is wise beyond her years.

**Luv2BeFrugal** · 04-05-2009, 04:03 AM

You have a wonderful daughter!! I'm so impressed! She sounds like a smart cookie with a loving heart!

**Dutchie** · 04-05-2009, 05:08 AM

Like everyone else has already said.
You have an amazing daughter.
You have every right to be VERY proud of her and at the same time
sad and angry by what happened.

This brought tears to my eyes.
How cruel some kids can be.

How are you going to handle this?
Are you going to say anything to this boy?

**rebecca** · 04-05-2009, 05:33 AM

You and your daughter are very amazing. Believe me this little boy heard this from his mother, sounds like she's a winner. Hopefully she stays clean and can raise her son the right way about different cultures!

**McD** · 04-05-2009, 09:48 AM

Just a thought, butI know you organize summer activities for the kids. Maybe you can do a cultural diversity craft with the kids?? Something that could help them learn to respect the culture of Cambodia while still having fun??

**Momto2Boyz** · 04-05-2009, 10:13 AM

I love Nichole's idea of doing something during the summer camp to promote learning about other cultures! I know my son (who is 7) loves doing that in school. They had a whole week where the school played a UN type thing, and each class was a different country. DS's class got Venezuela, and they study all kinds of different aspects about the country. DS just loved it...believe me when I say, I got tired of hearing every little detail about the country, but he was just so excited to be learning about how people live in different parts of the world, he couldn't stop talking about it!

Kids don't always get things from their parents, other friends, TV and other things are also factors. I think you have to remember that he is young, and doesn't understand how hurtful those types of things can be when said. It is a good opportunity for you to enlighten him, if his mother doesn't!

I remember when I was about that age, we had some neighbor kids who we played with all the time. Well, my brother and I learned that his dad's name was Dick. Well, anyhoo, you can believe that we made fun of him for it. Now, at that age...we didn't even know why his name was funny, but we knew it was a semi-naughty word (though didn't know what it meant) and we ran with it. I didn't realize until I got older, how mean it was. I don't know why we did it. We just did. Honestly, if I met those boys today...an apology for that would be the first thing to come out of my mouth!

**Megareader** · 04-05-2009, 11:56 AM

Where in the world did that little boy learn the name he called your dd??? My Dad was in WWII, and I know at that time that is what they called anyone who was Aisian. But that was in the 1940's. Does he have an older relative who might have been in that war? He learned the word from someone. Now he needs to learn not to call anyone anything other than their name...and so does whoever taught him that word.

**AmyBoz** · 04-05-2009, 03:04 PM

Ick. It makes me sick to think of him using that term. Where did he pick it up, I wonder.

Proud of your dd. She sounds like a great kid.

**butterflygreen** · 04-05-2009, 04:17 PM

I am so sorry she had to deal with that. She is so great that she was able to forgive him. she was so grown up about it. You should be so proud.

**Ceashels** · 04-05-2009, 07:52 PM

I went thru each of the emotions in your thread title. What tough lesson for her to experience and what a graceful way for a little girl to come thru it.

Kudos to your teachings and support of her.

**Lady_V** · 04-05-2009, 09:48 PM

Sometimes I need to know I am not alone in the way I feel.

My daughter is amazing... thank you for seeing in her what I see every day.

I like the idea of cultural diversity crafts. The children in "my block" are definitely a mini UN. DD is from Cambodia, 2 kids in my building are first generation Russian-American, the kids across from me represent India, #1 was born there, #2 was born here. 2 kids are first generation Armenian-Americans. A little girl and 'him' are both Irish/African-Americans. -- Maybe I can convince the parents of each group to cook up a cultural snack and have the kids talk about 'where they come from' and play a game from that country.

As to answer the 'where did he hear it'... he also lives with his pushing80 Grandmother. There is also another boy who comes to visit who is less than an ideal role model. I am starting to suspect his mother is using again. The same little lie-games are coming back to play.