Comment about "real" children

**tigo** · 09-15-2009, 09:06 AM

My mother, aunt and sister are in town for a visit. Already stressed out because mother has a tendency to be super negative. I can't stand being around her/it for very long and am super glad they leave tonight.
I have four kids who are not biologically mine. Two of them have had children. My mother kept making comments about how these babies are not my grandchildren because they didn't come from my "real" children. This po's me off to no end. I have tried to explain to her that having these kids for the bulk of their lives, living and caring for them day in and day out makes them my kids - official papers or no. She just tells me that it's stupid to sink money into kids and babies that aren't "mine" when I could give so much more to my "real" children and grandbaby.
Thanks for letting me rant.

**Greebo** · 09-15-2009, 09:40 AM

I'm an adopted child.

Your mother is a moron.

I'd say sorry, but I'm not.

**Rebookie** · 09-15-2009, 10:11 AM

You should tell her that you hope your "fake" kids like you better than her real kids do.

I know that doesn't help, but please know we are thinking of you!

**jas** · 09-15-2009, 10:11 AM

how heartless! It boggles my mind that a woman could say something like that.

**frugalwarrior** · 09-15-2009, 10:26 AM

Sometimes peoples opinions are just that. Opinions. Not based on any real fact. Just some stray thought that fell out of their head. If a stranger said it you would just say: What an idiot. It hurts because she's your mother. But being your mother doesn't make her perfect, just another person bumping along life saying things w/o stopping to realize the depths and ramifications of the verbal drool that falls out of her mouth. I would have to ask her if she considered at all how that might make you feel. No matter what her answer is you don't need to bother about it, her loss.

**Cricket1** · 09-15-2009, 02:13 PM

Are they not living and breathing? If yes, then those are REAL kids and they belong with you. Tell her to keep her opinions about it to herself or not to bother visiting again. I say this as I have two adopted children and if anyone ever said anything like that to me...that would be the end of that relationship. It's rude, ignorant, and you don't have to put up with it!

**jlaporte** · 09-15-2009, 02:38 PM

so wrong and un called for. u r old enoupg to make ur own decissions. love isnt blood thick. sometimes love is stronger when not yours. reguardless who is she to say what to do with ur love and affection,u r doing a good thing! keep it up. in the end u have more love and compassion and a larger family. way to go! put ur feet up and grab a cup of coffee and enjoy you!

**zakity** · 09-15-2009, 04:00 PM

I would turn to her and ask "if they aren't real, they must be imaginary and, if they are imaginary, how come other people can see them?"

I don't go for that real children thing. It is just so wrong on so many levels.

**Michelle** · 09-15-2009, 05:17 PM

That's terrible. I'm sure your children know how you feel about them. You've told your mom how you feel, so now it's time to just ignore the insensitive comments.

**calimomx2** · 09-15-2009, 05:33 PM

How mean and hurtful.

**joyofsix** · 09-15-2009, 06:52 PM

Gloriana people are stupid. My standard reply is that if I've wiped their butt and cleaned their nose that makes them 'mine'. I'd tell her it's nice to be able to pick some of your relatives.

**bonnotsm9** · 09-15-2009, 10:36 PM

If they are human, they are real. Just ignore your mom.

**Siebrie** · 09-16-2009, 06:22 AM

My sister is adopted and I sometimes get the same reaction. For instance last year at church:

Man: 'does that girl still live with your parents?'
Me: 'who? My sister?'
Man: 'no, that girl'
Me: 'my sister?'
Man: 'well, that brown girl'
Me: 'my sister'
Man: 'no, that girl they'd taken in'
Me: 'my sister'
Man: 'that Asian girl that came to live with them some years ago'
Me: 'my sister. She came 30 years ago, but she's now married, has a family of her own and no longer lives with our parents'
Man: '.....'

People!

**Greebo** · 09-16-2009, 07:11 AM

I was adopted at birth. I grew up knowing I was adopted. It was just a fact of life.

But I had friends who had a hard time understanding why I wouldn't care at all about my bio parents. It took them a long time to understand that just donating sperm or being an incubator doesn't automatically make you a parent to your kid.