Question for you, important to me.

**Jerseygirl** · 08-06-2003, 09:43 PM

The princess is not doing well with the theraputic visits with her birth parents. She is throwing huge tantrums at her school when the driver comes for her, freaks out when she as much as sees the bag I send with her, and the state is still planning on sending her back to them. The therapist told me today that Karla prefers to be on her lap rather than on her parents. The casemanager has denied all of this until today when she admitted to the teacher that my precious 1 year old screamed for the entire 45 minute ride to today's visit. The state wants to begin unsupervised visits soon, then overnights.
Karla has a state law guardian assigned to her-and 100 other kids- and she is not returning my calls. I'm thinking of hiring a lawyer for her. Obviously her rights are not being respected and it is killing me. What do you think? If I go through with this I am likely to be blacklisted from the state adoption program, but if I don't throw a big public fit for her and all the other littles that are going through this, I don't think I'll be able to live wwith myself.
I am really looking for your opinions here, it's a huge decision. Thanks----Kellie

**Darlene** · 08-06-2003, 10:01 PM

Kellie, follow your heart. I'll be thinking of you.

**AmyMCGS** · 08-06-2003, 10:04 PM

I agree.... follow your heart. You know this child and what she needs.

Are there child advocates in your court system? Here there are people whose job it is to go to court in cases like this, without the expense of hiring a lawyer.

Good luck!

**Darlene** · 08-06-2003, 10:08 PM

Another thought ...you've been working with the system for quite a while & you know how it works. If you think making a stand is the right thing to do then go for it. The case load that "guardian" has is way too much. You are this childs advocate...but you knew that when you took this on. May you find an answer that works for that child and you. Tough stuff & I wish you all good things.Your a special one of a kind lady.

**Missy** · 08-06-2003, 10:19 PM

I have no advise, but i have lots of

**mustang80** · 08-06-2003, 10:24 PM

Originally posted by Darlene
Another thought ...you've been working with the system for quite a while & you know how it works. If you think making a stand is the right thing to do then go for it. The case load that "guardian" has is way too much. You are this childs advocate...but you knew that when you took this on. May you find an answer that works for that child and you. Tough stuff & I wish you all good things.Your a special one of a kind lady.

Kellie, I agree completely with all of the above. You of all people know the state of the programs here in NJ. DYFS is in the news every other day. You have to fight for this little girl, no one else will, especially a case worker and/or state guardian that sees her as a number, not a person.

**Karla** · 08-06-2003, 10:25 PM

I would also say follow your heart....just do your best for this little one.

**simplemom** · 08-07-2003, 12:09 AM

I agree with everyone...follow your heart and do what you think you need to do. I'll be thinking about you.

**PrairieRose** · 08-07-2003, 12:39 AM

Kellie, I don't really have any advice but just wanted to add that it's a crying shame that the children have noone really watching out for what's best for them in the system. I can see how this would be the heartbreaking side of being a foster parent.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this, and I hate it for the baby.

**Katybird** · 08-07-2003, 01:36 AM

I agree with everything that has been said. You are this child's best advocate, you know what is best for her. Follow your heart.
I will be keeping you and the Princess in my prayers and thoughts.

**lucy979** · 08-07-2003, 03:40 AM

I agree with everyone else. Something has got to be done for this little girl.

**Lori Biever-Launder** · 08-07-2003, 04:49 AM

Throw a (legal) tantrum yourself! This poor kid is having her rights stomped on in the name of "biological parent's rights"! This is a load of fertilizer if you ask me. She obviously doesn't want to be there. Go get her and take her home with you where she belongs!

Rah rah, go get 'em, Kellie!

**aylasmommy** · 08-07-2003, 07:19 AM

lori took the words right out of my mouth

Kick and scream right along with her...that's what I would do. (well in a proverbial way of course)

**Jeanna** · 08-07-2003, 07:58 AM

I agree with everyone else. Just get ready for the backlash. I friend of mine had to do the samething and before it was over (she had just gotten her teaching degree) she had even been blacklisted from the school system. This is not hear say I was working there at the time.
With all that said I still say go for it. A little one like that need protection and you may be her only hope.

**heavensent_7** · 08-07-2003, 09:55 AM

I don't know what your laws are there? But you know in your heart that you can't let this go by, you have already said as much.

As it will obviously have it's consequences I think you are very courageous and loving to be able to do what is 'right'.

Your little girl obviously needs somebody in her corner as the authorities don't seem concerned that she hates the company of her parents! For a child so young to be so distressed she needs somebody that can keep her away and give her the security that she will need.

Yes indeed follow your heart! And LOTS of

and

as you follow that path.

I apauled you as a wonderful mother!