Adopting as a single parent
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  1. #1

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    Default Adopting as a single parent

    I am not getting any younger (30 next year) and don't seem to be able to find a mate/SO.

    Also I'm not able to have biological children so even if I was married would have to adopt.

    I am seriously considering adopting as a single parent and am wondering if anyone else has done it?

    Angharad

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    pip
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    I haven't, but I have a good friend who is considering it. I'd also like to hear from other people's experiences.

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    Thing is I really love kids and currently work in a school for troubled teenage boys. By the time we get them (age 13) its too late to do much more than teach them good coping skills. Most of them have been so scarred that they find it impossible to learn to trust /love etc.

    I just learned that there is a federal law that limits the amount of time kids can spend in foster care before becoming eligible for adoption and that most states violate that law.

    I don't think I would adopt an infant as they are easier to place than an older child but a toddler through about 7 years old should still be young enough that some of the bad stuff can be undone.

    Angharad

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    My friend is thinking about adopting one of the state's waiting children. I think she's considering a girl around 13 years old. I'm a little apprehensive for her. I know she has a lot to give and she is a wonderful person, but I'm scared for her, kwim?

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    Extreme amounts of patience will be key. And understanding that at that age it is already too late to change certain things permanently.

    The human spirit is resiliant and will blossom when given the chance but those who are emotionally scarred often lose many other things as well including cognitive abilities.

    Many of the boys I work with would like to learn to trust again but are unable to get beyond a certain point (understandable if as in one case your one mother shot you up with heroin to test a new batch).

    One of the things that seems to help the most is my dog. He is a Newfoundland/ Border Collie mix very calm and very bright. In many cases he is the first spirit ever to accept these boys without reservation and they are then able to come to trust me because of the dog.

    I have also found that being absolutely honest is VERY important. If I snap because I'm in a bad mood I own up to it etc.

    Very good luck to your friend and urge her to join or form a support group because she will need it.

    Angharad

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    Thanks for the advice.

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    I have not adopted but have had friends that have. Some countries are not very honest in medical records. My friends adopted a girl from Russia and was given an "all clear" bill of health. Months after the adoption(the child was 3), medical records came in the mail. "by the way, signs of autism, etc..." sure enough, the child has that among other mental problems. The child is now 10 and has been in therapy since coming to the U.S. You just need to be careful and REALLY know what you are getting into. Children with autism are wonderful, but it helps to know about it so you can understand what is going on...
    2 Years later, my same friends adopted another girl from Bulgaria...same scenario...

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