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The Consequences of Believing in the Entitlement Fairy Tale

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by , 02-05-2009 at 02:53 PM (4281 Views)
It seems like every day I hear someone talking about what they “deserve.”

Some examples:

“I work hard, so I deserve a nice vacation.”

“The kids are only young once, they deserve the best of everything.”

“I’ve worked all my life, so I deserve to retire in comfort.”

“I’ve paid my dues so I deserve a promotion/raise.”

“I’ve never had a nice car, so this time I deserve a convertible sports car.”

The problem is, almost all of these statements end with some variation of, “But I can’t afford it so I’ll have to go into debt to have it.” What these people don’t seem to understand is that none of us “deserve” anything. Nothing irritates me more than hearing someone talk about how they can barely afford food, are making only the minimum payments on large debt balances, and have no savings, yet they are planning a very expensive vacation because, “I work so hard, I deserve a break.” It’s like a kid who feels like he “deserves” to have the same toy as the neighbor’s kid, simply because the other kid has it.

Everything that falls into the, “I deserve it” list is a want. How often do you hear someone say, “I deserve to have food and heat?” Rarely, if ever. The necessities are assumed. You will have heat and food, even if you have to turn to a government program or family assistance to get them. But there are no programs for sports cars or nice vacations. Even retirement is rapidly coming off the list of things that will be provided for you. Those “want” items are on the individual to provide and many people cannot afford them. However, they see others having them and they think, “I have a job similar to his or a wage similar to hers, so I deserve that vacation, too.”

It’s understandable. When we’re kids, most of us are taught to bring enough treats for the whole class and to make sure that no one is left out of the fun. If one child can’t afford something, the other children (or their parents) must pick up the slack to avoid leaving anyone out. We’re taught that everyone deserves to participate, no matter their ability or merit. We’re fed the notion that everyone is equal and is entitled to the same things, even if others have to pick up the slack to make that possible. That teaching carries with us into adulthood and, when we see others enjoying things like vacations, cars, etc., we want them, too. We feel like we deserve them because, hey, we’re just as good as that other person. We work hard, we’re good people, so we should be allowed in on the fun. But entitlement is a fairy tale that we need to outgrow.

The problem is that once we become adults, there isn’t a teacher or parent there to enforce the fairness rule. It’s a tough lesson to learn that just being present isn’t enough any more. (And the more you were indulged as a kid, the more painful this lesson is.) In adulthood, we have to earn what we get. We have to save and sacrifice for our needs and, especially, wants. As an adult, you no longer deserve anything simply because you are a good person who works hard. There isn’t anyone who’s going to make certain that you get to participate in the fun, just because you’re part of the class. You have to make and earn your own fun. If you fail to save and act responsibly, what you “deserve” might be nothing.

We need to learn this lesson in a hurry because continuing to believe in the entitlement fairy tale is getting many people in trouble. They buy expensive toys, clothes, and vacations to keep up with their peers and it creates a cycle of debt that’s hard to get out of. But this isn’t the worst consequence of this fairy tale. Ultimately the entitlement fairy tale has greater consequences than large quantities of consumer debt. That would be bad enough, but if you believe in the fairy tale long enough it endangers the greatest “I deserve” and “I want” of them all: Retirement.

I hear too many people say that they “deserve” to retire at sixty-five (or earlier with good karma). They believe that they will magically be taken care of, even if they retire without any savings. But the problem is, they “deserved” everything else along the way, too, and now there is no money for retirement. No one deserves retirement. Unlike when you were a kid, it isn’t all going to work out regardless of what you do. Chances are your employer won’t help you and the government probably won’t be able to help you either. No one is going to come along and make sure that you’re on equal footing with everyone else, just because you showed up for work every day. That means the burden is on you to earn the retirement you want, not deserve. No matter how hard you work, or how much time you put in, or how good you are, you don’t deserve to retire. You have to earn it. The truth of the matter is, the retirement you “deserve,” based on your savings habits, might be one of eating dog food, working at a low wage job, and living in low income housing.

If you want to retire, you’re going to have to do a lot of saving to get there. That means letting go of the idea that you deserve a lot of toys throughout your life. It’s definitely a trade off, and one that isn’t always fun. It’s not fun to pass up the elaborate cruise that you “deserve” (because you worked so hard) in favor of an IRA contribution. But look at it this way: You’re still doing something positive and rewarding with the money that you worked so hard for. Rather than taking the cruise, which is an immediate gratification, you’re investing in your retirement, which is a long term goal. You’re still getting something you deserve in return for your hard work, it’s just not the instant gratification that you seek. Do this often enough throughout your life and you’ll have a tidy nest egg by age sixty-five. That’s not to say that you have to give up all the fun in your life, only that you have to choose wisely and remember that you don’t “deserve” anything, particularly if you can’t afford it. Quit believing in the entitlement fairy tale and start believing in saving and spending wisely. Otherwise, you aren’t going to like the things you “deserve.”

-J. Derrick

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  1. Thevail's Avatar
    Amen to the retirement thing..

    But an even bigger Amen to the people don't just automatically "deserve" things, they need to earn them.

    I am constantly stunned by some of the "self-esteem" issues of my DD's friends. But these kids are complete victims, yes I said victims, of this out of control"deserving-ness".

    They are allowed to sing a solo in the choir, regardless of whether they can sing.

    They are encouraged to think that they are "really smart" even when they can't pass their basic classes. And if they fail the tests, well, testing is unfair...

    If their bahavior is just awful and other people don't like them... the child is told that they are just fine, and the other kids are all just jealous or mean.

    And then they graduate, and the era of adult controlled, artificial "fairness" is over.

    The kid sings in public and makes an ass of themselves, setting them up for an American Idol sized dose of public humiliation.

    They can't pass the SAT, and they don't know why. After all, they've always been "smart" in school.

    And they have few friends and a lot of enemies, because they never learned how to behave in a way that would help them make or keep friends.

    Now the poor kid's life sucks... and they really don't know why.

    It's far better for a parent or teacher to acknowledge that life isn't equally fair, or equally easy all the time. And it has much better results to encourage a child to find their own strengths, or modify their behavior to achieve better results whether that's more studying, or voice lessons, or maybe not being so demanding.

    Self esteem can ONLY be earned, and the sooner people stop thinking you can "give" it to their children regardless of the child's actual ability, the better.
  2. Charles C's Avatar
    You quit picking on us that are 65, I raised a family of 6, and I've had to endure living with a republican wife all these years. Well I had my own business and we have all but one through college.

    The two oldest boys are Millioniares, the 28 year old boy graduated from Kansas University with a BSE, Gold Key Honor society, started teaching and quit that after 6 months.

    Hey he makes 6 figure as a computer programmer. They don't pay teachers very well, unless they have many years in. I don't know he just wasn't suited to make that small of salary for the work of putting up with your peoples kids

    Oldest Girls has it made she's the Accountant for my older sons business. She has three Kids, hey and she does a great job for the hours she puts in, wife complains about her daughter taking advantage of the boys. They tell me she's extremely good and fast and accurate, so she only puts in 51/2 hours a day. I don't know maybe she's entitled

    25 year old girl, now I'll never figure out what's going on with her. Was in the Duke University "Talent Identification Program" until she graduated from High School. She had the Lead in the School Musical. Went to the American Music and Dance Academy one year in New York City, and the next in Los Angeles. Thought she would come back and finish college. Naw she's sweating in the heat in the Northwest. Doing fine I guess , but she's Entitled.

    Still have a 14 year old son at home and I'd say he would rate with any son I've raised so far. They were all great Athletes, as well as good scholars.

    I brag this way because , I know by the tone of your article where your coming from and it's a crock. Sorry.

    You know what this country is entitled to, decency. Freedom from pathetic articles you think are fair, well sorry I don't agree with you. Except that we all have to work, together as a society and help make the society the kind of America I've grown up believing was great.

    As I grew older in reflexion, I came to realize it had more imperfections than I knew. But it also has gotten better with time, and if we have a positive attitued, my kids will live in a great country.

    At least I was delusional for most of my life and just worked had a great time and still do. But I greave mostly for those that don't.

    Naw don't pity me I say I got mine you get yours