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Ten Ways To Save Money and Lose Friends

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by , 12-12-2008 at 12:29 PM (753 Views)
If you value saving money more than keeping friends, I have the perfect article for you. Follow these 10 simple steps and you will not only save money, but also drive away those pesky friends.

Depending on how close the friends are, you may have to complete all 10 items on the checklist and possibly some of them multiple times. Don’t worry, though; do these enough and you won’t be bothered by those people anymore.

Number 10. Accept dinner invitations at your friends’ house and never return the favor. Let’s face it, eating out can be expensive. What better way to get a home-cooked meal without preparing or paying for it!

Number 9. Whenever you go on a trip, to the movies, to play golf, etc., always let your friends drive and never pay for gas. At $4 per gallon, you can save a lot of money by enjoying the ride form the passenger seat.

Number 8. Borrow tools, toys, clothing, whatever…it doesn’t matter as long as you can depreciate your friend’s belongings and not have to purchase your own.

Number 7. Pay back debts without cash. Here’s a really good, but subtle way to get ahead. It’s best explained through an example. Assume that you owe your friend $50. Purchase something for him/her that is less than that amount and when s/he tries to pay you back just say “I owe you some money…Let’s just call it even.”

Number 6. “Forget” to pay back. Similar to number 7, but slightly different, this is an old and effective trick. Most friends won’t remind you to pay them back for that time they paid for lunch when you “forget your wallet”. Simply don’t mention it and over time they might even forget.

Number 5. Impose on friends to babysit. For those of you with kids, you probably know how costly babysitting can be. It can be a whole lot cheaper if you have your friends do it for free. The more kids you have and the rowdier they are, the more likely you can force your friends to avoid your Saturday afternoon phone calls.

Number 4. Be stingy on the gifts. Always buy the cheapest Christmas and birthday gifts for them and/or their children that you can find. Of course, gladly accept all the wonderful gifts that they give you. Forget to send a thank you note and be confident that it will take some of the luster off the friendship.

Number 3. Get your friends to do manual labor at no cost. The next time you need to move, don’t waste your money on hiring movers. I’m sure that your friends would just love to spend their weekend lifting heavy furniture into their truck and making 15 trips back and forth across town. Don’t offer them lunch and you can really make them think twice about whether it’s worth being your friend.

Number 2. Borrow and return in worse condition than received. You say you need a load of mulch from the garden center, but don’t have a truck. Guess what…your friend does, so borrow his. To really make him mad, don’t clean the truck bed out and take it back empty on gas. Better yet….don’t even waste your time…ask him to go get the mulch and then he’ll be forced to help you unload it.

Number 1. Borrow money. Need a loan to buy that new television, but think the interest rate from the banks and credit cards are to high? Well, why don’t you ask your buddy to spot you that $1000? There isn’t a good reason to pay interest, when your friend will let you have that money free of charge for a year or two. You can be also sure that as soon as you repay that loan (if you decide to actually pay him back), you will rarely see or hear from him/her again.

There may be some other money conserving/people repelling strategies of which I’m not aware. If you have any additional suggestions (or personal experiences on how you’ve lost friends in the past), please feel free to share.

-J. Cain

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