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cheles2kids

Feeling better~but other problems to deal with

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by , 05-14-2009 at 10:24 AM (1444 Views)
Gosh, I hate when I have several blog entries that are "downers" but sometimes writing about what's going on in my life, whether good or bad, seems to be theraputic for me.

Since this is the only blog that I write in on a regular basis, this is where everything ends up.

I'm more frustrated with myself today than anyone else, although Mike does play a big part in it.

Long story short, we agree about a year ago that he would take over the finances.
He never seemed "satisfied" with my 'system' and we went through the whole~where is the money going routine.

I know for those of you who are the budgeters in your family, you know what I'm talking about?

So I finally had enough and turned everything over to him.
Overall he does an okay job, but there have been several times over the past year that he leaves us with nothing until our next paycheck comes in.

What I mean by that is, he doesn't discuss the bills with me, everytime I try to bring it up that I think we should sit down together and go over things, he begins to get defensive over any questions that I ask him.
Soooo.....................I just let it go.

FIRST MISTAKE on my part.

Anywho, back to the 'short story' part.
We have $9.00 left until payday, which is a week away.

I find this out *last* night. Now, we had extra money, that I chose to spend on finishing up our fence in the backyard, but when I came to him and talked with him about doing this he never mentions to me anything at all about how short on cash we were or that we might possibly need that money.

THAT, is a nutshell, is what I'm cranky about today.

So, um yeah, now that all of this has come to a boiling point, I now have to decide whether or not to take back over the finances or find a way to become more involved without all of the disputes that I've dealt with in the past.

How are finances handled in your relationship?
Are you, the wife, the sole budgeter and you just give your husband his 'spending money' or by some chance are you able to sit down together and work things through?

I'm all ears as to what works for everyone here.
I'd love some input, especially if you've gone through a similar situation with your husband/wife/partner.

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Updated 05-14-2009 at 10:25 AM by cheles2kids

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  1. madhen's Avatar
    I am single, and probably for a very good reason BUT...I do really recommend reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. I read someone else's copy about a year ago, and I find myself constantly referring back to it, mentally, when dealing with the opposite sex. It also might give you a good insight into why he reacts so defensively when you "question" his budgeting.

    It is a great book. It not only tells you WHY certain situations trigger conflict, it also tells you HOW to approach those situations in such a way that might avoid the conflict.

    I have to admit, it also made me look at my own triggers and how I react when my male counterparts say anything that I think is negative of my abilities or decisions.
  2. fixer's Avatar
    No matter who is in charge of the finances, the other person must be kept in the loop. Maybe you could use a dry erase board that keeps a running total on expenditures. We have always worked hard at allowing for no suprises. When we went through pre-marital counseling, we were told ninety percent of fights would be about money or sex. We have worked hard to eliminate those and just worry about the other ten percent.
  3. LastDragonfly's Avatar
    Hugz girl, I've been right where you are and I did give the checkbook back to Scott and told him to "handle" it since somehow I wasn't handling it...good....enough....

    I must say we had our $9 weeks or sometimes BOUNCED weeks...holy cow...it made me insane...

    Of course it didn't help that he still smoked and I felt like gee, I don't smoke, or drink,,,,where's my cigarette $$

    What did I do?....Well being the passive agressive person I am, every time we had short and bounced weeks....I cooked his least favorite meal....at least 4 times...spaghetti...I swear girl, he hates spaghetti...the other 3 nights I cooked mac n cheese and hot dogs....he hates those as much as spaghetti. I thank his ex wife for those meals...That's all she knew how to cook the 15 years they were married. He was very adamant about not having those meals when I was in charge of the checkbook....when he got the checkbook....all deals are off...I fix what he made financially available.

    It took about 2 rounds of what to cook that Scottie hates before he caught on....so using his own twisted humor that matches mine, as we do the budget, I usually ask....how many nights can you stand spaghetti or would you prefer the mac n cheese? Isn't it amazing that the grocery budget is fully funded....I keep some spaghetti pasta and sauce with a box of mac n cheese in the pantry as a reminder to all those who enter....

    I know you are frustrated and hurt...Madhen is right that Venus Mars thing is real. Mostly its unfair that YOU are the one who suffers with the $9 week and you are supposed to figure that part out.....not fair...

    Now in full disclosure.....when I gave back the checkbook, I gave back all the responsibilites that go with....I now plan my menus and hand him the grocery list...he gets to go to the store too....I believe my words were something to the effect of: "you want to be in charge of the financials? ok, but you get to be in charge of it ALL"....wow that looks so nice edited to skip the censored version... I was also mean and naughty and when the kids asked for candy sale $$ for school. (this was my big kids who went to public school) .."Ask daddy, he has the checkbook"....gee it sucked for him to be the bad dad ....that only happened once....

    Anyway, I'm sorry I answered your blog with a blog of my own, but like you this is the only blog I submit to and it just feels good to vent.

    I hope you and your inner woman find some spaghetti on your menu (or whatever is his least favorite).