A week on the ranch (August 24 - August 30, 2009)
by, 08-31-2009 at 12:49 PM (1829 Views)
Wow, it has been a crappy week. Looking forward to a better one.
This week started with a friend of mine learning that his mother's colon cancer is back and is basically now terminal. The surgeon finally told her on Wednesday (which also happened to be her birthday) that she has, at most, three months left, so my friend is down in the bay area with her, arranging for hospice.
I am consequently longterm pet-sitting two more dogs, both Chows, very sweet, but both are blind, so require a little more effort, and one gets twice-daily thyroid meds.
I am still having issues with my back, and I had to go in for a re-check, and then x-rays and an MRI to find out if there is more going on. I am hoping not, but I'll find out today, when I go in to get the results.
Horrible event on Saturday, when I had to leave the house for half the day, and came home to find that my dog, Riley, had gotten into the main house and had killed Polly. Blood all over, and a trail of it down the stairs, where I found her. Part of the reason this blog is a day late is because I was a wreck all weekend, trying to get over it, but not dealing with it very well. The hardest part is not holding a lot of resentment toward Riley, because I know that HE knows he did something wrong, but he did it anyway. I am very respectful of life, and it had been terribly hard having a dog who gets such joy from the mere act of killing. After finding Polly dead on the stairs, and Riley hiding from me, I was as close as I have ever been toward understanding why people have perfectly healthy animals killed. I didn't even want him to exist at that moment. I just opened the door to the dogs' room (that he had managed to get out of, but the door must have shut behind him, because he couldn't get back in) and he went in without a word. The dogs didn't get dinner and the Chow didn't get his thyroid pill, because I just couldn't stand to look at Riley until the next day, and I didn't want to have him come up and try to apologize, because I wasn't sure what I would do to him.
Sunday was a day of re-adjusting. I moved Angus up into the parrots' room, into Polly's cage (after cleaning it up on Sat), and I am keeping two doors between Riley and the bunny. That was my old rule, two barriers between Riley and anything I didn't want Riley to get, but I had become lax, with terrible consequences, so the rule is re-established. I am also going to be contacting a locksmith to put a deadbolt on the dogs' door, so when I shut it, I know it will stay shut. A lot of crying and a lot of sitting and staring at the walls. Sunday was crappy, basically, but it was a day of readjusting and moving forward.
I have not forgiven Riley, but I have moved past it, and have accepted that it happened and that nothing I do will change it. Now I can only try to keep Angus and the others safe and Riley out of trouble. I am seriously considering not getting another dog after my two pass.
I am becoming really tired of feeling like I am surrounded by death, and I am determined to turn the tide and to make this coming week a more life-affirming one. Starting now.
On a more positive note (see?), I did can several jars of catsup, and I learned to make a beeswax candle this week. It smells wonderful and is really lovely to look at. I made up a month's worth of veggie chili, and I learned a new and delicious way to use up zucchini: chocolate zucchini bread!
August was apparently the month where I used up all the bad karma I had stored up, so I expect September to be phenomenal!!