Stay married for the Kids Sakes? I dont think so!!
by, 08-15-2008 at 02:57 PM (1051 Views)
It is good for children to have two parents but not necessarily the biological one! When I was married to my ex I looked like this poor woman pictured here all the time, always about to rip my hair out with anger, fear, confusion, remorse, embarrassment, etc. I think you might be getting the picture!
My Father always told me with firm belief in his voice, "Children need both of their parents." Now after seeing what my children and I have gone through with my ex, he has changed his own views as well. I have always been quite the Daddy's girl so I wanted my father to be proud of me, and the choices I made in my life, and I know that part of me let that go further it should of, however, I think I wised up and got the hell out of dodge just in time!
My ex was an extremely verbally abusive man, He was in the military so he was controlling and bossy as well. I sat up nights for years wondering where he was and who he was doing, I mean what he was doing! He cheated on a regular basis and used his drunkenness as an excuse to come home and verbally bash me until I believed I was really that ugly, stupid, worthless, and good for only one thing. The first boyfriend I ever had was physically abusive for 7 years, so I know from experience that I would have rather had the ex beat the crap out of me and get it over with, because in all honesty, the verbal abuse cuts so much deeper than a bruise, cut or broken bone does.
I can remember my oldest daughter who is 12 now, starting when she was about 3, "Mommy, why does Daddy always scream at you." and I thought to myself, " I don't want my children asking me that S#[email protected]!." But then that voice came right back to me, the voice of my Dad saying, "Children need both of their parents." and I continued to put up with it. I wonder now why, and how I tolerated that for 7 years (as funny as that sounds) But a part of me is glad I did, I have 3 awesome children out of the whole deal, so as far as I am concerned, it was worth it.
After crapping out of the Navy, after 18 years of service because he did not want to go back out on a boat, we moved out of state and I was petrified to be alone with him, without the support of my folks around. He got a good paying job, a bit over 100K per year. His partying and spending habits increased and I ended up with two jobs. I intentionally got a job that had the exact opposite schedule as his. I am a Bartender by trade, you can imagine how that kind of job plays on the mind of a control freak! He would stay up until I got home just to ask me how many, or witch customers I had slept with that night! And then of course blame me that he had gotten no sleep before work the following morning! But he never complained about the money I made! He would fight with me every chance he got and I never said a word.
Knowing in my own mind, I was hiding money to get my children and I out of there! If I made $200 in tips in a night I would tell him I made $60-80 and cram the rest away. Finally when our 3rd child was about 3 months old, and as usual I did not miss a beat, I was working 2 jobs and I am thinking I have almost enough dough saved to get out of here! I knew where to go to file for the divorce, I knew all the friends who would help me out and I knew This HAD to end.
It was my night off, I was sitting on the couch watching The Learning Channel, the phone on the side table next to me, (in case his drunkenness needed a ride home) and the kids all tucked into bed upstairs. He came through the door, soused, and immediately started screaming at me. I never talked back before and this time I did. He told me he wanted out. When I stood up he raised his hand to hit me. I noticed my then 4 year old daughter hiding on the stairs watching the whole thing. I told him, " You want out? Go ahead and hit me, I'll get you a ride out of here." As I picked up the phone to call 911.
He left that night, without hitting me. The only thought in my head at that very moment was, "It's 1 thing for my child to ask me why daddy yells at me, but I'll be damned if I'll ever hear her ask why daddy hits me."