Bill distribution in the household
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  1. #1
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    Default Bill distribution in the household

    How do you guys split the bills with your spouse or SO. Do you pool all your money together or each pay a portion of each bill?
    I ask this since up until about a year ago my fiance and I pooled our money together and just paid all expenses from a joint checking account. This wasn't that great of a situation because he is the type of person who thinks he should have whatever he wants whenever he decides he wants it, even if it means a bill goes unpaid. He doesnt believe in saving for the extras in life. I got so fed up about a stupid purchase he made that I told him from then on we would split the bills and have seperate accounts until he could learn to manage money a little better. So now we split therent and I pay some of the other bills and he pays some.
    Well he hasn't learned anything at all. He spends his money on new cell phone and gadgets, and other nonsense. He got a loan to pay of his CC's, paid them off, ran them up again, refinanced and got more money to pay them off a second time only to run them up yet again. I just don't get it. I try to talk to him about finances, help him set up a budget and such but it doesnt sink in.
    Well, now he wants us to pool our money again, which of course I said no to. Since we have separated our money I have been able to build up a littles savings,and pay all my bills on time. I know if we go back to the old way there wont be enough money to cover everything. Is it strange for us to keep our money this way forever, or until he decides to change his money habits?

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Darlene's Avatar
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    You are wise to be wary.
    Not to be flip but are you sure you want to marry a guy who doesn't seem to care about putting you into debt? One of the biggest causes of problems and divorce is a problem with money. Trust is a major componant of marriage and you can't trust him with money. It's up to you of coarse, I'm just putting it out there.

    Money has always gone into one pot in our house and spending decisions are joint too.




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    Super Moderator Michelle's Avatar
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    I agree with Darlene. Now is the time to iron out finances--before you get married and resent the money he spends so unwisely.

    Unfortunately I can't offer much advice since Dave & I have both always been on the same page financially.

    I hope you find a system that works for you both.

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  5. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by PuddingPop View Post
    Well, now he wants us to pool our money again, which of course I said no to. Since we have separated our money I have been able to build up a littles savings,and pay all my bills on time.
    My bet is this is why he wants to pool your money again.
    ~Russ

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    Registered User baxjul's Avatar
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    In your case, I would have separate accounts, and each pay certain bills. DH and I do everything jointly.

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    Registered User Momto2Boyz's Avatar
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    I pretty much agree with everyone. I'm sure he is a wonderful man and you have a million reasons to marry him, so I don't want to sound like I am being rude or anything. But, I think, we women, all have pie in the sky dreams about changing our men down the line...and I'll tell ya, it just doesn't happen. My husband has changed his ways about money, but he did it on his own. My advice fell on deaf ears. But after 7 years, I still take out the garbage and mow the lawn. (All things I thought I would be able to get him to do eventually).

    Iron things out now and figure out how it'll work after you get married. DH and I had seperate accounts up until we got married. We lived to gether and split the bills 50/50. We figured that was the best way, just in case we ever decided to part ways before getting married.

    Money isn't a big issue for us, becuase we have always tried to equally include each other in purchases and keep each other apprised of our financial situation. I do keep up our finances, but I try to keep DH advised on what is going on with them.

    Good luck, you can only figure out a solution that works for you. But the best advice I can give you is to trust your gut. If you feel the need to keep the finances seperate, do so, until you feel comfortable combining them again.

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    Registered User angelbumpkin's Avatar
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    I would beware of anyone who would want me to go to into debt. My hubby gives me his portion for the bills and I pay the bills. If i relied on him they would never be paid.

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    Registered User latierra84's Avatar
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    When DH and I first moved in together, he suggested a joint account. I guess because my parents were divorced and my mother always alone, I had never thought about how couples handled bills and things. I decided to keep our money separate and not have a joint account.

    Our mortgage and the utilities stay about the same each month and so each month he transfers over X dollars and I pay all of the bills, since everything happens to be in my name. If say the electric bill goes up significantly one month, I let him know and he increases the amount that he transfers over. We split everything 50/50. I would not keep our money situation this way though if say it was a roommate and not my DH. I see someone getting taken advantage of and left to foot the bills in that situation. For us, this has worked very well.

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    Registered User MomToTwoBoys's Avatar
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    My first marriage fell apart for two reason: lack of trust and finances. I agree with the ladies here when I say that if you two are having money issues now that it may not be such a good thing to pool everything together. DH and I have our separate bank accounts but he lets me pay the bills out of his account too. We had some money issues from the start because we came from two different financial backgrounds, but those got ironed out. He wanted to keep our accounts separate and that was completely fine with me.

    If he's this way now, there's a good chance that that may not change later on.

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    Our plan for current BF if we get married, he gives me his check, I handle all bills and give him an "allowance" and we put money in a "fun" account each month.

    I know couples who each take certain bills in the house and pay them themselves, seperately. Others who don't have joint accounts EXCEPT for one where they deposit 50/50 of bill money each month and pay bills from there.

    My parents do the first option, joint account, except my dad handles the bills. Depends on whos better with money. In DBF & my case, I am and he knows it.

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    I wouldn't pool your money with someone who is immature and reckless with his own finaical future.

    I would also think long and hard about marrying someone who doesn't have my best interests at heart. How do you picture your married life together? Are you wanting to be a SAHM? Do you really think he is going to be able to provide for you and your possible future family?

    Money si the number one reason for divorce, if you aren't even on the same page before the wedding, I don't think you will get to the same page after you marry.

    Maybe some premarital consuling is in order.

    Good luck

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    Registered User Holly's Avatar
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    Fiance and I have seperate money.
    He pays the phone/dish/internet
    I pay lights
    We both pay equal amounts of the mortgage

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    Registered User hippytreehugger4ever's Avatar
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    Our money is in a joint account, plus another account for savings. I'm 22 and he's 27, been married 3 years. We've never had a problem with our money because we don't go out buying frivilous stuff we don't need unless we save up to pay cash, and then we buy used as much as we can.

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    Registered User rsbs's Avatar
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    My 1st DH was very much like that - & it ruined our marriage.
    No - it is not strange to keep your money seperate, as a matter of fact, my now DH & I do just that!
    We split our bills pretty much in half. We have a land payment & a mortgage that are so close that he takes one & I take one. We alternate months to pay the electricity, & alternate grocery shopping - those are our only joint "bills!"
    We don't have cable, or a land-line telephone, but have seperate cell phone accounts that we pay individually. My car payment is mine to cover... His child support is his.
    It works out REALLY well this way, but I'm lucky. I know DH is responsible enough to pay the electric bill on his month.
    ((hugs))

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    Registered User Kaos Kitty's Avatar
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    The hard part of having separate finances and relying on the other person to pay certain bill - is if they don't pay them you are still legally liable. When you're married, ultimately his debts are your debts. My mom has this problem.

    My suggestion to mom was to have separate bank accounts and one joint account for paying all the bills. Right after each pay day, a set amount of his income to pay bills is automatically debited to the account, and then you can still be in charge of paying everything (so it gets done) but he's contributing. You could even have enough debited to put aside some joint savings for emergencies and retirement. What is 'equal" for him to contribute might not be a dollar amount but a percentage. If you both make about the same money then it doesn't matter. But what about when he makes more, and has $500 to spend however he wants after paying half the bills and you're left with $5?

    Or as an earlier poster said, what about when/if you want to be a SAHM? I agree that some pre-marriage counseling would be great, just to work out a financial method that works. Differences in the way people spend/save money can cause a lot of resentment and anger. I think the statistics on divorce are now 1:2. Why stack the cards against yourself?

    My sister is a SAHM, she has a similar problem. Her Dh does give over all of his work check to pay the household bills, but he also keeps racking up the credit cards. After refinancing the house twice for debt consolidation, she's said that he can spend what he wants (she can't stop him) but he has to pay for it with an extra job. The credit cards are no longer her problem. Is this working?

    Well, he is working another job (so he's never home to help with the kids) but he's still spending more than he's earning. For her sanity (like you she's a saver) she's tried to separate this part of her life, but if something was to happen to her Dh and he became ill or died - she would be stuck with all of his debts. Or if they divorced, just like we're entitled to half the assets, we're also entitled to half the debt.

    Marriage is a rocky road ( I know -I'm celebrating a double digit anniversary today!) Good Luck!

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