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Thread: Aspie and Teacher meeting update
10-14-2011, 12:31 PM #1
Aspie and Teacher meeting update
good morning! I wanted to thank you all for the great advice. I had my meeting yesterday with the principal, teacher, and behavior therapist concerning the incident between MIL and teacher.....well, I guess I should have trusted my gut on this one. I think I didn't get overly angry because I know how my MIL can be. Telephus44, I think you were right on the mark. My MIL can be very dramatic and she's "always right". Unfortunately she has run her brother and nieces off because of her mouth. I kept her in mind while going into this meeting.
Mauimagic, I took your advice and wrote down all concerns and keeping my emotions in check, I just point blank asked her in a calm voice if she said those things. She was very calm, didn't hesitate, and very pleasantly said, "I did not say those things, I enjoy having L in my class and I'm learning all I can about her disorder". She denied saying "L needs to get over it". When MIL told me this, at first I was quite shocked. I just couldn't see that being said. When I kept thinking on it I got upset but it just wasn't registering with me. Make sense? It was just unbelievable. I have talked with this teacher numerous times and I just couldn't see it being said. But you never know, that's why I wanted this meeting.
I think my MIL was ticked off because the teacher wouldn't talk to her...she spoke to her but couldn't have a conference with her. (Apparently MIL was demanding one! Jeez!) It was the end of school and it's very hectic. I know I've seen them in action. Anyway, when MIL was confronted about not having a pass, my MIL stated "She didn't need one". The teacher said she was rude and knowing my MIL who can be quite overbearing....well I tend to believe the teacher. Idk, in the meeting I didn't feel like she was lying to me. She's been quite receptive to learning about L's disorder. She's been using the toys I bought, giving them to L as a way to distract her when her meltdowns start. She says they're working quite wonderfully. Oh and she's been reading up on the websites I gave her.
Telephus44, like you I have great rapport with the school. Whenever I go up there, for anything, even if I don't have an appointment, there's always somebody willing to talk with me about L. I honestly feel that they're doing all that they can to help her. I know as far as budgets go they can't do what they'd like. They mentioned they'd love to have another assistant in helping with L but can't do it. Her Sped teacher is only part-time. She sees him for 2-3 hours a day. If her teacher is having a hard time she calls Mr. M in for help but there are times when he can't come and she's unsure as to what to do. I told her yesterday if it comes down to it call the behavior therapist or me and I'll run up there and do what I can. I do it quite a bit so it's no bother to me. I would hate for either of them to suffer.
Now I have to figure out how to deal with MIL. Thank goodness she doesn't live in the same state. I'd go mad! She's a thorn in my side, one I can't get rid of :-( She's always causing trouble. If I had it my way I'd move far far away.
Btw, we've opted to keep L in with the same teacher. We're afraid any kind of change in her routine will make the situation worse. Just the other day she freaked out her art therapist by throwing a very nasty fit. Hair pulling, kicking desks, falling and sliding on floor, etc....she ended it by "looking" like she was having convulsions. That scared the "hey hey" out of her therapist. She did this because "fun" time was over and it was time to work on therapy. Well she was used to doing the fun stuff every session and all of a sudden her routine changed. That's our opinion, only one that made sense.
Thanks again guys, your advice was greatly appreciated!!
10-14-2011, 01:12 PM #2
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Mahalo for the update - was wondering what happened!! Sounds as if you have a strong caring team. One bit of info you might want to share with MIL if she happens to go to the school again - Legally, the school staff cannot discuss anything about your DD's education, disability, etc. without written confirmation by you that said person may have access to the information.
So glad that you were so prepared and opened to listening at the meeting and I 'm sure that everyone was also!!
I'll be back - have to get ready for school - want to add somethings about her challenges during transitions and change in routine/schedule.
10-14-2011, 03:08 PM #3
Well any tips you can give is greatly appreciated. It seems like there's more known about her disorder now than a few years ago but they're still having trouble with her and her routine and the noise issue. I've tried to explain to her (L) that noise is always going to be a problem but she says she can't ignore it. Anyway, I ordered some visual social skill cards that I plan on giving to her Sped teacher. I just hope that they help some. Then I plan on ordering the visual emotion cards. When she was in kindergarten I gave her earplugs to wear to the potty. She was scared to death of the flushing and so she'd stop going and just wet herself. But this with other kids making noises...well, I'm not sure how to help her there :-(
She goes for re-evaluation Nov. 2. The teachers filled out forms for me to take back to her dr. Her doc wants me to seriously consider meds for her. I just hope I'm doing the right thing. Meds scare me but if there's a chance that they could help then I guess we need to do it.
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10-14-2011, 03:51 PM #4
I'm so glad your meeting went well! I didn't mean to imply anything about your MIL - I just know how mine is. At first, she didn't want to admit that DS has autism, and even now she still brings up the fact that "he's probably mis-diagnosed." So anything the school says or does about him gets turned into "the school is picking on him" in her mind. At this point, I just try and minimize her interactions with the school. It's a fine line because she watches DS a lot of time so she's doing us a huge favor by providing free daycare.
I really wish I had a suggestion about the noises, but I really don't. But I am so glad that your meeting went well!
10-14-2011, 04:49 PM #5
My MIL though sounds like yours. She didn't want to admit L had a disorder and now everything is the schools fault. but how does she know? she doesn't even live here! She doesn't see L but 2 or 3 times a year. It's just frustrating dealing with her. I'm the same way as far as trying to keep her from the schools when she does come visit. I just don't trust her. Now I know why my mother always told me to trust my gut instinct! Wish I had listened. Anyway, thanks for helping!
10-14-2011, 06:48 PM #6
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So glad that everything went smoothly
10-14-2011, 11:53 PM #7
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Wow, you have been through quite a bit. I did not see the original thread.
As an assistant in a classroom with ED kids I can sympathize with the teacher and your daughter, it must have been confusing for her.
Our team wants the very best for our students and we build loving trusting relationships with them. We absolutely love it when parents are involved and give us as much information on the student as possible; like how to handle break downs, frustration, noise levels, etc. Yes, we are trained to instruct and support our students but a parent knows their child best.
MM gave you excellent advice! As I read your post I was thinking - hmmmm, that teacher doesn't have to tell MIL a thing. It would be illegal to share info.
It sounds like the school is going to do what is best for your daughter. You are a wonderful mother to cooperate and clearly communicate with the school.
10-15-2011, 10:54 AM #8
Thank you that's nice to hear from somebody else. There were times I used to blame myself for her disorder. I used to think maybe I didn't take enough prenatal vitamins, or eat right, or didn't catch it early enough, etc....all sorts of crazier thoughts ran through my head over the years just trying to find an explanation. I feel like I do all I can to help but other times I feel like I can't do enough. I feel that if I give the teachers all the info I can then that will better equip them in dealing with her problems. All I can do is keep trying. Never give up.
Yesterday when I picked the kids up L was crying. I asked, of course, what was wrong and she said "Mr. M yelled at me, he's so mean!" It was very hard to calm her down. At times it's hard to tell when to step in and speak with the teachers. She really can't tell me why he yelled. She actually can't tell me anything at all about the incident :-( I think that's why I try to be there at least 3-4 times a week just so that the teachers and I can communicate to each other over incidents like this one. All in all it's frustrating.
I tried to catch the Principal or whoever I could to ask about that but they were not there. I'll have to catch them Monday. I really want to know more about keeping her info private.
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