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12-08-2002, 08:26 PM #1
- Rep Power
Emotions Up and Down Like A YO-YO
Today I was so excited because of my new apartment and full of hope for the future. Now, after talking with my ex (he owes me money, I called him) I am so down and depressed again. He is so cold now, like I meant nothing to him. I just don't understand how someone could hurt me so much after promising at one time to love me forever. He says he is starting to meet people, and I can barely go to work everyday with a smile on my face it seems. I feel so alone and worthless, I just don't know how to change it. I wish he didn't have this power to hurt me so much. I know I need to change my attitude, but I have always had low self esteem and now I have none at all. I feel ugly and fat and worthless, like I have a sign on my forehead saying" don't bother getting to know me, it's not worth your time". I know I need help,I have been trying to find a family doctor so that maybe I could get some counselling or if I need it, some medication for the depression...alas no family doctors available (that's a whole other thread). I am so dissatisfied with my life. I am a nurse, which is a noble profession, but I feel like it is aging me...it is a "serious" profession (less sociallization than other jobs) and it is exhausting. The problem is that it pays well. I wish I could go get a job waitressing or something, just to meet people and take the pressure off of me. (But I don't have the confidence, I feel like I am too fat, no one will hire me to be a waitress). I don't really expect any answers, I just needed to get some of these feelings out of me before I exploded. Thanks for letting me vent.
12-08-2002, 08:35 PM #2
- Rep Power
Theresa i have been there. My first husband who i thought was the greatest thing ever tried to kill me, and you would think i wouldn't have a problem getting over him. took me a long time, it is hard but you are not worthless. I really think you should really work at finding a therapist that your happy with, it can be hard don't give up. We all love you so don't feel like your not worth friends you so are. Hope it all gets better and we are here to listen. have a great evening. I am not going to tell you not to let him do this to you, because you feelings are worth something, it is just sad that they can control us that way. Your very smart and articulate and we like you. If you want to try to do something diffrent you owe it to yourself to try it. Go try the resturants if you want i think the biggest problem would be they would think your way over qualified if anything. and if you can afford to have the wage cut. but who knows you may do excellent in tips.
12-09-2002, 03:36 AM #3
- Rep Power
I agree with Heaven, don't under estimate yourself! Just keep thinking, he doesn't have the power to hurt me anymore! You are doing GREAT!
That was a heck of a bombshell he landed on you, Theresa. I bet you are a WONDERFUL nurse. We need more like you in this world!
You are getting a new apartment soon, you have a great job, and YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT!!!
He wasn't Mr. Right for you, but believe me, he is out there somewhere. You will find him when you least expect it, just be yourself. You are a loving, giving young woman. Keep your chin up and live life to the fullest! It is too short to do otherwise.
Best of luck to you.............
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12-17-2002, 10:53 AM #4
Big hugs to you sweetie! From your posts that I have read you seem like a great person. Deep down I know you are a strong person but right now you are going thru a rough time. It's normal to feel down but hang in there. All the great advice the ladies here have given you is wonderful. I will be praying for you and wishing the best. I can't wait to hear all the great people you are going to meet and the great adventures you will find when you get out there and **play**. Life is fun and you are going to be fine!!
12-17-2002, 10:59 AM #5
- Rep Power
Thanks Daphne, and everyone, I so need to hear this stuff, you are my only support, really. I know I should be saying this great stuff to myself...I am working on it.
12-17-2002, 11:18 AM #6
Teresa, I have some thoughts for you.
Honey, what the man says is not necessarily so. He may tell you that because he knows it will hurt. or He was meeting people before he dropped that bomb, I'd bet.
Also a very wise man (Dr James Dobson) Said, "We can not control our emotions, but we can control how we react to them".
The bible says "be angry but sin not". Basically, I think this means, yes people can make me sad (and boy howdy do they ever!) but only I can decide to remain sad or get on with thngs and let it go.
I had to get on with it and let my sister go, because she wanted to mess up my mind. So suddenly after 30 years with a loving (I thought anyway) sister I had no one. I mean, I love dh but ya gotta face it, some stuff is "girl " stuff and though dh may listen to it, he does NOT understand it.
From what I read here, and I do read even if I do not interact always, You have tons to offer. If you feel over weight, well alot of us do and are, me chief among them! I plan to work on it after the holidays. As ill as I have been I think now is not a good time or I would join in now.
You need to find something that gives you joy that has nothing to do with your old life. Something new.
For what it is worth, I admire you being a nurse. I would love it but I just do not have the brains for it. So you must be very intelligent. Could you maybe look for work in a DR's office? It would be less of a strain I think.
For now try to (I know this is hard) concentrate on what is good in your life. If you can, forgo the $$ he owes you until you are over him, then contact him or have a friend do it for you. You have a new place, thats great, I missed that post somewhere. Find something really pretty for it, then treat yourself to somethign fun you like to do but don't.
Most of all, remember we are here for you. We care about you. I usually come off kind of gruff but its not intentional, my people skills are rusty.
12-17-2002, 11:22 AM #7
- Rep Power
I am truly touched, I have tears in my eyes. I have never known people who can be so giving with their hearts as you all are. I want you ALL to know that I sincerely think that everyone friendships and advice and this site are my salvation right now. I don't know what I would do without you. Thanks
12-17-2002, 12:02 PM #8
Babynurse, I've been an RN, quit to homeschool years ago but that is another story.
You have been thru the equivalent of a train wreck and it's a lot to adjust to right now. You need supportive people around you and a lot of rest even if you hadn't just moved and started a new job.
Shift work takes it's toll too. Friend of mine also an RN went to work for the auto insurance claims (provincial insurance here in BC). She recommended it to anyone tired of shift work.
Workmans comp is also a day job that pays RN rates.
Something I did was switch (by accident really, they reorganized the wards, and I ended up moving from a combi med surg floor to an orthopeadic floor without my consent!) from a 12 hour shift to 8 hours when I moved from the ortho floor to rehab.
Not drug rehab but hips, knees, arthritis, brain injury, stroke. Really good nursing, and much slower paced. I really liked the switch and I felt a lot better.
The pace was slower and the 8 hour shifts really made a difference. I had a life off work, not just exhaustion. Younger gals out of school can handle those dratted 12 hours but it's harder and harder to recover or at least I found that by the time I was in my 30's I had a hard time with the 12s.
Is there any way you could bid on a permanent part time? I know those are as rare as hen's teeth, but ask around if anyone else wants to job share and bring it up to the management maybe.
The other thing is could you take a year or two off working in extended care? Different kind of busy, less demanding mentally and emotionally. Still keep your registration current but give yourself a WHOLE LOT LESS STRESS!
I think you are just worn right out. You do need a doctor's care but I know the feeling of utter tiredness coming off a shift, and I know about the wait lists. Too tired to fight to get a dr I bet.
We have half or less the dr.s our town is supposed to, and none are taking patients. If you are the 1/3 or more of the town who doesn't have an MD you go get looked at in the after hours emergency clinics that we have here in BC.
(they were set up to try and take the pressure off the emergency dept, didn't work, and I don't know if you have them in Ontario, but you may be able to talk one of the dr.s staffing the clinic into giving you an antidepressant)
If that isn't workable, maybe try St John's Wort. It's milder than an antidepressant, and you'd need 6 weeks as it builds up in your system. I used 3 pills a day till the sun came out and the birds started singing so to speak, when I moved here, and what with winter and stress and all, I was getting awfully depressed and I didn't feel like going on medication.
I stayed on it all that winter, went off for a month the next summer, went back on it again for the next year and I"ve been off it and fine ever since.
However it is too mild to work for moderate to serious depressions and didn't help my dh who is now on Welbutrin. (which is a Godsend!) and you would have to go off it (and go down emotionally) for a few weeks before they would start you on the medicine if it didn't help so try hard to get the medication.
HUGS HON you are a great person and this man is not worth a second glance. What a rotter!
You are going to come thru this with your head high! You are the winner here. He is a loser!!!! Letting you go proves it. Men are like buses according to that book "the Rules" which my dd got given by my sister. Sooner or later another one comes along.
Next time you can spot the loser, and stay clear, and you will get a winner!!! Someone with the good taste to appreciate you. Some people simply are born with no taste, no discrimination, no ability to see what's good when they got it right under their nose and your ex is one.
There are a lot more people with good taste and who appreciate nice people in this world than the losers!
Hugs hon and I will be praying for you!
12-17-2002, 12:30 PM #9
I really relate to you. I have a man I love making me feel like that right now. We have just split after 6 years and I have five kids, We will be doing Christmas without him.
I'm not going to offer you any advice - I don't have any to give. I wish I did.
I feel fairly much as you do just different circumstances, different place. I just wanted you to know, you're not alone and you are in my thoughts - Take care.
12-17-2002, 08:36 PM #10
Dozy, as usual, gave some sterling advise to both you and Bev.
A lot of us older ones have already walked your road, that is how we know it isn't a dead end, really it isn't. I'll give you it looks VERY dark right now...but the light at the end is there and it is good.
I'd forget the money he owes you, too...would be different if you were in need, but money isn't worth dragging your heart through the old feelings
I have heard The Rules is a VERY good book! One of my nail clients was having trouble with men and read that, then found a guy she REALLY thought a lot of....she followed the 'rules' and is now married to him.
You have had a HUGE amount of stress in your life right now. You have had the equivalent of a divorce, though getting married rates the same on the scale, Plus you have moved. Two HUGE stressors, then you add a new job.
Sweetie, you need time to heal. Make the changes if you need to job wise, then just stay the course for a few months. Focus on yourself and protect yourself from him.
We are here for both of you.
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